Oregon ( Southern ) 25 Year Old Girl Ptsd Need Help :*(

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

Hi, I just found this website and wanted to try it.

I'm a 25 year old girl from Southern Oregon and I have PTSD, panic attacks, and depression I'm not quite sure if this site can help me or not.

I apparently got PTSD when I was pretty young and it was aggravated? when I accidentally let my neighbor die. I called 911 and told them he would die but no one believed me and then the next day he died and it is my fault because if I hadn't called 911 maybe he wouldn't of done it and maybe I could of found some other way to stop him.

Nobody understands that it's my fault I might as well have held the gun...and this is why I was looking for somewhere because I introduce myself and then immediately tell all of you how awful I am.,but it's kinda easier because no one here knows me and maybe they will be honest with me.

Because everyone I'm around doesn't understand that I know it's my fault, that them telling me it's not won't help.

I'm so confused if someone can help me I just need to figure things out

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Welcome Lil Red Robin Hood,

I'm sorry you've been so affected by this all these many years.

Are you in therapy now? we highly encourage people to find and work through their traumas with a very good therapist, particularly a Trauma Therapist. It's very important - I think you've been suffering far too long with this guilt.

Whether you were responsible or not for your neighbors death, it's time to live now without carrying such a heavy, awful burden; and it's ok to begin to breathe and live. We're here to be with you, to help, to support you as you reclaim your own life and begin living a full and good life. You can learn and live, and maybe turn your experience and healing into good, instead of remaining trapped within the helpless confines of intense guilt.

I take it your neighbor was suicidal?
Perhaps we can help you with this, as many of us are very experienced around this issue.

There are wonderful resources here, and the articles section is a great place to begin.
Keep talking with us, sharing your story. It's very good that you are here... I have found the members to be amazing in their compassionate understanding, support, caring, teaching and expertise.

With caring and concern, and a very warm welcome,
Deer

 

[anni]

Hi,

I can't add much from Deer's welcome, except to add my own. I don't think anyone here will be able to tell you that this death was your fault, or you're some awful person. That would be a not very nice welcome for anybody, much less someone in such pain and clearly suffering so much for something we know little about.I do hope you at least find some peace here, and a path to lessen your pain and confusion-some new path where you'll seek healing instead of affirmation of your guilt. You deserve this, since oh my, you've suffered enough.

I hope you find some peace here, do take care and welcome,

Anni

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

Thank you for being nice. I don't really know what to say people usually try to ignore how I'm feeling and tell me what they think I should feel. I let my neighbor more or less become a stand-in dad. He had 4 children and a wife but he was not living with them. I feel awful because they don't have him either and I should have been able to stop it. I was already in counseling before it happened because of ptsd from when I was little. I was watching him and I got him to hospital by calling 911because one of my best friends had hung himself so I know that I need to watch everyone to make sure they are OK but I did things wrong thing cuz he died. And the police could only locate me to notify that he shot himself in the head I can't handle he's dead because I messed up

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Welcome!

I hope that you can find a way to forgive yourself, even though what happened was NOT your fault. That is a big step in the healing process, and it frees us from much guilt and shame.

Hugs,
SOL

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

I don't know how to make that step...it seems like a big leap. Everything feels wrong.

I feel like I should be in trouble because I didn't stop it, but the people around me tell me that is stupid. I don't know if they are telling the truth or not, because at least one person has admitted to me that if I hadn't had him checked into hospital (which I did because he was going to shoot himself when I was there) that things could have turned out different.

When I called he said he thought he could trust me and was mad at me. I was selfish for calling. I know at least part of the reason I called was that I was so scared all the time that he would do it. So by calling it made me feel like someone else could take over and help him, but that didn't work.

My whole life has turned into a wreck. So many bad things keep happening and maybe that is how I am being punished? I mean some of the bad things happening are because I haven't had enough motivation to get things done, but maybe that is punishing myself because nobody else has stepped in to punish me.

I'm just very confused right now.

I got a new counselor but it's scary because I feel like when I talk to her she'll be thinking I'm why he's dead but telling me what she wants me to think instead.

I wish I had understood that sending him to the hospital and having the police know when they took him that he was suicidal didn't mean that the hospital would have to hold him, or have him evaluated by a counselor. I thought they would at least call mental health in but they didn't.

 

[Nicolette]

Welcome Lil Red Robin Hood.

Would you please do me a favour and watch this video [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/why-grammar-punctuation-and-spelling-rules-exist-video.10054/[/DLMURL]. Thanks

It will increase the likelihood of people responding to what you write.

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

I am sorry my writing was jumbled, when I'm upset I don't always worry about that. I will be more careful, thank you for advice :)

Thank you for link!

 

[Nicolette]

No worries.... you don't have to stress as you have half an hour to post or you can type a response in notepad first if you want and then paste it here and edit the grammar if you need more time.

Thanks for taking it on board so positively.

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

I was wondering, could anybody tell me how to add a friend? I was told to go to their profile and that I could do it there. When I go to their profile I do not see anything that says "Add Friend." I want to be able to use the website fully, because so far this seems like a very nice place. I have heard diaries mentioned as well and am wondering if it is recommended for us to keep a diary using our status to help deal with things. Any replies are appreciated :)

 

[Nicolette]

What you are referring to is 'following' someone.... there are no longer 'friends' as such. Following allows you to track specific people's posts and look at them at once - select the drop down box next to your avatar and select 'People you follow' once you have added them from their profile page by choosing to follow them (top right across from their name).

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

Thank you! I was told by another that I could add friends so I was a bit confused on this. Thanks for helping :)