Other Adult Adoptees Here?

[Kintsugi]

I was adopted "at birth" (a few weeks after birth, although it was set up months in advance I guess). I'm just wondering if there are other adult adoptees on the forum and what their experience might have been.

My trauma is family-related but did not originate from my adoptive parents, it was from my (adoptive, who was also adopted) brother.

I struggle with my relationship to my biological siblings, who tracked me down when I was eighteen, about six months after my biological mother died. I never knew them prior to that at all, but all four of them had knows about me and the adoption and a little about my parents.

My favorite brother has moved to my state and just let me know yesterday. Now I'm starting to think more again about the complicated relationship I have between my families and how PTSD exacerbates that complication. I am convinced, for example, that my biological mother suffered from PTSD. She was diagnosed bipolar but suffered numerous trauma of every flavor from childhood till nearly her death.

This is getting longer than I expected. Really I just wanted to know about other members' experiences on the forum if there are any out there willing to share.

 

[Nam]

I am an adoptee. I think I'm an adult. Hee hee. I was adopted at age 5. My trauma was before then at the hands of biological family. My adoptive family didn't help with processing, however. I gave plenty of signs that I needed some help but it was frowned upon. (Psych docs are quacks...kind of mentality) I didn't seek help until I went to a free appointment in college. This was prior to my memories returning. I am diagnosed with delayed onset PTSD from repressed memories in 2004. I've had 20 or so memories. Most are just fragments. My most recent one was August of 2013.

I have mixed feelings about being adopted. I'm lucky. But very unlucky to begin with. There's a hurt there. You know? I'm a mother of four kids. When each of them turn five, I think about it. Leaving them forever. I can't even....my youngest one is 4 right now. I just...how?

During college, (21 yrs) my birthmom made contact since that was when the records were released. It was a trying time. We have since lost contact. Not once did we discuss any abuse or trauma. At that point in time, I didn't remember.

When it comes to how much you want to share...it's really up to you. I have chosen to share my PTSD saga to only my closest people; my husband, a few friends, a tiny bit to my sister, and I discussed it once with my parents. It's working for now.

 

[Kintsugi]

I did tell my brother about my trauma. I honestly don't remember if our other siblings know. I forget. Back when they first contacted me, it was like, well, shit just hit the fan for me.

My favorite brother, the one who found me, was pretty horrifically abused by our father. He also has a diagnosis of bipolar. I am highly suspicious of he and my mother being truly bipolar, but you know, I'm not a doctor. I doubt either had access to any more than a physician at some type of clinic. They were/are extremely poor.

I am also conflicted about being adopted. I was very lucky to get out as well. At the same time, of all things, I know the trauma I did encounter would not have happened in my birth family. I might have endured trauma. But it would not have been my brother. It would not likely be sexual abuse. I have three older biological brothers who are highly protective of the women from my family.

Their relationship with me is just as complicated. According to them, I look like the ghost of my mother.

When I met my biological father, he said, "You are the most beautiful one." ... You tried to sell, my mind completed. But I said nothing.

I have an irish twin as well. She is eleven months--wait for it--my junior.

I obviously have no memory of my biological family prior to being adopted. All I know is that we are all so similar it is totally freaky..

 

[Melody coates]

I'm also an adoptee. unfortunatley my trauma came from one of my adopted parents. Both of my birthparents are cocaine addicts and my birthfather was involved with an armed robbery. i was adopted when i was an infant and my brother was only a year old

 

[Mit]

Hi @Simply Simon Like @Nam I was adopted age 5. My trauma arose from childhood medical problems, and the intensely intimate care that resulted at the hands of the medics and my adoptive parents throughout my childhood. My adoptive parents were kind and well intentioned, but didn't recognise my issues and hence unfortunately were unable to provide the psychological nurturing and care I needed. I have tried to trace my biological mother, without success, and have no information about my biological father. I feel guilty and very conflicted about my attempts to find my biological family, and haven't told my adoptive parents, it feels disrespectful and I feel that I am being ungrateful to them for taking me in and giving me all they have. I'm happy to talk about this topic more if you think you would find it helpful.