I'm on sick leave my boss wants to talk to me

Pink Freud

Learning
All your replies have been really helpful! Thank you all!

I've been also journaling all day and it helped to see things a bit clearer. Like what could go wrong, what would be the consequences and so on an so on...

Right now I need this job to generate basic income so I can stay where I found refuge, a sense of belonging and where I felt safe for the first time in my life. That's university and my field of study and I'm willing to hold on to that. If it means having twice the workload compared to other students plus PTSD, I'm willing to try. I know I have what it takes and can compensate some of it. I might take longer. That's ok. If it means I'll be eating only oatmeals for the next couple of month, so be it. I've heard they are healthy. It means not having dry feet during winter because of inflation and crazy priced shoes. I'll see how that feels. Heh. If it means having crises like today, let's go, I've done this crap before without dying. I want this really bad. Not for money, not for credentials or reputation. I need this feeling of safety and belonging in my life.
If I lose this job it will add even more stress to look for another one. It does make my anxiety go through the roof right now and I don't know how much more stress I can handle but the market for wage slavery is still working. So if I really get fired it's not entirely impossible to get another job soon enough to not getting evicted. I will lose one benefit though that I have now and that is really improtant to me and beneficial to reduce my stress level at work. That will be gone and I have to find a workaround for it.
All these are rational reasons for anxiety, right?

If I cry, and I will... well, I'm a human being before I'm a wageslave and before that I'm a student. I have basic human emotions and on top of that PTSD. I don't like wearing mascara anyway. Bring on the tears, baby!

Mic drop.
 

Pink Freud

Learning
I know I will beat myself up over taking longer than the average student but my CV is beyond repair anyway. There isn’t even a chance to cover it up with lies or blaming it on Covid but at least there is consistency in it.

You seem to have gone above and beyond to stay in this job
Thank you for validating. I needed to hear that. Even though I know I did all I could, it still feels like I failed.
 
Top