stinkinginternot
New Here
We've know each other since we were 12 years old in the 7th grade. At present time we are 24 and had been together for a bit over 8 months until yesterday/today.... The beginning was wonderful, it was like he was the same man I remember him being. Although I was very aware he had been better recently, and had been suffering with bad anger previous to when I came into his life. But he and his family always said he was better now, hes better, hes better and he's say Im so much better now, he seemed better. Honestly, it seemed as though he beat PTSD. But I figure today he was ignoring or temporarily elated to be in a happy relationship and was either ignoring the symptoms or overcoming them because he had some spousal support from me to keep him looking at or participating in the brighter side of life. He served in the military in 2006 until 2011 for 5 years and fought in Iraq during that time. I thought we'd get married, and have babies of our own and become parents together. Instead he blames his distant behavior, insensitive nature and slow but sure complete lack of emotion on having a dog hes got to take care of the past three months. He has had her for almost 6 months. I guess the fun and love of a puppy only lasted so long for him, I think this is common for PTSD sufferers, to invest in something completely but after so long or so short a time it falls completely off the list of things they care about..? For sometime before yesterday I was feeling COMPLETELY non-existent in his life whenever I wasn't physically at his (and parents) house in his bedroom where he hangs out and smokes weed and watches tv all day because he isn't working at this clinic he was working at anymore and is still collecting unemployment for a short time waiting for Veterans Affairs to hurry up with his claim.
And if you are familiar with combat veterans, many of them are against doing what the hospitals tell them to do and choose to medicate themselves with marijuana. I do, but don't agree with the use. I know it has short term calming effects but in the long run... I just don't see how it could be significant in the life of anyone... I smoked it as well for two solid years many times daily and stopped because once or twice I started feeling like a mouse on a mouse wheel always chasing something I later found I could not reach with what I was doing. I myself know what it's like living with constant anxiety nightmares and ongoing negative thoughts, related to ptsd after my brother killed himself in 2001. I've made changes and been able with a lot of support from my family, to overcome most of the debilitating problems I faced.
Anyway... His argument for not seeming to remember my feelings or acknowledge me unless I was where ever HE wanted to be was and always had been that he hates the city and that once the VA awards him he is out of California and never returning. So many things have just made him so selfish seeming. Complete opposite of how he seemed in the beginning of our relationship. So now I'm stuck here, feeling sad and alone again. Because it really is lonelier being IN a relationship then it is when your alone. Dang. I just can't wrap my head around why he couldn't just say he was sorry he made me feel so alone and ignored and offered to work on it for the sake of us. Instead he says... really? ok im gonna come get my stuff from your house tomorrow and you can move on. And from then on says nothing even remotely kind of endearing to me at all. It was all about him and how much he hates ____.
Guess what guys..... I got out. Yeah, I did.. It's the worst feeling ever knowing I had to remove myself from who I thought I would be with for the rest of my entire life loving and living with always. After time he just made more and more excuses as to why he couldn't and would NOT do things I'd liked to do... i.e. go for a walk with me around the block, no, go to my good friends child's birthday party with me so one of my best friends could meet the man I love, no. No I don't want to stay with you at your house anymore because of this, oh wait... no it's cause' of this, no, this. No I don't want to.
Completely dumbfounded right now.... broken hearted and sad..... Thanks for letting me vent.. Wish I had found this forum before this happened maybe I could have shown him a possible place to connect with people who could relate to him. I can't even speak to him now....... Please pray for me. And him his name is Matthew.. Thank you for reading my rant...
And if you are familiar with combat veterans, many of them are against doing what the hospitals tell them to do and choose to medicate themselves with marijuana. I do, but don't agree with the use. I know it has short term calming effects but in the long run... I just don't see how it could be significant in the life of anyone... I smoked it as well for two solid years many times daily and stopped because once or twice I started feeling like a mouse on a mouse wheel always chasing something I later found I could not reach with what I was doing. I myself know what it's like living with constant anxiety nightmares and ongoing negative thoughts, related to ptsd after my brother killed himself in 2001. I've made changes and been able with a lot of support from my family, to overcome most of the debilitating problems I faced.
Anyway... His argument for not seeming to remember my feelings or acknowledge me unless I was where ever HE wanted to be was and always had been that he hates the city and that once the VA awards him he is out of California and never returning. So many things have just made him so selfish seeming. Complete opposite of how he seemed in the beginning of our relationship. So now I'm stuck here, feeling sad and alone again. Because it really is lonelier being IN a relationship then it is when your alone. Dang. I just can't wrap my head around why he couldn't just say he was sorry he made me feel so alone and ignored and offered to work on it for the sake of us. Instead he says... really? ok im gonna come get my stuff from your house tomorrow and you can move on. And from then on says nothing even remotely kind of endearing to me at all. It was all about him and how much he hates ____.
Guess what guys..... I got out. Yeah, I did.. It's the worst feeling ever knowing I had to remove myself from who I thought I would be with for the rest of my entire life loving and living with always. After time he just made more and more excuses as to why he couldn't and would NOT do things I'd liked to do... i.e. go for a walk with me around the block, no, go to my good friends child's birthday party with me so one of my best friends could meet the man I love, no. No I don't want to stay with you at your house anymore because of this, oh wait... no it's cause' of this, no, this. No I don't want to.
Completely dumbfounded right now.... broken hearted and sad..... Thanks for letting me vent.. Wish I had found this forum before this happened maybe I could have shown him a possible place to connect with people who could relate to him. I can't even speak to him now....... Please pray for me. And him his name is Matthew.. Thank you for reading my rant...
