Hello
@bright future28 ! Thank you so much for the beautiful writing in your other post by the way; that was truly wonderful.
I've been on paroxetine for years and years; nothing else kept me from spiraling into a sort of hyper-aroused, unsafe-feeling state when life would throw stressors at me (which it does for everyone.) It is sort of like I didn't develop normal "brakes" on feeling fear; I don't think I learned how to self-soothe except for dissociating... Currently doing some work on that finally.
I did have side effects esp. at a higher dose (40mg) -- gained lots of weight, and other things -- but that was years ago. Now I do 20 and
exercise; the side effects are much less though still a bit. However the lack of those spirals where I'd feel unsafe, then unsafe about feeling unsafe, stop being able to sleep well, etc. etc. -- amazing -- though I sorta take it for granted now.
I hope that with work on self-soothing I might not need it, but not there yet. I really just realized last year (cognitively) that I dissociate some while normally functioning; sort of derealized w/ numbing; even during good times etc. even on the paxil. I'd used those skills since childhood due to years of various types of abuse during childhood and parents who lacked good coping skills themselves. It's 'normal' for me except for brief occasions when I'd "wake up".... Those occasions let me know I had issues but there was no cognitive framework for my "adult mind" to put these experiences into at the time. I never felt as "helped" by various therapies as some other people I knew did. So... paroxetine and exercise. :rolleyes:
I am so glad people are finally doing more research on complex trauma, dissociative issues etc.
The paroxetine was the only thing that helped me not spiral into feeling that unsafeness back then -- tried many other things (20 plus years ago) and without adequate treatment available for the hidden emotional traumatized "parts" I think it's what has kept me mostly functional. I have actually sorta developed a "normal life" though dealing with lots of ptsd/"parts" stuff again now... but with better life skills than I had years ago, hopefully. And a much more knowledgeable T, a great community here, a trauma-sensitive yoga class, PT person who "gets it"... much better environment to try to do this work in. :)