Overly Attached To "stuff"

[EveHarrington]

I am the kind of person who gets overly attached to things. I seem to save so much stuff because I think I may need it one day. I've been this way for much of my life. I recently realized that it's a safety issue for me. If I am prepared, I feel safe. If I have stuff, I feel safe. The other part is that I didn't really have a right to ownership of my things as a child. Boundaries didn't exist. I didn't have any privacy. I feel as if I'm overcompensating for my childhood.

I know this is very much an anxiety issue. I am trying to work toward a point where I don't use things to make myself feel safe. It's ultimately backfiring on me because as I get more stuff, being surrounded by so many things that overwhelm my living space just makes me more anxious.

I am wondering if other people use things (physical stuff) to make themselves feel safe. I want to break away from the mindset of more stuff=more safety because I know that doesn't exactly hold true.

I really struggle with feeling safe and I question what I will do to make myself feel safe if "stuff" isn't filling that role. I know it's not just a matter of getting rid of my things as I'd just find (or buy) something else to make me feel safe. I want to feel safe using other means but I don't exactly know where to start.

I'm sorry if I posted this in the wrong forum. I feel sort of stupid posting this on a PTSD forum but for me it's all intertwined with my anxiety issues and need to feel safe in this world. I think I'm looking for other people who can relate and may have suggestions on how I can move forward with this struggle.

 

[ghotiff]

I think this a very relevant topic for this forum as from what I understand, hoarding is typically triggered by significant loss.

I watched and read tonnes of things about hoarding and declutering and over time I started to see some of my stuff differently. Have you tried this? Watching "hoarders" on you tube was quite interesting, not that I'm a hoarder but some of the themes were relevant to me. The ones with psychologist Stelioa Kiosses were the most valuable for me.

 

[Seasounds]

A couple of things:
-I'm not a hoarder, yet
-I find it difficult to part with things because it takes me back from parting with my beloved grandmother. I know it sounds silly, but that is the truth.
-with my income, I don't buy much; but since I don't throw away much-also due to difficulty making decisions, it appears I have a very cluttered apartment-like a teenage boy who never had to clean his room.
- I prefer clean, simple, spaciousness, and organization. Haven't yet found a way to move through my trauma to do it.
-how does it affect my mental health? It plays a role in my depression, it certainly make it difficult to think clearly and find things. And it is an organization that I am use to, so I do find things pretty easily.

 

[Born to Run]

The other part is that I didn't really have a right to ownership of my things as a child. Boundaries didn't exist. I didn't have any privacy.

First of all I think it is absolutely not stupid to discuss this topic. Second, I think safety is an inside job. What makes us feel safe? To have boundaries, to have ownership of ourselves. This is what you were denied. Maybe this could be a way for you to look at it and work with it.

I have let go of a lot of my stuff over the last months, and I can only relate it to getting stronger and safer on the inside. I maybe had it in a lesser degree than you, but still I had too much and it is a relief now it is gone.

 

[Chi Square Latte]

Hi All,

I don't tend to hoard things, I'm the opposite. I like to get rid of things. It kind of follows a pattern, when mentally things aren't going great, I let things slide and then I get rid of everything. I think its also partly because I have moved around a lot, and having a lot of stuff just isn't conducive the ability to just leave quickly.

Anyway, to get back to the topic, I get the attachment thing though. I have an desk in an office, and the person who used the desk before me told me to look after "Freud". He's a plant. I didn't name him, he came with that name (I'm a PhD student in an educational psychology department). The thing is, the guy who had the desk before me didn't look after Freud very well. Long story short, I'm very attached to this plant. We had other plants in the room, but Freud is mine. I even got rid of the other plants because I couldn't be bothered to look after them. Freud is thriving, and although it's probably not the unhealthiest relationship, others used to joke about Freud and I, until I got a bit anxious about leaving Freud over the Christmas holidays (he's grown a lot, he's basically a small tree now).

What I guess I am trying to say here is this: though the way you attach to your things looks different to mine, maybe we're replacing the contact (I didn't want to use the word relationship, but substitute it if you will) we crave but deny ourselves because of our past experiences in a way we can cope with?

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I used to be this way. Then, several times I have been forced to leave the different places I've lived in. Moving all my stuff around put an end to my hoarding. Honestly? It was tough! But years on I feel fine about it. My life has less stuff and I feel better for it. Just my experience. Stuff can never make you truly happy.

 

[Ronin]

One thing that helps me with attachment to things, one end of the scale or the other - I'm not losing the place it has in my heart.

No loss can make me lose that place, except for my choice. Not even losing a memory of what it was. Not losing the people those things are attached to.

(* but I'd still be pissed to seven circles of Hell & back about things by, and of, my children, as it's the only things I have left of them.)

 

[Panda Bear]

Quit the opposite, actually.

Ironic, it's a problem that I don't have an attachment to anything or anyone....

Seems both ends cause a bit of mental chaos.

 

[EveHarrington]

I watched and read tonnes of things about hoarding and declutering and over time I started to see some of my stuff differently. Have you tried this? Watching "hoarders" on you tube was quite interesting, not that I'm a hoarder but some of the themes were relevant to me. The ones with psychologist Stelioa Kiosses were the most valuable for me.

I have watched "Hoarders" (or its competitor "Hoarding: Buried Alive). I can identify with the people on the show in certain ways. Right now I'm using one of the techniques I learned where you ask yourself if you have an immediate (or near future) need for the item. If not, it gets tossed in the donation bin. Of course this isn't foolproof but it is helping me get rid of a lot of stuff.

I attach a lot of sentimentality to objects. (Thanks, mom!) My mom saved so much stuff from my childhood. I went through all of those boxes in her attic a few months ago and was able to let go of a lot of stuff. I rather just keep a few things that were extra special to me. (Unfortunately some of the stuff I really loved came to my house and now my bed is piled up with stuffed animals.)

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't buy much; but since I don't throw away much-also due to difficulty making decisions, it appears I have a very cluttered apartment

I think you hit the nail on the head! I'm so glad you mentioned this. I am terrible at making decisions. My indecisiveness sometimes gets on people's nerves. I constantly second guess myself and think "well, what if I need it one day?" I think that if I can become more confident in decision making, I'll be able to let things go with a bit more ease.

I have let go of a lot of my stuff over the last months, and I can only relate it to getting stronger and safer on the inside. I maybe had it in a lesser degree than you, but still I had too much and it is a relief now it is gone.

I'm glad to hear that you've successfully moved through the 'letting go of stuff' process. It gives me hope! It is encouraging that you found a sense of relief once you let things go.

What I guess I am trying to say here is this: though the way you attach to your things looks different to mine, maybe we're replacing the contact (I didn't want to use the word relationship, but substitute it if you will) we crave but deny ourselves because of our past experiences in a way we can cope with?

Wow, there's a lot of great insight in this thread today! I think you may be on to something here. I do struggle with relationships; people coming and going. But stuff? Stuff is here until I say I don't want it anymore. Stuff isn't going to leave me when I have a bad day, week, month, etc. I'd like to say that I don't put happiness in my ownership of things, but sadly I do.

Oh, your story about Freud made me smile. Please tell him I said "hi."

 

[Chi Square Latte]

@EveHarrington I'm glad it made you smile, and I'll let him know you said hi :)

 

[EveHarrington]

Stuff can never make you truly happy

This is quite true! I get enjoyment out of finding things (I collect/buy/sell vintage/antique goods) but a lot of the time I find that I don't really want the item after I've had it awhile. (The happiness is fleeting; quite limited.) For me the thrill of it all is in finding something rare or something I've been looking for. Some things I've passed on in the hopes that others can find some sort of joy in having it (which makes me happy, too). My hang up in this whole process is that when I'm down, the selling comes to a screeching halt and things start to accumulate. I've been on a downturn since November so that's a big part of why I'm getting so overwhelmed now. When I'm doing well, my stuff to sell is organized, much is packed away, and it doesn't get in the way of daily living. Now? Well, it's sort of taken over my bedroom, the living room, etc.

One thing that helps me with attachment to things, one end of the scale or the other - I'm not losing the place it has in my heart

You make an excellent point. The memories of things can oftentimes bring me just as much satisfaction as still owning the item itself.

Seems both ends cause a bit of mental chaos

Very true! I'm hoping to find a happy medium.