Why I have to deal with awful personalities

[Hopemeanslife]

I am at the point in my life where I don’t feel like I can be in a romantic relationship with anyone, after my last relationship broke down after one night he decided to sexually assault me after an argument, took me a whole year and half to leave him, so clearly my skills for keeping myself are just not there and well I dont feel comfortable around men again properly ever since. I always wonder now what if like anyone can surprise you. It was really horrible when this happened because I loved him so much I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him if he didn’t do that, so it was a huge surprise along with disclosing my history of abuse a year before that. Then I started seeing someone new as time went on after I broke up with him eventually and I couldn’t settle down at this guys house at all it was the worst. Then a year after that I started seeing someone else and I just couldn’t sleep next to him like at all, I saw him for quite a few months until that broke down.

I haven’t really ever reached this point in my life where I find it difficult romantically I really didn’t think I had these issues. Turns out they are a huge problem for me, after my abuse as a child I use to see lots of people as I thought that’s what I am good for, as years go by encountering bad experiences with people every so often and my failed relationship that always come back down to lack of boundaries and respect towards me and abuse it’s really chipped at me as time has gone on and now I am well and truly fuc*d and I can’t take it, I even struggle to have sex with people as recently on mainly all occasions I ended up having a panic attack. One of the times was so bad that a large part of my body went actually physically numb I had to stop.

But now I’m also struggling to interact with others on a basic social level because a lot people just piss me right off, or they one up me, want to compete with who knows more who’s story is worse, like people won’t have conversations with me they just battle me but it’s not just friends and people I work with or new people I meet.

My parents do the exact same shit and I’m sick of it.

Think I have gotten to the point where I don’t want to be part of anyone’s life, not really, I find everyone just a hassle and they bother me and irritate me or don’t listen to me, and I literally do not have the capacity to go through the emotions when I don’t think any one of them is worth it. What have these people ever did for me? Nothing I need to leave everyone behind

 

[Kloo]

I’m in a similar position. I feel like I don’t attract good people and I’m pretty concerned I’ll spend the rest of my life alone at this point. There has to be something off about me for this to happen over and over but I can not figure out what it is that I need to fix. In saying that, I hope you are able to figure out how to break out of this cycle. God bless

 

[Hopemeanslife]

I’m in a similar position. I feel like I don’t attract good people and I’m pretty concerned I’ll spend the rest of my life alone at this point. There has to be something off about me for this to happen over and over but I can not figure out what it is that I need to fix. In saying that, I hope you are able to figure out how to break out of this cycle. God bless

I feel your pain it’s awful, feeling like you just fit in anywhere and just come across the worst type of people time and time again will make it feel like we are the problem. It doesn’t help other people say I’m the problem. I think we just have to be strong and not let others sway us with their weird nature or we will be with them and if we are with them then we may as well give up now.

I do feel like I am a magnet, I wish I could undo it all

Peace x