In my family of all girls, if someone is suffering, sisters will be there, there is a group think, being a victim.
It is when you are doing well that they are intolerant. I have a friend (i friend) that is an attorney, I have had a sister tell me off and say "you think your so damn good because you have dr and lawyer friends, you are a nobody, you have always been a nobody and are way out of your league""" They are all older than me by 8-12 yrs, by the time I was 30, they had all attempted suicide. The strength that I had-they said I was cold and uncaring. If you did not roll over and give it up-you are selfish. Sounds different than your family I take it????
I think name calling is very generic Bratt (a lot of other people on this thread). 'Selfish' is also one of the words of choice in my family if I don't do exactly what they want (adding to the laundry list). Being accused of 'thinking I am better than them' also used to pull me back down to their way of thinking. How can someone else tell you what you think? These are all forms of emotional abuse and control.
I am sorry to hear that they all attempted suicide. Are you trying to point out that the language they use is learnt (like mine) from a central controlling person? Did they experience similar traumas to you and that is affecting how they feel about the world and themselves in that world? Could these words be projections - that is, this is how they feel about themselves and they are projecting that onto you? Or, do they internally feel a low sense of worth, therefore judge others who they perceive have a higher sense of worth to make themselves feel better about their own perception of self? Are these things - strength, worthlessness, selfishness - their core beliefs? Have you adopted these core beliefs because they abuse you with them?
I grew up with two sisters (one older, one younger) and an older brother. My sisters were not there for me, I had the role of the proverbial 'big sister' - why? because my mother made a martyr of me. That is, if my fathers attention was on destroying my life (starting at 6 yrs old) he would not go after my sisters. My fathers ability to build group consensus, much like a pack of wolves, always is a diversion for his actions and, at the same time, a manipulation so that others carrying out his 'predefined' cycle of emotional abuse on me.
Smart people, like me, could pick up that this was emotional abuse, and challenge him, and that made me more of a threat, which just continued the abuse cycle. Because I challenged him, my family thought I was the stronger of the bunch and could 'handle' everything better. It served them well to build this image of me as 'stronger' as this was also a way of them shifting the guilt off them for not protecting me. Thereby, when I need help, its such a surprise, my fault, I am the horrible one. Shifting the blame and pushing me into their image of me - 'your the strong one, you can handle it'. What they don't realize is that they were supporting his abuse, encouraging it, playing into it, and that made it all more the worse for me.
The help is never provided because my father is controlling the game and they listen to him and his abusive words. If they don't follow him and do what he says, they are at threat of being treated like me. Yes, they see a dynamic on a superficial level, they just don't understand it beyond what behaviors they need to exhibit to gain 'approval' from him. He helps the others, why? because that reinforces with others that I am the problem and not worthy. They don't see that they are being manipulated and trained to abuse me (pack of wolves). They just adopt the behavior as the norm.
When I comment on the disparity between how I am treated vs them, the answer is, well he has been a really good father to me, you're the one who is 'difficult', 'selfish', 'a problem' (they are reiterating my fathers words). That's why he doesn't help you - your asking too much (to store boxes in garage), you're too difficult (its inconvenient for them so they are being difficult), you don't want to be helped (I asked for help, they just don't want to help).
Beware the BS that is emotional abuse my dears. xxoo
Jacquie - you are my DOPPLE-BANGER!
