Personalities Due To Trauma

[Abrasky]

My psych has confirmed that I had personalities due to the trauma in my childhood. I think they started during to a trauma when I was 19. But they weren't really there like they were in my subconscious with my forgotton memories. So I really appeared to only have one personality I think until I was 31. The personalities, one I call the volcano started really coming out a year and a half ago, and the other one came out about a year ago. It sounds a little crazy but I or my husband didn't really know, I just felt moody sometimes. I still functioned pretty well and just felt like my personality was changing every week, but was aware of it and just let it pass by and wait for me to pop up again. Me was always there though like it keeping these personalities reined in.

I think they (the volcano and the other one) are starting to integrate and go away.

It's sounds pretty scary to me different personalities. Any one had this experience?

 

[mohsen]

Hi maze,

I thought it was just me that had this personality in his subconscious, and it was a relief when I read your story.

I never, not in a million years thought I would have such a personality. However, he was there, and someday when I was too angry and depressed, he began to come out. I mean I let him to show me what's he got.

He didn't appear in a real world, but in a fantasy world, where he had all the power to do whatever he wanted.

When I looked into his characteristic, I noticed that he's more like my caregiver who abused me in the childhood and through my adulthood.

I don't know, maybe it's just a level of dissociation or some Dissociative Disorders. I read somewhere:

"Individuals with multiple personalities hear voices from within themselves. They predominately "read" each other's thoughts so verbal communication is actually more difficult than internal communication. The different components vary in age from little to babies to extreme old age. Some of the components can also take the internal composition of an animal. Although some of the components believe themselves to be separate from the rest (not sharing the same body), they can eventually come to recognize that they share the same exterior body. Components who accept this truth are capable of seeing the other components internally. The various components can actually be distinctly recognized by an external observer. The body seems to shrink and take on child-like attributes when a child component is in control.

Although some of the components can suggest, order or do things that are detrimental in their current reality. Their behaviors, beliefs, thoughts, words or actions were absolutely necessary for the survival of the individual at the time the components were created. The problem is that these components do not recognize that reality has changed. It is important to understand that even the most threatening components had absolutely no choice at the time that they were created than to carry out the behavior. If they did not, than the survivor would have been hurt or killed."

It was pretty interesting when you said they are starting to integrate and go away. How did you do that, I mean how you communicate with your personalities?

 

[Abrasky]

Hi
I'm a bit confused by what you said. I asked my psychologist if I had multiple personality disorder and she said she wouldn't say that. I'm not sure if that means my personalities are just only partly developed or something.
I just sought of notice that I have have a different mood. One is like anger, a volcano, and the other is like hate. It sought of effects my behavior in that the one with anger like a volcano is like my dad when he attacked me when I was 19. I sought of do the same thing, I will throw things and yell and scream. I sought of look at the world differently in a n angry way. I don't have voices as such. It's like a really really bad flashback, but my behavior is effected. It feels like a bad mood and I let it pass. Recently the volcano has been disarmed by something my psychologist told me to do. She told me to hug people when I am angry and know that I still love them, or tell them I still love them. The volcano feeling is disarmed after this.So it's going away, like all my other flashbacks and integrating. I still have the hate one.

It's certainly very strange.

 

[mohsen]

I think that your anger is not the core issue here, but it's your thoughts when you were a 19 years old girl.

At that time when you were attacked by your father(I presume the father who always told you his only concern is your welfare, and this way he always hides his true intention) you thought it's your fault, and maybe you did something wrong that deserve this punishment. And maybe you had this mother who always blamed you and didn't protect you against your father. Oh my god... I am a BAD girl. My father and mother no longer love me. So You had this feeling of being abandoned by them.

Every time you get angry. This 19 years old girl pops up and controls your behavior. It's not even you that are in a bad mood (are you now in danger? Is someone THREATENING you? ) .so you are dealing with this girl who still has a need to be loved, but still has feelings of guilt about what she didn't do.
You disarmed the angry one by hugging and loving people.(you seek for love because you're afraid of being left alone , of being abandoned. maybe it's an attachment issue). But why this hate one still is out there?because she hate herself , because her mother blamed her , because she think she did something wrong , because she think she's bad.

you may first need to love and hug her .and shake her guilty feelings.then you'll find the happiness that had been lost since then.

 

[anthony]

Mohsen... very normal for complex trauma sufferers to have several personality types, as they often become a coping mechanism within childhood against the trauma being endured. Some are dissociative states, some are actual personalities via moods, then very very rarely (0.0000000000000000001%) some trauma sufferers are literally multiple personalities where they have built complete personalities that they go within without memory of what occurs, being Multiple Personality Disorder (DSM calls DID), ICD still calls MPD from memory.

 

[Abrasky]

Thanks Anthony, that was very informative. I didn't know these things so it shed a bit of light for me.
Mohsen, I feel a bit grateful about your ideas, but I also think I'll trust my therapists view on this. We have a good therapist relationship and I trust her judgement.

 

[scott_1971_h]

I've often wondered if i have DID/MPD too. Certainly I have a fractured personality. There is only one but I can have 'states' that I can't seem to be able to get out of...
Scott

 

[Jagged Angel]

Sometimes it is just parts of us that have become separated due to the need to survive, and it's not DID... these parts seem to take on lives of their own, however all they need is listening to, and re-integration.;

 

[Powder]

In the USA, it is becoming more popular to discredit Multiple Personality Disorder, whatever you label it. Many Dr.s simply don't believe it even exists. It went through a hayday here during the later 70's after the film "The Three Faces of Eve." Then, there was a pop psychology interest in it. Dissociation does lead, as Anthony posted, to the personality of the person to fragment into different modes. Those modes can take on different genders, names and styles. They can feel like one does have about 2 or more personalities that are separate. They can integrate better after a while during healing. But if you are aware of them at all, then you can't have MPD because those people are completely oblivious to their other selves. They would answer "No" to all that we are discussing and would be totally unaware of the phenomenon. Their therapist, however, would watch as different people take over and then the person doesn't remember what the other personality just said or did. This is called "Switching." To a lesser extent, even with DID, one can Switch into the modes, but be aware of it, and just watching it happen, as it were. But you are aware of it happening, and maybe don't even like it and don't know how to stop Dissociating that way.

Many here have listed ways to curtail Dissociative epsisodes by carrying a power object. This is used in regular pyschology to help you feel empowered. For instance, if you feel trapped emotionally somewhere, you can take out your keys and hold them or jangle them to remind yourself you are an adult and free to leave.

Muse

 

[Abrasky]

I wouldn't call it MPD, having different personalities is what it feels like but it's just a really bad form of dissasociation really.

People don't talk about it because it is scary. There is a alot of stigma about mental illness. And it is very scary, because in essence my personality feels like it is changing.It's comforting for me to know that it is just a really bad form of disassociation which can be treated like all other forms of dissasociation. I usually get the memories and resolve the underlying issue and they go away.

I personally think these personality fragments exist to hide away memories. I think that in a trauma, one dissassociation state/personality is added on kind of like how a trigger is added for each trauma a person goes through. My PTSD now comes mostly from this one rage personality I believe. I took 11 years to get it to surface and 2 years to get out of my system. I don't have the rage personality any more because as soon as I start to dissassociate I start to tell myself something that brings me out of it straight away.

 

[anthony]

In the USA, it is becoming more popular to discredit Multiple Personality Disorder, whatever you label it. Many Dr.s simply don't believe it even exists.

That is not just the USA, but more so around the globe, as DID and its misdiagnosis has in reality done more damage to what is a legitimate, yet rare, mental health condition. PTSD has taken the same course during the DSM IV-TR, where they used incorrect words that have been manipulated within therapeutic realms for profiteering, how else can you explain people being given a PTSD diagnosis for losing a loved one normally, a relationship breakup, and the list goes on.

The only good thing is... all those with DID and PTSD who have been incorrectly diagnosed, all lose that diagnosis come DSM V when the criterion changes, because they will no longer meet the criterion, thus no longer be able to milk something when they don't have it.

Whilst it will stop some misdiagnosis, I would be naive to state it will stop profiteering, because therapists will just continue to fit people into things instead of assessing them unbiasedly.

 

[scott_1971_h]

I have certainly had the feeling of someone/thing in control of me. I would answer a question and think "That did not come from me". A few times I have had a thought, and KNEW I THOUGHT IT TWICE (telling someone to shut up).
Holy shit maybe I'm more dissociative than i thought...

Scott