One more thing you might not be takin into account--(and bully for ya, deathray, you're makin the right move)--
And this is gonna hit your ear funny, I know...but in her mind, she might actually be lookin at her attitude and responses as a matter of tryin to HELP you. I know. Sounds ridiculous.
But think about it--she's from another generation. They didn't have Dr. Phil, pop-psychology--or much in the way of psychology at all, for that matter.
The only "treatment" the had, back in her day, was the "bootstraps treatment", as in "pull yourself up by your bootstraps"
Why? There weren't any other options, that's why. So people were told to "just suck it up", when they had problems or felt bad. The prevailing wisdom of the day (and I know, my pa was 49 when I was born--so part of a different world)--was if you were being to easy on a person, you might as well kill em, because you were encouraging them to be weak. And weak people just died. That's it. Not many other options back then. So it was considered the absolute best form of parenting to tell your kids to "just shut up and tough it out", in other words. You were helpin em get strong, like they needed to be. Helpin em to learn to decide to just "cut off the pain, and keep marchin"...because, again...there weren't any other options to be had. You were making strong adults that way, who could pull their own weight, and choose to ignore discomfort.
And there's at least somethin' to be said for that approach. I don't think there's much debate but what we've gone a bit soft, since.
But still and all--there are options now. There are diagnoses and treatments that offer real hope. 'Just shut up and decide to ignore it' isn't the only option, any more.
So hopefully we'll move at some point into the synthesis following thesis and antithesis...some middle-ground between the two. Who knows.
But bein her age...your ma's from the old school, too. And old ways, from youth, die hard.
So just another perspective, to open another door of consideration. I don't know her, of course, so I can't say. But point bein' while you may not be gettin what you'd like from somebody...that doesn't mean you're necessarily seein all there is to the picture. Even if that's not the case with your mom--that she's trying to help you this way---I've known lots of old timers, my dad included, who were exactly of that school of thought.
For example, any time I ever said to my dad that anything bad happened to me...his response was "and you brought it all on yourself".
What a complete bastard! That's what I always thought, growin up.
Took me years and years for the lightbulb to go off. He's from that old school...he was tryin to teach me somethin valuable...that as long as you blame things on anything else, you're not seeing how your actions were involved in it...and when you're not doing that...you're giving up control, ad submitting to being a victim in life, a subject, rather than a prime-mover. And though it fairly made my head pop, at the time, I'm grateful now. It got me to thinkin about all the why's and wherefores of exactly how it all went down, and what I could have done differently...and left me with the real sense that "the ball was in my court", after all. I could change it, and I was expected to be able to change it. So I learned to, pretty well. I took responsibility for everything happening in my life, and was a lot better for it.
Whether this applies to you or not, who knows. Just givin you an example--sometimes we're not seeing the big picture at the time. Sometimes people who love us, especially older folks, are tryin to "be cruel to be kind". Just another angle.
