Relationship One Day At A Time

[Mrs.Newton]

Things are going a lot better we have sat down and talked and are going to start seeing a therapist.

There has not been any yelling in the house for a few days and everyone is getting along. My husband and I have decided that if he starts yelling the kids have the right to just walk away and if he wants to talk to them he has to give himself time to calm down and they know if they are talking to him and he starts to feel upset he has the same right to walk away.

They understand that he has PTSD and it is hard for him sometimes. My son also has anger issues that he is willing to work on and my daughter was molested when she was in head start by a teachers aid and she puts out this mean sarcastic attitude and has admitted that she does it to keep people from getting to close and she wants to get help in learning how to deal with what happen to her.

It's hard most days and most of the time I just want to scream....but for today all I can do is try and be there for them when they need me...one day at a time.

 

[amethist]

Hi Mrs Newton

Good to hear you have set some good boundaries that everyone can use.

I hope the therapy goes well, but dont forget it will be slow starting and there could be some issues that cause pain for both of you.

Stay strong and you will get through it, hard as it may seem at times.

Amethist.

 

[Mrs.Newton]

Well we are on day 4 with no yelling or throwing things so far so good keeping my fingers crossed :)

 

[amethist]

It takes time Mrs newton, but stick with you boundaries, as they will help set a standard. Add more in if you need to as things progress.

 

[Mrs.Newton]

Well things are still going good,my husband started to get a grouchy attitude with me over a remodeling question that I asked and I told him I just asked a question that was all so there is no reason to be mean about it.

Well a few hours later he tried to get me to argue again over something stupid so I just tuned it out and he just kept on, so I finally said look I understand its hard for you I also know your just looking for someone to take it out on and I love you but I'm sorry I'm not gonna be that person...I grabbed my tea and my book gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him I would be in the bedroom when he calmed down and if he wanted to talk about what is bothering him, then I would be more than happy to listen to him and if not that was fine to but I was not gonna be yelled at cause he was not having a good day. I turned around without another word and walked out of the room.

About 15 min later he came in the bedroom gave me a kiss on the cheek and asked what we where having for dinner and asked if I needed any help with it....yeah yeah I know he didn't apologize for his behavior but it a very big step in the right direction.

 

[Trembling]

Mrs. Newton, I cannot say anything about your situation, besides that I think you are doing and amazing job, with your husband and your kids.

I hope for you all that this way works and that your husband is getting the point for a long time!

Is the anger issue of your son related to your husband's behavior?

Good luck!

 

[Mrs.Newton]

No the anger my son is going thru is directed more so at his biological father ever since his dad and I got divorced 5 years ago he has not had much to do with the kids he is forever promising to come see them or send gifts and then doesn't do it. But my husband has sat down with both of the kids and told them he can't do anything about their dad not being there for them but all he can do is to do his best to try and stay calm and be there and love them. So far things are still going good we have only had one outburst in about a month it was a big one but I had the kids stay the nite with a friend and we got thru it ok and then spoke to the therapist and decided that family and individual therapy is a good starting point so I have my fingers crossed that things will work out the best that they can