Undiagnosed Paramedic With Issues

[Texas]

20 years in EMS and I cannot do it anymore. Love being a medic. Traumatic childhood. Suck it up and move on. Great husband (police officer/EMT), 3 kids. Just angry, tired, depressed, sad, confused and lonely right now.

 

[Virtues]

Retired Marine firefighter, I know how it feels to leave it behind. You can message me any time if you need to. Sometimes I need some one to talk to. I hope things will get better for you.

 

[Texas]

I am done with EMS as of yesterday. :) Finishing my nursing degree now. That's what started all the trouble. Do I want to keep doing this? Being there for someone's worst day? Very few people understand. I can't hold your new baby without thinking of the SIDS baby I coded. I can't sympathize with your tennis elbow without remembering the mutilated girl in the tennis skirt who missed a turn driving home. Even day-after-Christmas sales trigger the image of the fatality with clearance items scattered on the road. Suck it up and move on. My crews are gone. I don't have friends who understand or care. And I have alienated my husband with my attitude. No one cares. They have their own lives to live. So I look for help online. Pathetic.

 

[shimmerz]

Pathetic.

No. Human.

 

[hodge]

Welcome, Texas. My dad and uncle were both firefighters and EMTs. My brother was a paramedic. I understand.

 

[Virtues]

Not pathetic, that's the garbage they spend years pushing down our throats to desensitize us.

 

[RussH]

Texas, I completely understand. I worked as a medic for 9 years and still think of the massive MI we worked on Christmas morning, or the sweet 17 year old girl who killed herself with a gsw to the head.
I remember the 5 year old whose father's truck slipped out of gear and ran over her. We coded her all the way to the hospital to no avail.
I understand the memories and the emotions that are attached to them.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome and I hope you find the support here that you need.

 

[Backcountry]

I am done with EMS as of yesterday. :) Finishing my nursing degree now. That's what started all the tro...

I don't know if it will help, but I used to work in a trauma center. I also managed a morgue for a major healthcare facility. I often dealt with patients and their families, if they had any, "from the door to the floor" and sometimes all the way to the morgue. I too have seen horrific things. Things most humans cannot imagine a human body could endure. No amount of textbook training or even in service runs can prepare you for unexpected; you know those moments... when you first see what you have to deal with.

People used to ask me how I could that. How could I help bathe a dead infant so their parents could hold them one last time? How could I not vomit at the sites and smells? How could I this and that? My answer was always the same ...

Because it was an HONOR. I was the last person to take care of someone's someone and sometimes, that someone had no one and maybe I was the only person who ever cared about them in their life.

What you did was an honor. You were there for someone else in an instant, without one thought of yourself. You spent all those years not even thinking about putting yourself first. You hear your tones and you roll. The adrenaline kicks in and it's on. The thing with PTSD is you stay in first responder mode when you don't need to. So when the switch flips, recognize it and what just flashed in your head. Then imagine that image floating away. Blow on it; literally, blow a long, slow breathe out and imagine you are blowing it back to the place where it already happened and it is not in the here and now.

Take some time out between retiring from EMS and starting your nursing career and think about yourself. Go lay in the grass and feel the sun on your face. Do whatever touches you spiritually and give yourself credit for the HONOR and the service you provided and performed and know that there are few people who have the strength and the ability to do what you did.

Know that there are many people out there who feel as if they owe you a debt of gratitude and wish they knew who you were so they could thank you; no matter what the outcome of the call. Know that you are probably in the prayers of mothers, fathers, husbands, wives and children whose loved one you took care of.

And besides, there is that reason in the back of your heart for changing directions and becoming a nurse ... you know what I am talking about. You would not be a nurse if your heart wasn't leading you in that direction. :)

 

[FormerNYCEMT]

I worked in EMS for about 5 years. I quit about 8 years ago and still have nightmares and flash backs about some of the jobs I had...I finally decided to see someone

 

[RussH]

EMS can be very difficult to a person's emotions. You see some horrible stuff, and it can affect you negatively.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Welcome to the forums :hug: I hope this place helps you. It's very useful because of the bulk amount of people who feel similar and understand. There is a lot of advice and support to be found here :) I hope that this amazing community helps you as much as it helped me, reading all the similar stories, and learning a lot along the way. Hugs if you accept :hug: