Overly Sensitive?

[Casey_03]

I realize this is a decision I must make for myself, but feel like some objective feedback from you guys might help. Basically, I finally found someone I feel like I can talk to -- but it was right before I left Moscow, so I left him behind for the new job. We still keep in touch and have been messaging each other on an almost daily basis. It was nice to finally have a friend. But out of nowhere (or at least, to me it felt like out of nowhere) he lashed out at me. I had messaged him to tell him I didn't like my new boss and would probably be quitting this job in the next few weeks. He was kind and said something along the lines of, "Well I'm happy for you if that's what you want." I responded with, "Yeah, but it's a shame the job didn't work out. I like covering the conflict but can't work with this boss." I thought this was a very straightforward comment - "I gave it a try and hoped for the best. It didn't work out. It's a shame." He responded by lashing out and saying he was sick of me complaining all the time. Just complete hostility, out of nowhere. Is it just me or does that seem a bit harsh? I didn't think what I said would be taken as complaining or whining at all. In fact, I don't think there was any complaining in the conversation at all. Am I being overly sensitive or am I right to think maybe I should cut ties with this person? We had started things on a romantic note and I have a tendency to attract bad guys, so to me, I am wondering if this is the first red flag and I should run in the other direction. The only other explanation is that he was worried about me but didn't want to admit it (his hostility also followed me saying i was going into dangerous territory despite warnings not to).

 

[shimmerz]

Just complete hostility, out of nowhere.

This is always harsh. Lashing out shouldn't be part of a supportive relationship.

 

[reallydown]

Hmm without knowing you and him, it's difficult to say. My instinct is to say run, this smells fishy. Having said that, your last sentence and the fact that you said you like covering conflict etc may have triggered something in him...maybe he was saying...you go to these dangerous places etc. so what do you expect? It would still be a bit harsh but I could also see where he would be coming from with that. It's probably best that you try talking to him about it. That should resolve it one way or the other - if eh is just an ass, that will probably come through; if he was worried, then hopefully we will admit to that (with the caveat that he could still say he was worried but still be an asshole). Good luck and stay safe.

 

[ihateusernames]

Am I being overly sensitive or am I right to think maybe I should cut ties with this person?

I don't think there is any way for us to know. But you know the guy. If this was truly the first negative thing he's done and you've known him a decent amount of time I wouldn't take it for much. People get in all kind of moods and say things for all kind of reasons. Fear or worry, as has already been mentioned. Both over your job and over your potential loss of the job. What he actually meant is also dependent on a number of things including what he actually said. I'm also assuming this was a written response, not a phone conversation- we miss a lot of meaning through text. I could be angry or I could be joking here, but you wouldn't be able to tell.

So, anyway, if there are other reasons you think he's a jerk then by all means get rid of him. If this is it... I don't know, maybe you are just being sensitive.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I would text him and say that I was surprised at his comment, it sounded angry to you and he had always been supportive in the past. Are you having a bad day? That way you will know, as @reallydown said. This isn't about you, this is about him and his comment. You don't have to feel over sensitive because he said that. If he's being an ass, you don't have to blame yourself.

It doesn't have to be black or white either. If this is the first time he's done that maybe he is having a bad day. Lashing out is not ok, but I don't know anyone who has a perfect level of communication. I hope this makes sense. I had to take a pain pill and I know what I'm trying to say, I just want it to come out in the right way.