digger
Sponsor
Actually posting in this particular forum at all is something of an accomplishment for me. I know threads get moved from here if staff don't consider them to be big enough achievements and that, combined with my own tendency towards minimising things....well.....let's just say I'll be gutted if it gets moved because to me it's a big deal and I struggle enough with allowing myself any sense of achievement as it is....
But anyway, being brave, from earlier this week in my diary, this....
This is a big leap for me on a couple of different levels. As anyone who reads my diary, or is familiar with my backstory, will know, I have very much a love-hate relationship with photography. It is an on going struggle for me to allow myself pleasure from it because of the associations it has for me with trauma and certain people and experiences from my past.
It is also important to me though because it is something that I really want to reclaim for myself in my life, as it is something I can be good at, and which can give me focus and enjoyment when I can separate it out from the other stuff.
A few months ago, with the support and encouragement from people here, I managed to make myself join the online bit of my local photography group. Even that, for me, was a huge thing, but on Tuesday this week I actually managed to make myself attend one of their actual REAL LIFE meetings!
Even when I am 'well', I have fairly major social anxiety, so going to a group of people I don't know, on my own, is a pretty big deal anyway. Add in the massive mistrust issues I have at present with just about anyone at all, and especially people connected to photography in anyway, and my own fears and anxieties around cameras and photography........I am amazed that I managed it.
But I did manage it, and I managed to make myself stay the whole evening, and that opens the door to being able to manage future meetings and slowly, but hopefully surely, taking back something I want to be able to enjoy again.
There's still a way to go with all of this I know, but this was a really big step in the right direction for me.
But anyway, being brave, from earlier this week in my diary, this....
This is a big leap for me on a couple of different levels. As anyone who reads my diary, or is familiar with my backstory, will know, I have very much a love-hate relationship with photography. It is an on going struggle for me to allow myself pleasure from it because of the associations it has for me with trauma and certain people and experiences from my past.
It is also important to me though because it is something that I really want to reclaim for myself in my life, as it is something I can be good at, and which can give me focus and enjoyment when I can separate it out from the other stuff.
A few months ago, with the support and encouragement from people here, I managed to make myself join the online bit of my local photography group. Even that, for me, was a huge thing, but on Tuesday this week I actually managed to make myself attend one of their actual REAL LIFE meetings!
Even when I am 'well', I have fairly major social anxiety, so going to a group of people I don't know, on my own, is a pretty big deal anyway. Add in the massive mistrust issues I have at present with just about anyone at all, and especially people connected to photography in anyway, and my own fears and anxieties around cameras and photography........I am amazed that I managed it.
But I did manage it, and I managed to make myself stay the whole evening, and that opens the door to being able to manage future meetings and slowly, but hopefully surely, taking back something I want to be able to enjoy again.
There's still a way to go with all of this I know, but this was a really big step in the right direction for me.
