Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

[PTSDGuy]

The other interesting thing about last week was I finally went to see a new psychiatrist about my meds... It turns out my old psychiatrist had been giving me DOUBLE the amount of Adderall than you're supposed to take for my ADHD...

The new psychiatrist asked if I had ever thought about taking one extended release pill instead of taking regular Adderall twice a day... We took a look at my prescriptions, and for the last YEAR I was taking two extended release every day. The same psychiatrist who mistakenly gave me 25mg extended twice a day instead of 20mg until I noticed and had him correct it.

I'm now starting on one pill per day - the proper dose...

Having a psych who actually understands meds seems like it could be useful... ?

 

[SophiaWisdom]

I just wanted to say hello and that I just found your trauma diary. It made me feel less alone because I too didn't realize what my mother did to me was sexual abuse until my 30s. I always suspected it was covert incest, but it was rather overt, too. It definitely takes a long time for trauma to come out, simply because I needed to be a place where I was safe enough to start processing it.

 

[PTSDGuy]

Yeah, that's true... Took forever to start dealing with it, but my brain was just ready to finally deal with it I guess.

And glad you checked out my rambling stuff on here, @SophiaWisdom ! ?

 

[TTC18]

The other interesting thing about last week was I finally went to see a new psychiatrist about my meds... It turns out my old psychiatrist had been giving me DOUBLE the amount of Adderall than you're supposed to take for my ADHD...

The new psychiatrist asked if I had ever thought about taking one extended release pill instead of taking regular Adderall twice a day... We took a look at my prescriptions, and for the last YEAR I was taking two extended release every day. The same psychiatrist who mistakenly gave me 25mg extended twice a day instead of 20mg until I noticed and had him correct it.

I'm now starting on one pill per day - the proper dose...

Having a psych who actually understands meds seems like it could be useful... ?

That's awful - I hope the proper dose helps!! I'm glad you're seeing a better doc!!

 

[PTSDGuy]

That's awful - I hope the proper dose helps!! I'm glad you're seeing a better doc!!

Me too! Dealing with all of this seems insane sometimes...

 

[PTSDGuy]

Very strange morning... I went to the gym this morning to work out, and I think I saw my new psychiatrist working out! Totally freaked me out, and I'm still not quite sure why...

Maybe because the gym was the one place where I didn't have to think about my messed up life? I managed to do a full workout, but I spent the whole time terrified to look over. I spent an hour on the treadmill looking straight ahead... Then escaped to the weight room, but I was worried she'd show up there too... (She didn't, thank god... otherwise I probably would have dropped the weights and run outta the gym!)

I've spent the time since then calling myself names for being so f*cked up... I think I need a second psychiatrist to talk about my first psychiatrist... ?

 

[TTC18]

I've spent the time since then calling myself names for being so f*cked up... I think I need a second psychiatrist to talk about my first psychiatrist... ?

I ran into my family counselor at a new church once. I never went back to that church, bc it freaked me out too much to see her sort of out in the world.
Don't call yourself names, there's nothing unusual about being freaked out by that. And even if there were - it doesn't deserve name-calling. Be kind to yourself, you're the only self you've got, lol.

 

[PTSDGuy]

I ran into my family counselor at a new church once. I never went back to that church, bc it freaked me out too much to see her sort of out in the world.
Don't call yourself names, there's nothing unusual about being freaked out by that. And even if there were - it doesn't deserve name-calling. Be kind to yourself, you're the only self you've got, lol.

I’m always amazed when I find out that a lot of my reactions aren’t really unusual. Just knowing you had the same reaction helps, @TTC18.

About an hour after I wrote on here, I ended up in a flashback for hours. I’m starting to think that maybe I was already in some kind of flashback. I haven’t called myself names much in a while except when I’m reliving stuff usually.

 

[TTC18]

I’m starting to think that maybe I was already in some kind of flashback. I haven’t called myself names much in a while except when I’m reliving stuff usually.

I hope you feel better!

 

[PTSDGuy]

I hope you feel better!

This afternoon I have EMDR. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing right now.

I’m trying to just accept that everything is out of my control and it’s ok. It just feels the more I deal with the abuse, the more confused, lost and overwhelming it all seems.

I wish I had the ability to just go somewhere and deal with this 24/7, because there are times I feel like I’m sinking under all of this.

But of course I’ll go to work and pay the bills, and try to pretend everything is fine like I’ve done my whole life. Its never been about my needs, it’s always been about looking “normal” and not standing out. ?

 

[somerandomguy]

I wish I had the ability to just go somewhere and deal with this 24/7, because there are times I feel like I’m sinking under all of this.

Wow, QFT. I feel like that a lot too.

 

[PTSDGuy]

Wow, QFT. I feel like that a lot too.

I wish neither one of us had to feel it, but it helps knowing you get what I'm talking about, @somerandomguy