So I have sokehow managed to keep my job for over 4 1/2 years...I say "managed" because I used to have extreme outbursts of rage at work...including yelling in my boss' face! It was before I was diagnosed with ptsd, so honestly, I just felt like I was a b-word with a short fuse and a bad temper.
However, looking back, and after studying the disorder a lot, I realize that part of me was lashing out because I had spent so long under the control of my abuser that any form of authority was viewed as a threat by me. It was my brain's way of defending me, of protecting itself. However, it deteriorated my reputation. I have been passed up for many promotional opportunities because of my past behavior.
Since 2010, I have been on medication thst GREATLY reduces my outbursts, as well as the anxiety and tension that got me to the points of rage in the past. I have made big strides in my professionalism, productivity, and leadership abilities. My bosses now view me as a valuable asset to the company, and are considering me for promotional opportunities again.
My problem is this: I think my past behaviors/outbursts will greatly hinder me in obtaining this upcoming position, because there are other applicants as well from within the company who are also qualified. However, they have not worked there nearly as long as I have, or have the experience and rapport with the management and co-workers that I do.
I am wondering if I should approach my boss, who I am fairly close with and trust, and explain to her what she does not know; that I suffer with ptsd, which helped launch me into inappropriate behaviors at work in the past. This promotion would be a huge economic benefit to my family, and so I am willing to share this information with her as a way to help them understand that I am doing things to not only better myself as a person, but as an employee as well.
However, looking back, and after studying the disorder a lot, I realize that part of me was lashing out because I had spent so long under the control of my abuser that any form of authority was viewed as a threat by me. It was my brain's way of defending me, of protecting itself. However, it deteriorated my reputation. I have been passed up for many promotional opportunities because of my past behavior.
Since 2010, I have been on medication thst GREATLY reduces my outbursts, as well as the anxiety and tension that got me to the points of rage in the past. I have made big strides in my professionalism, productivity, and leadership abilities. My bosses now view me as a valuable asset to the company, and are considering me for promotional opportunities again.
My problem is this: I think my past behaviors/outbursts will greatly hinder me in obtaining this upcoming position, because there are other applicants as well from within the company who are also qualified. However, they have not worked there nearly as long as I have, or have the experience and rapport with the management and co-workers that I do.
I am wondering if I should approach my boss, who I am fairly close with and trust, and explain to her what she does not know; that I suffer with ptsd, which helped launch me into inappropriate behaviors at work in the past. This promotion would be a huge economic benefit to my family, and so I am willing to share this information with her as a way to help them understand that I am doing things to not only better myself as a person, but as an employee as well.
