paranoia, paranoia

[fern]

Hi, first post here. I found this forum when I was seeking help during what was the worst ptsd related panic attack I had in a couple years (a few days ago and still recovering).

I'm seeking some advice and shared experience from people who also deal with paranoia, specifically in the form of distrust of people around you. My experience with this is specifically tied to my traumatic experience/PTSD - it did not occur at all before.

Most of the time I am doing really well in terms of my recovery. But sometimes, every once in a while, when I am triggered it feels like it tears apart the very fabric of my own reality- like I don't know who I can trust or what is even real anymore. With people who have been in my life for both short and long periods of time, with people I had considered trusted friends. It feels like my triggers are less frequent - and/or feel less catastrophic. Except this time, like I said, it tore apart the fabric of my reality. I felt so alone and far away from everyone. I felt totally fearful and vulnerable.

This I'm sure had to do with a certain substance I had taken at a party, during which time my best friend who has been a solid in my life for 2 decades made a move on me (I did not advance, then shut down and my brain went into panic and distortion mode) which is completely out of character and something we have never had interest in or talked about at all. We have plans to meet up and check in about what happened and in the meantime I am gradually recovering as the serotonin in my brain rebuilds and I am just immersing myself in work.

Please send any shared/similar experience, help, support, words. I had been doing so well and this experience has left me completely disoriented and out of touch with reality.

TLDR;
PTSD related paranoia/distrust:
-how do you deal with that?
-do you ever feel like you cant trust anyone else?
-how do you ground yourself? And what is most useful for you to ground during extremely overwhelming panic?
-how do you know who you can trust? Or what to trust?

Thanks, and hoping you all are well and safe.

 

[Deanna]

This I'm sure had to do with a certain substance I had taken at a party, during which time my best friend who has been a solid in my life for 2 decades made a move on me (I did not advance, then shut down and my brain went into panic and distortion mode) which is completely out of character and something we have never had interest in or talked about at all. We have plans to meet up and check in about what happened and in the meantime I am gradually recovering as the serotonin in my brain rebuilds and I am just immersing myself in work.

This happens when you take a foreign substance and have PTSD. The two just don't mix. You re bestie is just as afraid, as you are, that you've lost the friendship. At least you're going to talk about it. Try slowing down your breathing by closing your lips and breathing out your nose and take deep breaths. It will work out. Breathe

 

[Ronin]

I treat paranoia based on a space it's coming from - a ramped up hypervig vs panic based paranoia vs distrust that's reasonable just taken to the extreme vs reality abort disconnect paranoia are all a different animal.

Even if they 'feel' the same.

Hypervig? Get down sensory, to the type and amount I can manage. If none, dark quiet time somewhere warm and soft and non threatening until I can process sensory input again.

Knowing what lights & sounds around me are. If I must, write it down and checklist eliminate what the unknown danger totally surprising (... only heard 5000 times before ;) ) sound was.

Panic? Remind myself I know how to survive + calming breathing. Until I can calm down. Or at least know which direction to strike off to, to be safe.

Distrust? Remembering one person turning is just one asshole. Good it's open knows they are, now, pansies in hiding are more threat to me than ones I got colors of. ;) They're doing me a favor.

Remembering I need to trust *me* not others, first. Others will come. With me being there for me.

Reality kaput? Sticking to pieces that make sense and I can use. Worrying about the rest later. And laughing at what I can. Finding funnies makes even the bizarre less emotionally creepy. Not my problem reality is bonkers, my problem is doing the same things as usual and figuring what variables changed actually need my attention. If it ain't immediate threat of death or harm, I'll sort it later.

Re trust anyone else... that bit is pft. So often a baseline. I'm more baffled when I trust some and get that wrong, or degrees very wrong. All kind of extreme been normal too long.

Panic, breathing.
And then soft soothy things, not sharp and loud and unexpected.

Who to trust .. I don't *know*. It's a find out exercise. ;) I'm more concerned having contingencies for if I *can't * trust them. Do this, I do that.

And not messing my head by chemistry that will mess it worse. Ditto, laying low or staying put, if something is waay unclear. Same as all the other reasons resulting in Can't decide well. You stay safe and stable until you can.

One bad experience somewhere may not yet mean everything changed. Or that ties need be cut. It may be. But it might have been a bad trip. In at least what I read of your post.

 

[joeylittle]

This I'm sure had to do with a certain substance I had taken at a party,

I know @Deanna already commented on this, I just wanted to echo her words:

The two just don't mix.

Exactly.

I miss being able to relax with some recreational substance use...I miss it a lot. But it's just not something I can let into my life, not with this disorder. I'm really sorry you seem to have had to learn about that in a very scary way. The next time you are tempted, even if you think "I'm so much better now, this time I'll be OK" - try and remember how badly this went. Depending on the substance, you can end up with anything from mild discomfort to a dangerous fugue state. It's just not worth it.