One Of Many

[bohemianred]

I am a survivor.
I hardly know where to start, as my story is so similar to many others'...yet as unique as each individual's. Somebody somewhere has it worse than I do, or ever did, and I struggle constantly with not being able to get over it (as it has been suggested I do). I know this experience is not unique to me either...

If someone realized that we don't cry in order to help things, we cry because nothing helps (if we don't grieve we become depressed, which lasts longer than grief)...
If rather than having been berrated for being obsessed by our traumas, it was recognized as a healthy reaction to trying to get one's life back in control...
If no one had rejected our experiences by telling us it wasn't as bad as it seems...
and kindness reared it's lovely head...

Wouldn't the world be a better place?!

I've had too many traumas to list but what caused my PTSD is a 9 year and six month long relationship with an abusive man, with a child from a previous relationship, and whom I share a child with. I tried to leave and ask the government for protection for the children and myself...mainly due to the negative psychological effects of intemitent cruelty and kindness. But apparently since I am no longer with him he is no longer an abusive man and we, but mainly our 8 year old daughter needs to accept that there was just something fundamentally wrong with me that made him assault me in front of her repeatedly...

 

[cherryblossom]

I apologise that I'm lacking in advice or comfort right now. But I still wanted to welcome you to the forum.

You will find great support here :)

 

[Kintsugi]

Hi bohemianred, welcome to the forum.

I can relate very much with the idea of having our grievances encouraged in some way. Sometimes I wish someone would just give me the space to do my grieving without constantly saying that I am getting worse or making it worse on purpose. My heart goes out to you.

I hope you don't really believe that there was something wrong with you. I wasn't there to witness it, but I know that my biological father was incredibly abusive, especially toward my brother, and injured her severely and regularly. I met my biological family while they were all still staying far away from my father, and I was told about all of the problems and his cruelty. My (adoptive) mother even told me that he was bad, that she thought my (bio) mother really didn't want to give me up and even went so far as to say that my mother may have been under threat of serious violence (and potentially losing the baby, me) throughout the process. Now my biological brother, the one who got the worst of it next to my mother, lives with our father and tells me how he's really intrinsically a good guy, that our mother just used to 'push his buttons.' I know that's a BS excuse. There was nothing about my mother that could have deserved that treatment. There is nothing about anyone who does not intentionally attack others that calls for that treatment. You did not deserve that treatment, and your daughter did not deserve to see it.

*hugs* Welcome.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi, welcome to the forum.

It is a fantastic place for information and support.

Take care
KP

 

[bohemianred]

Thank you all for your kind words. I've had some horrible experiences, one upon the other, that have caused me not to reply sooner...I'm struggling, but once I recollect myself, I will come back here. Many spiritual hugs are sent to everyone on the forum!

 

[bohemianred]

I have to thank you MissAntiSunshine, so much for sharing this with me.

I know there is nothing 'wrong' with me-even the PTSD is a healthy and normal reaction to the extremely adverse situations I was in. The real problem is when batterred women are NOT helped but are threatened instead...and when the silent victims (the children) are not protected. They say Domestic Violence is a woman's issue...but I think you helped to reconfirm in my mind that it is a societal issue. Your brother was left in his care...and it sounds like he now makes the same excuses and rationalizations as batterrers do.

Ted Bundy was a social worker who prevented many deaths by working on the suicide prevention hotline, but that doesn't mean we should forgive his crimes.

It sounds like your Mom (adoptive) is a good person. I am happy that she called it for what it was. Too many people blow smoke and mirrors out their arse trying to excuse, blame or rationalize abuse. Send her a hug on my behalf, please! What would we do without the love of Mothers?!

Be well and many hugs back at you too,

Bohemianred

 

[bohemianred]

Thank you cherryblossom! Navigating is proving to be a bit of a challenge...but I'll figure it out one step at a time!

I often find myself lacking in advice or comfort; your honesty and humanity is those things in itself! ;)

Bo