One Year Without The People That Hurt Me In My Life

[just me here]

It was just over a year ago that I was finally able to get my parents to understand that I wasn't seeking their approval anymore, and that if they continued to withhold it and threaten to withhold it they would eventually threaten to do something that they wouldn't want to have to follow through with. A year ago they threatened that they wouldn't come here anymore. And guess what? They haven't!

They are members of a cult like religion that first affected me by turning my life upside down at 11, but really affected me when I had to leave home at 14 (at the time that was legal work age, my first check payed my new roommates for the time on their couch) Now I am 50 and sadly I have made concessions all along for their weird beliefs and unending criticism of me and my family, but no more after it all came to a critical mass about a year and a half back. By the end of August they were aware that the threat to stop coming here wouldn't get the results they desired, and as I had warned them, I would enforce their threat to the degree that they laid it out.

One year and I feel great!

I was diagnosed with PTSD because of the high level of adrenaline and long term reactions to what is considered to be normal inconsequential traffic danger by most people. My history is one of serious accidents, lost friends, and a bad choice to become an EMT and witnessing death and dismemberment in some of the worst conditions imaginable. 4 therapists and 3 years later, all we ever talk about in therapy is my childhood, and most of that is the 3 years between the day my father married into this religion and the day I left home at 14. Not a word so far about the car/traffic/EMT traumas.

I want to break the silence and tell my stepmother that her efforts to force her beliefs on me and the punishments that both of them laid onto me have caused me so much pain for so long and I want to tell them how good it is to be free of the criticisms and judgmental ways of our relationship, but it would do no good, not even for me.

I have even gone to a funeral and "mixed my grief" for the loss of the person we were burying that day with the grief I feel for the loss of my parents to their beliefs.

I have given up on having a better past, I have given up on having a relationship with my parents, and I am now 1 year into the freedom that finally accepting the situation for what it is has given me!

 

[Philippa]

Congratulations on enjoying your freedom and healing. I know the feeling, and the tone of your post is one of pure liberation. Lap it up.

I believe confronting our relatives about their behavior and abuse is one of the essential lessons and necessary moves to make in life, even if they don't listen or admit to it. We do it because we have to, because it's bringing it out of the dark and into the light.

 

[Powder]

Well said, Philippa! Well done, just me here! :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Congratulations on taking such good care of you. It is a very difficult choice to disconnect from the parents, but some are so vile and so toxic one has to do for ones own sanity and well being and peace of mind.

 

[just me here]

I believe confronting our relatives about their behavior and abuse is one of the essential lessons and necessary moves to make in life, even if they don't listen or admit to it. We do it because we have to, because it's bringing it out of the dark and into the light.

It wouldn't do any good to confront them. They base their entire lives on their "church" and the teachings of a prophetess that fails the simplest test of divine inspiration: She predicted the second coming of christ to be 1844, then 1849, then within her life time, then within the lifetimes of some of the members of her "church" in 1856. I would have to say she failed the test, but the thirty some odd books she wrote have kept my parents busiy trying to follow her every rule since 1973.

They are brainwashed. The only thing I can do is hold them to their threats of ex-communication and shunning, and I intend to do it as well as it can be done.

 

[Tanishq]

I believe confronting our relatives about their behavior and abuse is one of the essential lessons and necessary moves to make in life, even if they don't listen or admit to it.

They will keep confronting the issue because they acted upon thoughts of abuse. If they don't admit it, don't try to realize what they have done to others, it will keep coming to them even after death. It is lesson for them that they can't violate free will or can't think to make others live on their own rules and be a boss of lives.

Confronting is not hard for us, I think because we have accepted and learned to deal with it.

Congratulations just me here. You have come far from your parents, but you are not alone. You have support there and always will have. Thanks for sharing here. :)

 

[Philippa]

Oh I found confronting to be very hard, but it gets easier with time, and they give me plenty of practise.

 

[Tanishq]

I understand.

edit: I am in same boat, I do find it hard.

 

[just me here]

thanks for the support.

This religion has affected 5 generations of my family, my greatest achievement in life will be hearing a grandchild ask " What is a XXXXXXX XXX XXXXXXXXX?" and being told to wait till they are older to worry about things like that. Hopefully the church will dry up and blow away by the time they are starting to explore the world of religious beliefs, sometime in their 20's I hope.

This church is a world wide organisation, and their are no doubt members here on the forum, I don't want to tear down someones support system. Just as the KKK is an extreme christian group and the Taliban is an extremist Muslim group, my parents are on the extreme fringe of what is in many cases a very helpful and good doing religion.

Again, thanks for the support. There are so many of us that suffered at the hands of someone that believed they were doing the right thing by us to force us into a religion we just couldn't accept. They were well meaning but blind to the consequences of their actions and able to rationalize anything by telling themselves it would all be worth it when they saved our souls someday. They nearly killed my spirit trying to save my soul, but you have to understand their motives. Not tolerate their actions, just understand their motives.

 

[Estacia]

What a freeing feeling!!!

 

[Philippa]

It sounds like ex-communication would be just what you need, so they are doing you a massive favour, whilst thinking they are punishing you.

I find that very amusing, don't you?:laugh:

 

[just me here]

They were so graciously willing to forgive and forget and just act like nothing had happened when all that had happened was my accepting the consequences of the threat that they made to me. THAT was hilarious. It is an overall sad situation, anything that tears apart family is, but yeah I have to admit I can get up a pretty good laugh when I think about them blaming me for the excommunication that they threatened me with. I guess I had it coming, cause it sure happened when I didn't do a thing to stop it. They just don't get that people are not willing to unplug their minds and fall into the same trap they are so obviously caught in, and withholding their approval just isn't a motivator. Not my problem.