Petrified To Leave My Flat

[Crow]

This week has always been difficult. I'm usually sick. This year I keep waking up shaking and leaving my apartment isn't an option. Luckily i work from home and my boss let me change my in office day to Friday. Hoping I'll be better by then. I have therapy tomorrow. It's 30 minutes away. The thought makes me nauseous. But I'm staying conscious. Not much dissociation. Feeling the fear.

 

[LoneWoIf]

I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend likes to go out to eat every Friday. It causes me such anxiety that I have to talk myself into going for the entire trip. Usually once we sit down, I'm fine but the build up is the worst anxiety feeling ever.

I don't know if it will help, but I just repeat things in my mind like - every thing is fine, you have to do this, it will be fine, you know you have to do this, etc...I also listen to a very comforting song over and over which helps until I sit down. Hopefully this helps. Also, know you are not alone with this feeling.

 

[MisterCatLady]

I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend likes to go out to eat every Friday. It causes me such anxie...

I do that too! It's like i baby talk myself like a nurturing caretaker would "shhh we're doing great. You're doing great. You're doing this". I have this problem with going into public stores. I panic when people walk past me or behind me or in my general direction. I'm working on it.

 

[LoneWoIf]

I do that too! It's like i baby talk myself like a nurturing caretaker would "shhh we're doing great. You're doing great. You're doing this". I have this problem with going into public stores. I panic when people walk past me or behind me or in my general direction. I'm working on it.

LOL! That is amazing MisterCatLady. I thought I was the only one who did that. It's really like baby talk. If my thoughts were vocal I'm sure I would get the strangest stares.

I panic in large crowds when people just look at me. It's really bad. I have a range of thoughts like "they're judging you. Everyone thinks you're ugly. Run away now. Every one in this room hates you and wishes you dead." And probably literally no one even notices me.

It's like there's a monster glued to your back screaming absolutely untrue, hateful, debilitating things to convince you to give up.

 

[Friday]

Is the fear a good thing, right now? Something you're using to stay present and not disassociate or sleep the week? Or is it crushing/exhausting/similar and needs to be smoothed away?

 

[Crow]

Thanks for your responses. I use the positive affirmations/songs a lot on normal days. They don't touch what this is.

@Friday, exactly a good thing. Usually I don't remember the end of November and I'm completely numbed out. That I'm feeling this fear is a big step forward. The only coping I'm doing is I had some chocolate earlier....but still staying within my calories for the day. I think feeling it and respecting it's limits is the thing to do this year. Hope that makes sense.

 

[corvidae]

@CrowFeather support.