I didn't make it to the park to visit ducks today, but I did make it outside to pay tribute to my late aunt on her born day and to make time to celebrate life in all its forms.
She chose to take her own life by means of water, by jumping into a river. I chose to go sit in my favorite spot by the mountain stream and take some time to reflect on her life and all that she meant to me, rather than continue to kick my own ass with guilt and question whether or not I could have done more to stop it. I also spent time thinking about the irony of how water can both nourish the life flow as well as take it away....
Then I enjoyed some time with the pines and fir trees, especially admiring the scents they emit and the artistry of the cones...
I was reminded that no matter how good or bad I perceive a day to be, shit still very much happens all along the way...and if it doesn't, it isn't necessarily a good thing...just ask your innards...lol...
I was also reminded that no matter how many tools we use, or how often, how much we try to escape our perceived shadows, or how still we become in our attempts to simply blend in with "normalcy" and catch our breath, our shadow remains...
I almost stopped my walk and went back inside after the shadow thoughts, but something told me to keep going...and as I strolled along, I looked down and was greeted by this lovely dandelion-like wild flower, all by its lonesome, reminding me that beauty can be found anywhere, even when conditions don't appear to be very favorable...
From that point on, I had Tom Petty's song, Wildflowers, as my ear bug for the rest of the walk. May you rest in power, sweet aunt, and thank you for showing me the beauty in this otherwise mournful day.
