Overwhelmed - Feeling Like A Burden To Others

[Spacechic]

*sighs.. I havent been on here for a bit as I have ben struggling. I live in a remote area in Australia, and services are hard to come by. I had a psychotic episode back in August whih resulted in me going to hospital in the city 1900km away.The local hospital wasnt equipped to deal with me. They sorted meds etc and sent me on my way. I also had to move which meant I had to change psychs. I was petrified.

But yknow I actually found a psych I clicked with. He helped me when things were really bad. But..But now he is going. I feel like crying.

But yknow I just dont do that. Instead I tell myself I must have done something wrong. I have made him leave. To make things worse I cant even book to see my psychiatrist because well when I asked my psych counsellor to book I got no response. So am thinking he doesnt want to see me. And I think he is on leave now anyhow.

You know at the end of the day I am just a number, a statistic. No one cares about the person I am just number xyz with illness ptsd. I am a burden to those around me. And these voices I hear are right. I deserve what I get. Why should I bother to deal with things. I should afterall just get over it and get on with it.

Funny thing is that right now I am fighting within myself. I want to cry but cannot. I am weary of this battle. My life has always been this battle.


:dontknow:

 

[Deleted member 541]

Well, you can either go cry in a corner, or pull your head out of your ass and call your shrink, and then get a referral to a new therapist.

It's either you fight for yourself, or you don't. That's what it's all about. We all have out pity parties, for awhile, but then we get down to business again....

Don't let this feeling overwhelm you and knock you off the road that you should be on. Get back on the road to recovery soon....

 

[Spacechic]

Thanks for your words of enouragement. The fact is I live remote I cannot pick and chose my therapist..this is not an option.He is leaving so there will a time with no one until position gets filled. You get what you are given. Don't like..bad luck..

Yeah your right pull my head out of my arse and get on with it. Its that simple.

 

[Deleted member 541]

No it isn't that easy, and you have some issues to find a way around, but it can be done. I know it's hard to lose a therapist, one that we trust, and bond with. But, don't let that stop you from looking for another one. There are good therapist out there, even when the picking are slim.

Just don't let this setback, get you into a position that you just say *screw it* and stop working on you......I know how easy that can be, to just say *screw it*......We all deserve to be better, to have a healthier life......Keep fighting, and yes, it isn't easy to pull your head out of your ass, but it is necessary, if we are to get well.....

 

[Onefineday]

That can be the problem with Australia, 97% of it isn't populated so if you're in the middle of nowhere, you're in the middle of nowhere. Even in Leigh Creek in the Flinders Rangers (*sigh* good times...) you're so remote, even though the road is really close.
I don't live anywhere remote, but I've been out there a lot so I can understand just how difficult it can be. Everything is so limited and a lot of the time what is avaliable is enough to live comfortably and that's it, even the supermarkets are small.
Did you're therapist live out there too? I don't really know what to suggest, other than coming on here for some MAJOR venting until someone else takes his place. Hopefully someone will come that you will conect with.
Another possible idea, could you speak to someone over the net, phone, satalite from there? You know how some kids get schooled when they're in the outback, is that a possible option?

 

[anni]

Hi Spacechic,

I identified with your post somewhat because my therapist retired last year and I have yet to find a new one. One of the reasons I joined here is to get myself up and out to another therapist! I have tons of guilt/shame/rejection/avoidance PTSD issues and know how tough it is to get out there.

You sound as if you really wish to find one, and for that I had to write and say how cool that is. You are in a remote area and would like nothing more than to find one. It's making me appreciate the fact that I live somewhere where it is possible to easily at least contact someone. It gave me a definite kick in the backside to get OUT there!

I have to reiterate the post from OFD. Maybe being at least able to vent here is going to be helpful. I hadn't thought about the net/phone/satelite angle but it does sound as if something like that might be possible.If it doesn't exist, it should!

I'm in central PA, USA. Hopefully a hug from here to the remotest Australian location is still a hug!

Take care,

Anni

 

[Paloma]

I thought OFD had a good idea. I am not nearly as remote as you. I am in a rural area with no Veteran's hospital so I see my p-doc over a video link up. Fortunately I see a therapist weekly local. So you returned from the hospital 1900km away? Or did you move to that area?

Psychotic breaks are very scary for everyone...including less experienced health care workers. I hope you made good connexions at the hospital. Are they an option for video...on-line...etc?

She-cat is right...you have to take charge of your brain as best you can. I get the voices etc too. Depending on how isolated you are...could be all the company you have for days:crazy: Seriously...since I don't know your history...I am betting that you are listening to someone else's bs left in your memory. We have to learn to hate ourselves, put our selves down etc. Babies aren't born like that. You are in the bush...you have no doubt seen how hard wounded animals struggle to stay alive...or if frozen with fear of a predator, play dead, endure, escape. In all of us ...deep down...is that same will to keep our life force going. You are reaching out to us, went to the hospital, etc. You are a survivor, Spacechic. Tell those nasty voices to "Shut the (Bleep) up!" You are in charge.

You know rationally that your p-doc cares about you and has to move on for typical reasons. The only one who can abandon you is...YOU. And you aren't doing that. Distraction and grounding are helping me. Do you have hobbies? A garden? A pet? Creative pursuits? Sheep, horses, kangaroos:rolleyes: ? Something that takes some focus and gets you out of your head?
Are you taking meds? If so, are they working well for you? Meds have screwed me up mentally and been total lifesavers too. Might get that checked out.

Get on to your psych counselor too and be a squeaky wheel. You may not have communicated the urgency you feel. Or...you may need someone with a different skill set that your p-doc had...but they haven't yet found a replacement for. I had a therapist I had just started with who visibly backed off when I explained I was having auditory and tactile hallucinations. I was hurt but in reality she did the right thing. She was over her head and wanted me to get the best help. The people she referred me to were totally cool with my quirks and it's all PTSD (in one test here in US, 52% of PTSD sufferers have auditory or other type hallucinations). And people DO care...even when it isn't on our schedules. But they have lives, issues, job tasks, interuptions, pressures too. They don't always exhibit what we need when we so desperatly need it. Thank god for the internet! This forum and others have been life boats for me when I couldn't get the whole world to come to a screeching halt and deal with my primal scream right here, right NOW!:poke:

A sign on a friend's wall: "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much" Mother Teresa

 

[Spacechic]

Thankyou for some great ideas. I know it was just one of those days. I have had to tackle with alot in regards to therapy and the remoteness of where I live.

When things started to go pear shaped and I was hospitilised I had to go to city for treatment as my local hospital was basic and not able to really help and so I was transferred. Upon my return due to other halfs work we had to move 500km inland to a more remote area. Now whilst the distances are great I was still under the same umbrella as far as mental health goes. So I kept my same pdoc who is based in the city anyhow, but had to change psychs. The psych I have lives here in this town.

I have tried online counselling, this led me to seek face to face counselling. I found the constraints of online not condusive to my recovery.I will look at just keeping in phone contact with my current one providing he is okay with that until whatever gets sorted here.. From our disussions we both know that it is better for me to have face to face.

I have learnt a great deal from him. I have a better understanding of ptsd and the auditory halluinations etc. I have ventured forth partly into mindfulness.He treated me as human. I know that sounds weird but have had therapists that are very abrasive.

So I am hearing what you are saying. Yeah I am a fighter I wouldnt have made it this far if I wasnt. I know somehow I will have to dig deep to overcome this. I have to try to think positive and work with what I have.

I am just feeling a bit low about it all.:think:

 

[Pam]

In my little corner of the world we have to travel 80 miles to a clinic that will then video conference with the psych. For VA folks the drive is about the same but the service is more personal. 60 miles to a satellite clinic, 80 miles to a full service psych clinic. They get a face to face meeting. We get grainy pixels. Boy are we on the cutting edge of mental health care or what in this world? It feels like we are still in the stone age, were we get poked with a stick to see if we have an anger management problem:poke:!

 

[onebravegirl]

I wrote a whole bunch of stuff but deleted it. I think that what you need most is this::Hug_emoticon::Hug_emoticon::Hug_emoticon::Hug_emoticon::Hug_emoticon:
I will be thinking of you and waiting to hear form you soon. Expect a friend invite!
O

 

[Spacechic]

Indeed mental health care has alot to answer for. I think that as people we have put up with alot. Not just our past, but we deal with what our care options or lack thereof there is. We somehow plough on. If we dont take the bull by the horns and take charge of our recovery, we may not find our way. We will just be forgotten.

With this in mind and your words of encouragement, I will "take the bull by the horns" and ask some pertinent questions about where to from here. There has to be some solution somewhere.