Out Of Control

[Epedud]

I went to therapy yesterday. We have been working through things that stir up anger for me.

Last night a bunch of semi-ordinary life problems happened. Then a family member offered help with one matter (calling someone about a failed repair), and they called me and the first thing they said was "you need to calm down." They also said I needed to get a friend to help make rhe phone call for me. Then they hung up.

I'm perfectly able to make the call myself, I was simply overwhelmed and they offered help to call. Instead, they called and told me I needed to calm down. I texted them to tell them, "calm down? Well gosh why didn't I think of that plan."

They texted nonsense and I flipped out so badly after that I kicked my wall.

I thought that if I slept, maybe things would be better.

It's not. I'm awake, I can't eat, and I am having very ragefull impulses to destroy my own property. I want to do very horrible things to my body.

It's been 24 hours of this severe anger and my life is coming undone. My therapist isn't helping and I don't know what to do.

 

[Sajir]

Go out for a walk. Look at things. Try to get your mind on the things you are looking at, as opposed to the emotions. If the weather is bad, take an umbrella and go anyway! Get out of your environment for a bit. This often helps me. I hope it helps you too.

 

[Kiwo]

Go have a brief conversation with someone - anyone - as long as you have eye contact with them. Taste something strong like a cherry slushie. Stimulate the taste sense. But the key for me is making eye contact with anyone. I use the convenience store clerk as my calm down tool often.

 

[Epedud]

I went for a run and making eye contact helped!

Some almost hit me while I was in a crosswalk walking into work. They honked and I screamed "oh real classy!" I could have hit them with the amount of anger I felt.

I know I am acting like a horrible arrogant jerk. I hit my hand on a brick wall. I wanted to break me. I called in sick today.

My therapist is unreachable until next week. I called a crisis line and they said my only option is the ER. No other suggestions. The ER already turned me down. Said this isn't life threatening.

I am dripping with anger. I'm worried I will hurt myself or someone else in an impulsive moment of rage.

 

[Ofu]

Have you tried one of the lines where they'll just talk with you so you can connect with someone. It usually helps dissipate the anger. Crisischat dot com is another resource. Totally don't have to be suicidal. They'll just talk with you about what you're feeling.

Sending best wishes. Maybe try an espon salt bath?

 

[Epedud]

Yeah I talked to crisis chat and that's who only could suggest the ER.

This is hopeless.

 

[Ralaj]

12 step meeting? AA NA any A. Again like they said above, breaking isolation.

 

[Epedud]

I don't have any addictions.

I can't handle being around humans. I almost screamed at a store clerk.

I'm home and sinking. I was ok yesterday morning. I keep telling myself things are not that bad. I want to destroy all my own property and die.

 

[Iju]

hang in there! It passes...
I used to get bad episodes like this before I realised I had PTSD and it frightened the s**t out of me!!
Those times became less and less and now I can't remember when I last felt that.
I think it happened to me when I got massively triggered but I didn't understand because i went into crazy land so quickly.
Seven years of meditation and therapy and much increased understanding of myself I can see the trigger now and know what's going on. I know too that it passes!!
Sometimes there's nothing to do but wait for the storm to end.
Hope you're ok

 

[Ufowa]

Just wanted to add that I too felt overwhelming anger at all humans - I think because they felt so far away and indifferent to my pain. Made me want to scream!!
Not logical but human.

 

[Kute]

I think much anger comes from hurt, when one is hurting. And overwhelm. Therefore you need self-compassion & self-care, not self-blame.

:hug: