Sufferer Paralyzed

[Toonamiiiii]

Hi All,

Alittle unsure where to even begin but… I feel helpless, weekly, almost daily.. can’t recognize myself I feel paralyzed…
Due to mother son incest, neglect & physical abuse from my mom, fake friends, abusive workplace and leadership during my time in the military, hyper sexuality almost ruining my relationship with my girl….
Just don’t even know how to feel or feel regular or human anymore. I can barely sleep having night terrors every other night, neck and spine pains.
Everything started from such a young age, I don’t know how to really live in society it feels like.

I’m losing interest in everything i used to love, I played drums when I was a teenager and shared the stage with some really cool bands, such as Born of Osiris, Horse the Band & a few other metal bands. I buy so many video games and barely have the drive to play them. I’m always tired and sleep, irritable and just completely over my doctors telling me to pop this pill and do this task.
I just want to hibernate forever but I’d like to heal and come out of this husk.
I found this site by just googling “ptsd forum”
I guess i just needed a place to jot down things.

 

[Riley Jones]

Hi there,

Firstly, I want to acknowledge your courage for sharing your experiences and reaching out for support. It sounds like you have been through a tremendous amount of pain and trauma, and it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and lost.

The feelings of helplessness, dissociation, and being unable to recognize yourself are common symptoms of PTSD and CPTSD. The impact of childhood trauma, abusive relationships, and experiences in the military can deeply affect one's sense of self and ability to function in daily life.

It's positive that you are seeking connections with others who may understand what you're going through. MyPTSD.com is a community where individuals with similar experiences offer support and understanding. Sharing your feelings and experiences with others who have been through similar traumas can be incredibly healing and validating.

While the road to healing may be challenging, it's essential to remember that recovery is possible with the right support and resources. Seeking help from a trauma-informed therapist or counselor can provide you with tools to navigate your experiences and work towards healing.

On MyPTSD.com, you will find specific forums dedicated to different aspects of PTSD and CPTSD, such as childhood trauma, military-related trauma, relationships, and coping strategies. Exploring these forums can help you connect with others who may have similar experiences and offer insights on coping mechanisms and healing techniques.

Remember, you are not alone on this journey. Your feelings are valid, and there is hope for healing and recovery. Keep reaching out for support and take small steps towards self-care and healing. You deserve to reclaim your sense of self and find peace within yourself.

Take care, and please continue to share your thoughts and feelings with the community here.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the community, sorry that you have reason to be here.

 

[Freida]

Welcome!

Ya - I did the military thing too -- it sucked. Are you working with the VA? If you have mst you can use their folks for free and then they can help you get into childhood stuff and how it all connects.

This place has been a godsend for me - don't know what I would have done without it.

 

[Toonamiiiii]

I was actually afraid to go any further with the VA ._. I may try but they are very focused on the crazy things that happened while in service. I felt like i need to separate the two because i just shut down almost when asked about everything.

 

[Freida]

Try a veteran service center instead. They aren't associated with the VA other than the name, but they offer a lot of the same services, including therapy. And take it slowly - the bigger the story the slower you need to go so you can build coping skills to deal with what happened. Don't let anyone push you to go faster than you are capable of.

 

[Friday]

Welcome aboard!

I was actually afraid to go any further with the VA ._. I may try but they are very focused on the crazy things that happened while in service. I felt like i need to separate the two because i just shut down almost when asked about everything.

I use VetCenters, for my military stuff, as I won’t touch the VA with a 10’ pole.

 

[mszl]

Hi. Welcome here! I'm sorry that winds of life brought you to this point.
I can relate to not feeling a human and suffering from inability to feel happiness.
I hope you will find peace within yourself.
Have an emotional support sloth . He can repel nightmares as well.

 

[arfie]

hello toonamiii. welcome to the forum. love the username! i love getting playful with funetix.

i carried my ptsd into the army with me and started my recovery from child sex trafficking in earnest during my tour of duty. my first long-term therapist called himself. "a dead duck shrink." he had served three tours of duty in the viet nam M*A*S*H units and was just serving out his time before retiring to private practice. while serving in those M*A*S*H units, he had developed a theory he called, "civilian shell shock." this was 1974. ptsd had yet to be officiated. he declared me, "a victim of the other undeclared war on our city streets" and put me in shell shock group therapy. i had never seen combat, but magic happened during that stretch of my therapy. as one of my brothers-in-healing put it, "a gun shot is a gun shot, whether it's on a battlefield or a family living room." it's all connected and i don't believe the symptoms don't vary all that much because of the source of the trauma.

my army therapy segwayed neatly into the va channels. not all of the programs are great, but there are enough great ones to make it worth the research.

but that is me and every case is unique.

steadying support while you find what works for you. welcome aboard.