Overwhelmed With Stress & Anxiety - Looking For Help

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AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
I am really trying to keep an open mind about things, but things are NOT working out. Relationships suck. I am all alone and it’s making me paranoid. Paranoid as all hell. I go to therapy and it is not helping with my situation. I have to give up soon. This is awful. If I was smart, I would just walk away from this current “fling” that is not really anything. I’ve attached emotions to it, and I can’t get rid of them. Therapy is not getting rid of the weirdness or the emotions, r the nightmares. Now I am aware of how messed up my life is and the fact that it will never be the same. Also, the fact that no one can help me. I pursue things and they collapse in my face. All the time. Nothing is lining up the way it used to be. It’s always my fault, my doing, my mistakes. I can’t push it out. He messed with my life and I can’t move on because of the charges. He blatantly lied, told me he did, and now I have to deal with it for the rest of my life as a punishment. This new guy tells me how I am a pushover. Red flag if I ever saw one. But, I will keep pursuing even though he doesn’t have any interest in me. I wish he did ??‍♀️

My life is literally going down the drain. My family and friends tell me it is all in my head, and that things are getting better, but it’s not true. They don’t see the opportunities that I have been denied. The therapist tells me to ask things and do all kinds of things, and when I do, they do not work out. I can’t get rid of the emotions and weirdness. Things have changed so much, my life is going down the drain, I’m scared, and there is no help for me. Especially with relationships.
 
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joeylittle

Administrator
You've gotten some good replies on this thread, @AnnieMae.

Believe me, I can absolutely empathize with the thoughts/feelings you're having, about how everything is hopeless and it will never get better. I think many, many people here can connect with that.

Can you explain this to me:
It’s always my fault, my doing, my mistakes. I can’t push it out. He messed with my life and I can’t move on because of the charges. He blatantly lied, told me he did, and now I have to deal with it for the rest of my life as a punishment.

The underlined parts are where you're holding him responsible.
The bolded parts are where you hold yourself responsible.

Both of those beliefs must be very painful. If you had to pick one of them to work on first, which would it be?
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
Why is it so hard to know what to do when someone messed with you so bad? I am so confused. I hate the nightmares of being alone. I want love so bad, but can’t handle being alone and it is messing with me!!!!!

I have tried so hard to fight off the thoughts and feelings, but because I was set up, I am going to be like this for the rest of my life. The police didn’t care that he attacked me. He lied about even having a gun. My life is so effed and no one can help me. The charges can’t be reversed. I am so distraught, this is why I oscillate between everything. I can’t take it anymore!!!!!! I do t deserve it. Everyone thinks they deserve better, but life just shits on you. Therapist just confirms what you say is true but you can’t make up your mind because everything was so messed up and it ruined your life. I am so fake now. I don’t think I will ever be able to connect to anyone.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
I’ve tried it. Used to work out great for me. Now, I can’t keep my mouth shut. I feel awful. My therapist told me to speak out. Which is biting me in the ass. Everything I do does. I do not feel ok. I am not ok emotionally. I go to therapy to get it out, and I still feel the same. I can’t get an expungement. It will
Always be there. I am so worried. I hate it.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
I open up and say the things I like, and I’m superficial. I have been to 3 therapists and each is different. My life is just like a damn bomb!
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
And, I’ve been told it’s me and it’s not me, so I’m confused. All I know is because everything is so f*cked up, I go through the motions of life and I am having a serious identity crisis that no one can help me with. Things have gone bad for so long, I just lie to please people and it’s so messed up. All because I do not want to be alone. Which will backfire in my face and everyone will tell me it’s not my fault.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
Used to work out great for me. Now, I can’t keep my mouth shut.
What about DBT has to do with keeping your mouth shut? I'm not sure what the connection is, here.
I go to therapy to get it out, and I still feel the same.
Change therapists?

Have you done a formal course of DBT? It's got three aspects - group, private, and phone support. Usually lasts 6-9 months overall, depending on where you do it. Outpatient. That level of support might really be helpful for you.
 

Friday

Moderator
It's got three aspects - group, private, and phone support. Usually lasts 6-9 months overall, depending on where you do it. Outpatient. That level of support might really be helpful for you.
Strong 2nd.

It would also very much be a way for you to NOT be alone for the better part of a year, without jumping in&out of bad relationships.

Not saying the relationship binging will magically stop, or that groups/private/24-7 phone support will tick all the boxes you get from a sexual/romantic relationship & make those cravings and fears magically vanish. But rather, that having truckloads of varied support in your life, where before there was just a void you have been trying to fill with the nearest warm body? Could help ease the pressure of those fears, give you some breathing room, so you can begin to learn how to choose better men.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
Maybe. Everything is up in the air right now. Not really, my life has changed so much.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
I hate being weak. Life has literally beat me up and no one can help pick me up. I hate this.
 
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