D
Deleted member 38644
Joey the administrator wrote a post that had me to remember some things. In 2011 I swallowed pills hoping to die but I didn't. When I was living with my mother there were so many men coming in and out the house moving in and out. She never paid attention to me. I had to see her treating men bad, had to see one of her boyfriends go to jail for drugs, one of the guys even tried to poison her and when I searched the house I found a gun loaded with one bullet. When I was in high school I was not able to handle it or concentrate I didnt know I was spiraling.
My mother would call the police on me for the guys trying to throw me in jail. There were so many times my mother and I would get into it because I didn't want to go to church I wanted to stay in the room depressed. She would throw stuff at me, even took a butter knife trying to cut my leg. She would go repeatedly file false police reports on me trying to pull me out of school. She would always go trying to put me in boot camp for bad kids. I had to miss days in school.
The State came into our home and she would do all the talking as always. She would tell them I'm suicidal, she would tell them I'm Depressed and need to be on some medicine. I threw those pills in the toilet each time. The same way I snap today is even the worser. I never realized I been doing the same thing. When I was assigned a counselor I never trusted her. my mother would call and tell her things I knew nothing about. we moved around alot. My first boyfriend was this guy who was walking around with a tech 9.
We went to the same high school and I had to see him with other girls. He was known for shooting people and shooting people houses up. The second guy I dated I cried over but now today I realized different. The last guy I dated was my abuser. People said that I would end up pregnant with kids because they suspected me of being around do many different guys because I was quiet, but instead My cousin did. My life was a total secret. It was hard getting my father to do anything except buy stuff. my mother would go to court to put my father on child support. My father would quit talking to me. all people wanted to do was buy but nobody taught me a damn thing. My older sister stayed running away to avoid the house. In 2012 I went to a community college hoping to take off because I never made the GPA. I remember making suicide statuses on Facebook I was basically wreckless. I was never like my mom and still isn't. I took a bottle of pills and the only thing it did was paralyze my right hand temporarily and I didnt eat for almost a month. my appetite had left. I had to live with my auntie while in college here.
I went to college in 2012 and was in domestic abuse with my abuser. I use to go buy box cutters and take pills while trying to attempt the next suicide. my friends use to think my attempts was over the guys but it never was. I felt trapped my whole life. I never wanted to go from guy to guy.
In 2013 I moved out the dorm into my first apartment. The first day my ex found my apartment and beat me. He was dating this girl who got a thrill of him beating me. I blacked out my entire life because I was not happy. nothing was going right. Everything I did or tried to do ended up in disaster. While getting beat I couldn't keep a job. I lost my apartment, I lost my cars and etc.
My first house was broken into for drugs because of the guy next door from me. My house was even shot in because of the guy that moved next door to me. I never owned a bank account stabled unless a school refund check comes. I never had a chance to even do hair stuff like others or even dress myself like I wanted. I felt alone. I went alone in life to keep people from calling me crazy because I didn't do the same things they did. I want to go sno skiing and etc. My family told me to be quiet because I was talking crazy.
When I had my own apartment I had to keep calling home asking for money. I couldn't buy myself hardly any food and even furniture. I was getting beat so bad.
I was in so much debt till this day I can't pay it off. When I lived in the college location where my apartment was, I ranned out of gas so much. I struggled. I had to call my sister so much.
I was losing so many jobs and was so angry spiraling. My dad bought me cars that ended up breaking down. I never brought anything I can call my own because of this cycle. The State let my ex ruin my social security number because of his mom. I just now got justice for that. I had to throw away everything I owned nearly when I escaped domestic Abuse. I even left furniture.
I work outside of cities and still do to this day. I had to ask my parents for money to go back and forth to court that ultimately led to another court case somewhere else that ended up bringing my entire life to light in front of the State. I am 23 years old and just now about to start my new life. I have to get trained in education again and how to take care of myself.
The basics of life just about I missed. I was fast driving and got a ticket going 80 mph in a 55 mile zone. I enjoyed my junior high school years because this wasn't me. I remember making good grades. My family would help me out then turn it into a scheme or just letting the bill sit there ignoring all resolution. I would like to play sports, never did. I was so depressed and trapped that I did things to make others happy.
my best friend died of domestic abuse a few years ago. I didn't know when I was being beaten, she was laying in the hospital while her family trying to find me to tell me. When I got back home I found out my childhood friend hurt her. She was domestic violence but if I had been there she would be here. I thought her mother knew he was beating her, she never knew until I told her. My use to be childhood friend committed suicide in his cell before trial.
I had to drive hours to court to fix my name in the legal system because the court officials allowed someone to obtain my SSN and he didn't put the right name or any information so I wouldn't know. They allowed him to mess my name up.
Until someone sat down and made sense of this last year, I had to learn and process all of this. I still can't get out and get a job. I had to fix the mess my abuser made from 2013-2016. Had another abuser that did the same thing. 2015 reflect 2013-2016. Alot has happened to me when I was suicidal like that. It felt like a cycle of trauma that lasts 4 years and repeat itself from previous times that keep going and going. I went to court and my car broke down. my sister lied to me like she was not at home so I had to sleep under the bridge until my father came and got me. My sister talks about me like a dog to people. I kept my life so private that people guess where I go and what I'm doing.
My sister had to dress me for senior picture day. I can't afford anything. I can't go out and get a job. I am still struggling to go to school. This is 2017 and I got to regain all of what I missed I know through much therapy. My dad controls me with money. I remember driving fast getting so many tickets not caring. Knew nothing until last year. nothing but drugs and crimes surrounded me. I worked to pay off my school balance and I barely made enough. I work far away out of fear. I didn't use to hack guys Facebook accounts and go bonzerks. Something happened to me. it's like a complete circle. nothing in life for me wasn't stable.
I gave my mom some money for the car note she does other stuff with it. my mother would scheme men out of money and Put them in the rain if they didnt have their checks. She made this certain elderly man walk 12 miles back home in the pouring rain, even hit him with sticks. The last man she dated she tried to use him for his army money. He left her in a big house in a lot of debt struggling to pay rent, with so much furniture. Im so happy this year is the year I can leave my family and this toxic cycle where it's at. My suicide attempts wasn't over a guy. I just can't figure out why I'm trapped. Im moving from house to house.
My mother would call the police on me for the guys trying to throw me in jail. There were so many times my mother and I would get into it because I didn't want to go to church I wanted to stay in the room depressed. She would throw stuff at me, even took a butter knife trying to cut my leg. She would go repeatedly file false police reports on me trying to pull me out of school. She would always go trying to put me in boot camp for bad kids. I had to miss days in school.
The State came into our home and she would do all the talking as always. She would tell them I'm suicidal, she would tell them I'm Depressed and need to be on some medicine. I threw those pills in the toilet each time. The same way I snap today is even the worser. I never realized I been doing the same thing. When I was assigned a counselor I never trusted her. my mother would call and tell her things I knew nothing about. we moved around alot. My first boyfriend was this guy who was walking around with a tech 9.
We went to the same high school and I had to see him with other girls. He was known for shooting people and shooting people houses up. The second guy I dated I cried over but now today I realized different. The last guy I dated was my abuser. People said that I would end up pregnant with kids because they suspected me of being around do many different guys because I was quiet, but instead My cousin did. My life was a total secret. It was hard getting my father to do anything except buy stuff. my mother would go to court to put my father on child support. My father would quit talking to me. all people wanted to do was buy but nobody taught me a damn thing. My older sister stayed running away to avoid the house. In 2012 I went to a community college hoping to take off because I never made the GPA. I remember making suicide statuses on Facebook I was basically wreckless. I was never like my mom and still isn't. I took a bottle of pills and the only thing it did was paralyze my right hand temporarily and I didnt eat for almost a month. my appetite had left. I had to live with my auntie while in college here.
I went to college in 2012 and was in domestic abuse with my abuser. I use to go buy box cutters and take pills while trying to attempt the next suicide. my friends use to think my attempts was over the guys but it never was. I felt trapped my whole life. I never wanted to go from guy to guy.
In 2013 I moved out the dorm into my first apartment. The first day my ex found my apartment and beat me. He was dating this girl who got a thrill of him beating me. I blacked out my entire life because I was not happy. nothing was going right. Everything I did or tried to do ended up in disaster. While getting beat I couldn't keep a job. I lost my apartment, I lost my cars and etc.
My first house was broken into for drugs because of the guy next door from me. My house was even shot in because of the guy that moved next door to me. I never owned a bank account stabled unless a school refund check comes. I never had a chance to even do hair stuff like others or even dress myself like I wanted. I felt alone. I went alone in life to keep people from calling me crazy because I didn't do the same things they did. I want to go sno skiing and etc. My family told me to be quiet because I was talking crazy.
When I had my own apartment I had to keep calling home asking for money. I couldn't buy myself hardly any food and even furniture. I was getting beat so bad.
I was in so much debt till this day I can't pay it off. When I lived in the college location where my apartment was, I ranned out of gas so much. I struggled. I had to call my sister so much.
I was losing so many jobs and was so angry spiraling. My dad bought me cars that ended up breaking down. I never brought anything I can call my own because of this cycle. The State let my ex ruin my social security number because of his mom. I just now got justice for that. I had to throw away everything I owned nearly when I escaped domestic Abuse. I even left furniture.
I work outside of cities and still do to this day. I had to ask my parents for money to go back and forth to court that ultimately led to another court case somewhere else that ended up bringing my entire life to light in front of the State. I am 23 years old and just now about to start my new life. I have to get trained in education again and how to take care of myself.
The basics of life just about I missed. I was fast driving and got a ticket going 80 mph in a 55 mile zone. I enjoyed my junior high school years because this wasn't me. I remember making good grades. My family would help me out then turn it into a scheme or just letting the bill sit there ignoring all resolution. I would like to play sports, never did. I was so depressed and trapped that I did things to make others happy.
my best friend died of domestic abuse a few years ago. I didn't know when I was being beaten, she was laying in the hospital while her family trying to find me to tell me. When I got back home I found out my childhood friend hurt her. She was domestic violence but if I had been there she would be here. I thought her mother knew he was beating her, she never knew until I told her. My use to be childhood friend committed suicide in his cell before trial.
I had to drive hours to court to fix my name in the legal system because the court officials allowed someone to obtain my SSN and he didn't put the right name or any information so I wouldn't know. They allowed him to mess my name up.
Until someone sat down and made sense of this last year, I had to learn and process all of this. I still can't get out and get a job. I had to fix the mess my abuser made from 2013-2016. Had another abuser that did the same thing. 2015 reflect 2013-2016. Alot has happened to me when I was suicidal like that. It felt like a cycle of trauma that lasts 4 years and repeat itself from previous times that keep going and going. I went to court and my car broke down. my sister lied to me like she was not at home so I had to sleep under the bridge until my father came and got me. My sister talks about me like a dog to people. I kept my life so private that people guess where I go and what I'm doing.
My sister had to dress me for senior picture day. I can't afford anything. I can't go out and get a job. I am still struggling to go to school. This is 2017 and I got to regain all of what I missed I know through much therapy. My dad controls me with money. I remember driving fast getting so many tickets not caring. Knew nothing until last year. nothing but drugs and crimes surrounded me. I worked to pay off my school balance and I barely made enough. I work far away out of fear. I didn't use to hack guys Facebook accounts and go bonzerks. Something happened to me. it's like a complete circle. nothing in life for me wasn't stable.
I gave my mom some money for the car note she does other stuff with it. my mother would scheme men out of money and Put them in the rain if they didnt have their checks. She made this certain elderly man walk 12 miles back home in the pouring rain, even hit him with sticks. The last man she dated she tried to use him for his army money. He left her in a big house in a lot of debt struggling to pay rent, with so much furniture. Im so happy this year is the year I can leave my family and this toxic cycle where it's at. My suicide attempts wasn't over a guy. I just can't figure out why I'm trapped. Im moving from house to house.
