One Of Those Nights...

[BigBG]

Hey yall,

So I'm 3 glasses of whiskey deep, and 3 beers (my glasses of whiskey are about half full) and I am going through the motions.

I see my friend bleeding out. I see the kid's head I pulled off my MRAP. I see the guy I shot who screamed and cried until he died. I see these things.

My question is this...does ANYONE have success with the VA counseling?! I have tried to go and it's all 80s and 90s peacetime vets who never saw combat but come to PTSD meetings.

I can't connect with these people. I have nothing against them, but I just can't relate or heal. Nobody has been in the same.

My wife of 7 years left me due to deployments and PTSD. That was in December 2013. I am out now and floundering around trying to figure shit out

Any advice? Thank you guys!

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Hey Brian.

As far as VA counseling... it's hit or miss. Depending on the VA facility. I am fortunate that my current state has a good one.
I use this site as a form of group therapy currently. As well as medication for anxiety and depression and sleep. Going on the right med's is hit or miss as well. I choose the green leaf. Just personal preference, really. I'm an angry guy. Bud calm's me down, chills me out. Feel free to search around this forum's archives. Lot's of good information posted from as Friday said members from all conflicts.


Black

 

[dutchiedelta]

Can't say either Brian.
Got an interview next week at the local VA facility but found out they treat different things in mixed groups.
Have mixed feelings about that but going to the interview anyway.

Therapy can be very helpful.

 

[BigBG]

Thank you guys for the support. I really need to square myself away. I constantly feel like crap and like my life is spirarling outta control. You get that ever? When I was in, I was squared up and good to go. When I got out, shit crumbled around me. I lost money, wife, items, lots of shit. Family.

Now I feel the only family I had was the Army. Sometimes I want to reenlist and get back into that life to get happy again but I know it's just a temporary bandaid

Brian

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Yea downward spirals suck. Their brutal. I'd been slipping up and getting into trouble here and there. Before I came here and decided to chill out and take in some of the wisdom from those before me. Stick around Brian. For me those urges to want to get back in still come and go. I'm barred though, due to my own downward spiral lol. My family trips out every now and again at the fact that I say I would go back. It's a rush. In the state's. I feel dead.
I'm glad you are on the forum.

Black

 

[BigBG]

I agree with the feeling of being "dead" here. There's no rush and people tend to not care about anything but their own worlds. As long as the status quo is good in their little world and they can go about their perfect lives, they are happy. I can't stand hearing people complain about things anymore it drives me crazy. We as Americans have it so good and easy.

 

[OldDoorGunner]

VA counseling and taking meds are what I call first line in dealing with the Beast. But it most of the time is the hardest to get set up. I found that 1 on 1 counseling doing CBT worked best for me. The group counseling did not work. This Forum is my group counseling. On meds, take your time and read about any med before you take it. A lot of times the meds can make things worse, if it's not the correct one. I have been on 8 or 9 that were for shit. I take only one now. One of the hard one's to learn is to live in today. You, me and our brother & sisters here, CAN NOT go back, 2 months or 40+ years and change a f*cking thing!!! It lives in the past.......

J R

 

[Woodman]

Well I found out the hard way that hard liquor doesn't help a gd thing, so I'd suggest that you try stopping. I haven't given up the beer yet myself but everyone tells me to, it's just a lot less of a hangover and problem causer.

Anyway, I went thru group counseling at the VA for PTSD and heard some terrible stories from the guys in there, stories far worse and depressing than my own.. From there I went thru 13 weeks or so of what they call PCT therapy. (I think it's PCT, "Positive Cognitive Therapy" or something like that). Anyway it was an eye opener and gave me lots of insights of wtf was going on in my head and why. I like to think of it as coping with this shit, I still use it and it does help. You have to actively participate or at least try.

My therapist still wants to send me away for a 2 to 3 month stint in a facility in NM for alcohol and PTSD issues but there's no freakin way I can do that. I'll stick with the beer and weed. For the record the weed is strictly for medicinal purposes you see but it helps.

Good luck to you.

 

[Grizzly]

I understand the alchohol and self medicating. I have been able to recognize the negative effects a few beers begin to have on me.

But I have used it as a crutch for a long time. Now having the wisdom of this site and some therapy have started to open my eyes to myself.

What I'm trying to say. Give it all time.

Be wary...it may not happen as fast as you want it.

 

[BigBG]

Thanks for the replies.

As far as alcohol, it's an ongoing issue In my family and it's rampant. I'm sure many families are the same. I try to cut back on whiskey, my vice, and stick to beer, but haven't cut it out yet.

Meds...I've been prescribed 3. One led to erectile dis-function, one led to depression (who makes ANTI depressants that MAKE you depressed?!), and the final led to angry outbursts. Quit all meds cold turkey. Quit smoking and dipping...so I'm trying to square myself away...

I will look into the one on one forms of therapy. I've heard good things about them. Like I said, group sessions seem to anger me more. No disrespect to ANY vets, but if you served 2 years in 1986-88, and try to claim PTSD for being scared at airborne school to jump a static line, then you annoy me. I'm sure I'm not alone. I've found "my" generation of warriors tend to be a bit more sensitive than our predecessors in Nam and WWII. My hats off to you folks.

 

[Friday]

There are a lot of things that meet the whole criterionA thing for PTSD that just sorta make me chuckle. Sweetheart, that wasn't even the worst part of my day.

But it's also not a pissing contest.

There are people who've been through way worse things than I have. Mind blowingly worse. I think of the WW boys who didn't have tours, hell even fought both wars like my granddad and everyone else's. Clinging on from Gallipoli to Hiroshima. Here we go again. I think of the kids growing up in Tamal Tigers, or the Congo, or Vive la Resistance flavor of the moment in Central America. And I think f*ck me. I have it so f*cking sweet. What the hell am I complaining about again? Why the f*ck do my nightmares rate?... And then there's the people I flat out envy for the worst thing they've ever done or been done to being falling off a tank. I think, 'I'd be apples if that was the worst thing ever in my life is falling off a tank!' Or boohoo my nail broke at prom. Except I wouldn't. At least if I can't face myself in the mirror, it's over shit I actually care about... As f*cked up as that sounds.

There's always someone with better or worse. WTFO. That's life. If I wanna run around comparing my shit to other people's... At least lemme choose something fun. Like flashy cars. How f*cked I am in the head? Nah.

<grin> I do love it here, as everyone's median is about the same. Keeps me from falling into the "whaddam I complaining about again" or "shut the f*ck up, I wish I were you" poison. Because both do the same thing. Let me slip my own leash. And one thing I've learned about myself is that I'll take any excuse to let the beast out to play. Not deal? Done. Laissez le bon temps rouler, Cher.

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

BigGB,

Quoting OldDoorGunner: "One of the hard one's to learn is to live in today. You, me and our brother & sisters here, CAN NOT go back, 2 months or 40+ years and change a f*cking thing"!!! That is some of the best advice you'll ever get here or anywhere else. There will be times when the day is far too much to handle. Stay in the moment. It's the only thing you can change.

Also understand that you're going to make mistakes and experience set backs. Don't beat yourself up over any of it. Pick up the pieces, and try again. You'll change a little each day. What didn't help yesterday may make a difference tomorrow. You're in this for the long hall. I've been at it for forty-seven years. It doesn't get easies, but you'll find ways to handle it much better.

I won't tell you not to self medicate, or hit the bottle. But, I will say they're a bad idea. And. like other set backs if you fall off the wagon don't agonize over it. Simply try to climb back on.

Finally for now, don't try to face all this alone because you are not alone. There are thousands of us, and we're all going down the same road.

SD