Childhood Parental Abandonment

[Brenton]

I can't stop hurting over being abandoned. Its been with me all day, and its painful - very painful. He just left me. How can you just leave your own flesh? If he really loved me, nothing could keep him away. He showed up again in my early teens and he's always treated me like I'm an idiot, always making me aware of how weird I am. But, how does he expect me to be any where near normal?
Its like a crater, it goes deep inside me, and it feels like its always going to hurt. I want to hurt myself because I can't turn the anger where it belongs. I keep it in until I self-destruct, but something in me won't let me express myself, express the hurt.
I don't want to love him anymore

 

[Rumors]

Very sorry. Let it out and keep writing. Don't bottle that up....

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@Brenton I don't know if this will help you, but you need to remember that he left because of his issues, not yours. You deserved so much better. :hug: if you accept

 

[PreciousChild]

Hi Brenton,

Sorry to hear about the abandonment. I remember you posted on one of my threads that you also, like me, had a love/sexuality adaptive style. Perhaps that's what abandonment does because I have abandonment issues with my dad too, and that's probably related to how I feel I have to be perfect to be loved. But my dad didn't just leave and return years later. I'm sure that was devastating for you. What's worse is that when your dad returned, it doesn't sound like he changed at all or expressed any regret or try to redeem himself in some way. How frustrating and unjust!! Our parents' love has such a deep affect on how we feel about ourselves. He did not give you what you needed and deserved, which affected your sense of self, and now he has the nerve to judge you! He has no right. If possible, I would try to stay away from him as much as possible. I hope you can give yourself what he couldn't give you.

 

[Adrian2016]

I was abandoned as well. Multiple times...it's been a part of my anger and distrust for a long time...i dont think that pain and betrayal i felt will ever fade completely

 

[rhyskrispee]

As a member of the abandoned child cohort, I have come to accept that I will never have appropriate attachment in any relationship. I find it more helpful to focus on treating others well but not really expecting to get anything back. The difficulty is intimate relationships. Though I've essentially been married to the same person for roughly 30 years, I still panic that if I say or do a wrong thing I will be left again. The flip side isn't any better as I cannot always tell when I'm puttingup with something a normal person would never stand for. When I was in counselling my greatest fear was to talk about my relationship, because what if my therapist told me I was crazy to stay. Every day I wonder if today'so the day I blow it an wind up living in a box. So yeah, 30 years and it's not gone away.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Sorry about your dad, mines didn't abandon me, but kicked me out for no reason, made it clear he didn't want me around. It hurts like hell. This is thirteen years ago.