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Passively suicidal

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hermione

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At a low right now been struggling really bad with my depression and just hopelessness ...my nightmares are terrible as are flashbacks...my therapist feels I have regressed a lot recently and am going backwards. I said a lot in texts to her and she said the way I talk is passively suicidal and she wonders if I need to be in a hospital she talked with my psychiatrist too it's a tough call and in part I am suicidal but I told her I don't need to be in the hospital... this is just hard as I don't know what is the right call hospitals have kept me safe in the past when like this but sometimes make it worse like they pay no attention to my eating disorder and I don't eat at all and I in part would like that right now too...which isn't healthy either just I hate being so low and feeling no hope.
 
Can you make arrangements for your eating disorder to be addressed also while in the hospital? You know what keeps you safe.... that is the most important thing.... you deserve to be safe.... and sounds like you need a break.... do what is right for you... no perfect situation... just what is right for you to be safe...gentle hugs if you accept..
 
Hey there : ) I'm Reno.
It sounds like you're in a really tough place-- I'm glad you're actively getting help, but if you've begun feeling unsafe again then it's definitely time to take action.

I'm so sorry you're hurting like this, to the point where you're concerned for your safety. And I know it can become all the more difficult to really address these challenges while they're going on. You may or may not need hospitalization, but if you feel you need to be kept safe then it's best to address all of your concerns with someone who can be involved in that process.

From your post it wasn't clear to me whether or not you felt a need to be hospitalized, but I could tell that you were very concerned about how your treatment might be handled there.

Perhaps a nice compromise could be setting up a game plan with your therapist, it they're willing. That way, if you go into the hospital your therapist can contact your care providers there to set you up with a patient advocate. She can also convey a list of concerns that need to be paid attention to if you're admitted again, such as your ED and perhaps schedule regular check-ins with the advocate.

I know a lot of patients feel neglected in hospital care, and it helps to have an advocate who can insure that your rights are being upheld and that your treatment is being upheld. It also helps to have someone to insure that you have an advocate and that they're following up with you. It's just a suggestion, but if it would make you feel more secure about your treatment or potential treatment then I encourage you to approach your therapist about what she can do.

If you do go with a game-plan, perhaps your therapist can save it for emergency use, and you can revise it as you move through your recovery.

Wishing you well. xx
 
From what I know, unless they're well trained to handle PTSD and they quite possibly are going to cause more damage. Often hospitalization for suicidal issues is a temporary fix unless it's a long term facility. But, I would do my research, because even places that claim to deal with eating disorders don't have a clue about them and can either cause or worsen PTSD.

I don't really have an answer for you, but I can relate.

Can you work with your t more frequently?
 
Would a residential treatment program be appropriate? I know that some have programs for both PTSD and ED so that might be your best bet in order to get treatment (or at a minimum, sensitivity) for both issues.
 
Thanks for the support. I know my therapist was just talking for like safety purposes even though last week she mentioned long term trauma treatment. I am not in a great place i see my therapist twice a week for double sessions If i went somewhere i like the idea of my therapist being involved some how she is the one person i trust so it would really be helpful if that were to happen and taht is worse case scenario i don't want to go to the hospital i know no one ever really does...i have done residential and inpatient for my eating disorder a million times but none of those times did i work on my trauma and it made my eating disorder worse when i was in a program well maybe a trauma program wouldn't but eating disorder inpatient treatment makes me worse...i am exhausted right now so tried to read all these responses but just my brain is not functioning all that great right now i can do my job even though it is taxing i love it but i am just so tired i would love to take tomorrow off but i just took a day off for laryngitis which i still have but can sort of manage a voice. its all emotional anyway according to my therapist. i am just spent right now...
 
It's clear you're under a lot of strain right now. Take some time to care for yourself today and tomorrow, even if just for 15 minutes, do something just to treat yourself and make you feel good. The fact that your stress is causing you so much physical strain tells me thatt you need some self care and probably an outlet.

Do you have regular activities that help you to get some of your energy out/

Wishing you well,
Reno
 
I had book club last night but was so exhausted I could hardly enjoy it...I have work today I will probably just come home and relax or try to. Sometimes I can't get out of my head so hopefully tv will be enough to distract me tonight I should go grocery shopping but with an eating disorder it makes it harder to do...I don't even want the food
 
I am so exhausted at work today it's such a struggle to get through I love the kids it's just exhausting...my thoughts are all over the place... I made an appointment with my psychiatrist it's not until August but something she is in communication with my therapist so that helps but I just feel like I am drowning. I just don't know I feel so hopeless sometimes and just want to give up like I just don't see the point...
 
And when we feel what you are feeling, finding the 'point' is past impossible. So on those days for me, I just get thru the day... that's it.. just plod along, going thru the motions, because that is all I can do.... because the feelings change... seems impossible to imagine that right now, but they do.... just to focus on one thing at a time until you can get home..... glad you made that appt.... it will change... and you will look back and wonder who that woman was who felt so helpless and hopeless.... sending gentle supportive hugs if you accept...
 
Thank you for the support. I some how got through work now home and exhausted. Not feeling great and journaled some at work. I have therapy tomorrow I don't want to say I am still feeling sort of suicidal I don't want to go to a hospital ...
 
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