A
anon.co
Hello, I'm new to this website. I believe I was coerced into several sexual/physical acts by my ex-girlfriend during our relationship. I'll discuss 2 of the several.
The first time she assaulted me, we were kissing (which I initially consented to with hesitation) and at a certain point I pulled away. In short, she continued kissing me, I repeatedly pulled away every few moments, expressed discomfort, avoided eye contact, etc. This happened in a public area at night. She left after and I was alone. It's been 7 months since that happened and 2-3 months since I realized what she did was sexual assault. My mood has drastically been up and down since then, but for the most part, I've felt in many ways horrible. But I feel like I'm overreacting because in my mind, and what it may appear like to other people, I feel like "all she did" was kiss me. That it was something "small." I hate that I'm so affected by this. I felt stupid when I tried explaining what happened to a friend. I keep blaming myself and I feel so embarrassed that I "let" it happen. Is it normal to be so affected by something like this or am I overreacting?
In another separate incident, late at night, I was with my ex and her family (2 siblings and a parent). A man had been staring at me while me and my ex were in a restaurant. I was uncomfortable and on edge. This went on for several minutes before he took a picture of us. It freaked me out and I remember feeling angry, dissociating, about to cry, etc. I wish I had done something but the circumstances were a bit complicated at the time. As we walked out I remember so clearly not wanting to be touched at the moment. When me and my ex returned to her family's car she said nothing to me. While sitting in the car, I saw her stare at me for a few seconds and see that I wasn't okay, but then look away and converse casually with her family. She ignored me.
Once her parent began driving again and it was dark in the car, she asked to lay her head on my shoulder. It was the first thing she said to me after several minutes of not speaking to me. For the sake of "normalcy," I said yes. It felt like I was in a car full of strangers: I was alone while my ex had her family. There was no use in attracting all of their attention to me unless I wanted to feel more panicked. I didn't really think about saying no, unfortunately. I never felt like "no" was an option. She put her head on my shoulder, literally relaxing/resting while I was clearly not okay. The important part: she also began holding onto my arm and I think she was rubbing my arm up and down. I'm saying I think because I don't remember certain details well. It was something she did a lot. I know she was doing some motion of running her thumb back and forth. I feel like it doesn't sound like a lot, but when I remember it I feel very disgusted. She was doing this all while I was disassociating and trying not to cry. I didn't feel safe and couldn't stop thinking about the man even when the next day came: I was stuck in a stress response. It feels more accurate to say that she was "feeling me up." Of course, I know she wasn't feeling me up in the sense that she was touching my chest, groping me in other areas, but the way she was grabbing/touching my arm and the way it caused me to feel, makes it feel best represented to say that she "felt me up" I guess, as far as words go.
Now, at present, I feel on edge when I see the same restaurant, even if it's in a different town. I feel on edge when I'm in a car, especially in the backseat, and it's dark at night. I hate being in public. I don't even know how to describe it. I just feel distressed and I don't "function" normally when I'm in public. Smelling the same scent as her perfume makes me gag and feel gross. It's all really interfering with college and other aspects of my life. I've been working on finding help from a psychologist.
So I have a few questions. Is there any name for what my ex did regarding the second incident? I don't think any of it falls under sexual assault (correct me if I'm wrong), but I also don't know what else to call it. Can I do anything legal about it in California? I'm currently doing research and looking into possibly filing a police report (at least for the first incident), but I'd still appreciate it if anyone could offer legal advice. Does it even sound reasonable to file a report for the first incident I described? Any thoughts or advice are appreciated.
The first time she assaulted me, we were kissing (which I initially consented to with hesitation) and at a certain point I pulled away. In short, she continued kissing me, I repeatedly pulled away every few moments, expressed discomfort, avoided eye contact, etc. This happened in a public area at night. She left after and I was alone. It's been 7 months since that happened and 2-3 months since I realized what she did was sexual assault. My mood has drastically been up and down since then, but for the most part, I've felt in many ways horrible. But I feel like I'm overreacting because in my mind, and what it may appear like to other people, I feel like "all she did" was kiss me. That it was something "small." I hate that I'm so affected by this. I felt stupid when I tried explaining what happened to a friend. I keep blaming myself and I feel so embarrassed that I "let" it happen. Is it normal to be so affected by something like this or am I overreacting?
In another separate incident, late at night, I was with my ex and her family (2 siblings and a parent). A man had been staring at me while me and my ex were in a restaurant. I was uncomfortable and on edge. This went on for several minutes before he took a picture of us. It freaked me out and I remember feeling angry, dissociating, about to cry, etc. I wish I had done something but the circumstances were a bit complicated at the time. As we walked out I remember so clearly not wanting to be touched at the moment. When me and my ex returned to her family's car she said nothing to me. While sitting in the car, I saw her stare at me for a few seconds and see that I wasn't okay, but then look away and converse casually with her family. She ignored me.
Once her parent began driving again and it was dark in the car, she asked to lay her head on my shoulder. It was the first thing she said to me after several minutes of not speaking to me. For the sake of "normalcy," I said yes. It felt like I was in a car full of strangers: I was alone while my ex had her family. There was no use in attracting all of their attention to me unless I wanted to feel more panicked. I didn't really think about saying no, unfortunately. I never felt like "no" was an option. She put her head on my shoulder, literally relaxing/resting while I was clearly not okay. The important part: she also began holding onto my arm and I think she was rubbing my arm up and down. I'm saying I think because I don't remember certain details well. It was something she did a lot. I know she was doing some motion of running her thumb back and forth. I feel like it doesn't sound like a lot, but when I remember it I feel very disgusted. She was doing this all while I was disassociating and trying not to cry. I didn't feel safe and couldn't stop thinking about the man even when the next day came: I was stuck in a stress response. It feels more accurate to say that she was "feeling me up." Of course, I know she wasn't feeling me up in the sense that she was touching my chest, groping me in other areas, but the way she was grabbing/touching my arm and the way it caused me to feel, makes it feel best represented to say that she "felt me up" I guess, as far as words go.
Now, at present, I feel on edge when I see the same restaurant, even if it's in a different town. I feel on edge when I'm in a car, especially in the backseat, and it's dark at night. I hate being in public. I don't even know how to describe it. I just feel distressed and I don't "function" normally when I'm in public. Smelling the same scent as her perfume makes me gag and feel gross. It's all really interfering with college and other aspects of my life. I've been working on finding help from a psychologist.
So I have a few questions. Is there any name for what my ex did regarding the second incident? I don't think any of it falls under sexual assault (correct me if I'm wrong), but I also don't know what else to call it. Can I do anything legal about it in California? I'm currently doing research and looking into possibly filing a police report (at least for the first incident), but I'd still appreciate it if anyone could offer legal advice. Does it even sound reasonable to file a report for the first incident I described? Any thoughts or advice are appreciated.