Ostracized

[saraemerald]

Do you ever struggle with being ostracized for a variety of reasons and feel totally misunderstood and wish you could overcome this and get rid of the awful feelings of being rejected? I do for sure. And it sucks so bad! I am still working on overcoming this.
I grew up in a weird family for one. I also grew up in a weird cult. And I was a good girl at school and at church. All these three things totally caused me to be bullied and left out. Plus, my mom forced me to have short hair and I had glasses AND my mom controlled my showering schedule which totally made me self conscious. (She wouldn't let me shower when I wanted or needed to)

The other part of this thread I wanted to talk about is this. It still bothers me to this day and I am trying to process it and let it go.
I got good grades in school and my classmates would come to me for answers and want to cheat off me but never for friendship. I was very conscientious about morals and feelings and was shy and sensitive. I loved my teachers and some would consider me a teacher's pet though I was never trying to be. Learning and school was so much fun for me. It was way better than being abused at home.
But this also kept me ostracized from my classmates and peers cron the church I went to. I was never trying to be different. I wasn't into gossip or cliques. Plus my dad was very strict with me and discipline so I was never able to relax and have fun and feel normal.
Anyone relate or havr any advice?

 

[Supervixn]

Feeling the exact same way... except now all of the ostricizing has graduated into my professional life. It's like school all over again. Sending love your way. Not sure I have advice but know you're not alone.

 

[saraemerald]

Feeling the exact same way... except now all of the ostricizing has graduated into my professional li...

Thank you

 

[littleoc]

I definitely relate.

Recently I discovered that how I think people are viewing me is not always true. It seems I was a little paranoid (for good reason). And it turns out that I didn't want to care what most people thought -- however, I had a human need to be accepted and had been denied that as a child. I'm still coming to terms with that, so I don't have a full conclusion to share with you yet. But I do know that trying to challenge my old beliefs help for most situations.

I try to be proactive about friendship, but I also try not to force it. During times that I was forced to rely on other people to survive, I made friends by showing kindness and trying to start conversations. It works to varying degrees -- you won't be able to use the same methods, and not everyone will react positively. You probably already know that, but don't think of it as your fault. It's just nature.

I've tried to modify my behavior slightly with certain people, and I always try to improve myself in health ways (not so much that I'm not myself, for example). It's incredibly difficult, but that's why I don't normally go out of my way for it.

If you do get ostracized in one area of life, you could try forming friendships elsewhere. Family members can work for some people (only if you have a sibling or something who wasn't traumatic to you), or you can try a hobby for a while and see if friends may be there. This is tricky, though... I am slightly extroverted so maybe this is only good advice for those sort of people? On my days when I'm more introverted, I don't try to make friends. I sit around writing and watching science videos on YouTube.

But I do hope that something there was helpful. You might need to search yourself for the answers, though. Good luck :)