Physical "flashbacks"?

[asadafagahajakal]

One form of "flashback" I have is when I think of a memory, or when a memory decides to show up, I feel a sense of being touched, or my body is stuck back to that time, while the rest of my senses are here and now, and my body moves accordingly.

Like one time someone walked up behind me, I immediately remembered one of the times my mom ran up to me and lifted me off my feet by my hair. I feel something combing it's fingers through my hair, ready to pull with no warning. Or when I remembered when a teacher pinned me down and smashed my knee on the ground until I couldn't walk, I felt a hand reaching for my knee. I still have this sensory flashback in the middle of the night sometimes.

Whatever it is, it's not painful, but it's a faint touch, or sometimes it's like when you can sense the heat off someone's hand. But it makes me so f*cking uncomfortable. Sometimes it makes me sit or stand in a funny position for a second then I get weird looks depending on whos in the room.

Or the one time I recalled a vivid memory (this memory has been repressed for over a decade until it showed itself a month ago) where my mom picked me up and dangled me over the rail of a bridge, which was 100 feet above a freeway. And my feet were just restless as I imagined myself dangled above a bunch of speeding cars. Back in the real world Im kicking as if I was trying to throw myself back to the sidewalk. As I type this out I recalled my mom saying she'll drop me.

Does anyone else have this problem? It's really messing with me lately.

 

[anonymous]

Body memories are very real.

 

[asadafagahajakal]

They can be really embarrassing, especially if I'm twitching my feet or hands on my head/neck. What do you do about it when it's happening, especially in public?

I absolutely love the username btw @anonymous

 

[Fadeaway]

Yes. I can still feel his hand pinning my left shoulder to the ground. Under no circumstances can I handle being touched there because even when someone else moves there hand I can still feel his and it stays there for a very long time.

 

[Fadeaway]

If you are a premium member you can post as anonymous. That isn't a username for a specific member. ;) It took me a while to realize it was multiple people posting under that name.

 

[asadafagahajakal]

If you are a premium member you can post as anonymous. That isn't a username for a specific member. ;)...

Oh I thought anons were little doodle avatars with funny names. That explains when I tried to tag them there wasn't "anonymous", just similar tags. Thanks for the info!

 

[Roslie22]

Yes definitely
Like abuser breathing behind my neck is a common one
Or if I accidentally bump my head I get a flashback that im being hit ..

 

[Sideways]

As well as feeling the sensations that occurred at the time (like a hand on your arm), flashbacks can come with smells, sights, tastes, and sounds. Sometimes the emotion that you felt at the time accompanies the memory; and sometimes, the memory comes back only as a body sensation (body memories), particularly with trauma at a very young age.

It's handy to know, because if you start hearing things that aren't really there while you're having the flashback, it's good to have the heads up that "Oh, this is flashback stuff".

Like one time someone walked up behind me, I immediately remembered

This statement is huge. This was the "trigger", in the 100% genuine PTSD sense of the word. Triggers can be sensory, just like the flashbacks. A particular smell might trigger a flashback, for example. Although in my experience, the flashbacks triggered by physical touch are the most unnerving. Maybe that's just me!

Knowing your triggers (because they're often consistent, so it might be that from now on, anyone running their hand through your hair like that may trigger the flashback) is helpful, because it means you can start work on desensitising yourself to those triggers. This can be life saving during times that you experience a lot of flashbacks, because it means that at some point, you can teach yourself how to have someone run their hand through your hair and it doesn't trigger anything more than the thought "Oh, they're running their hand through my hair..."

 

[asadafagahajakal]

As well as feeling the sensations that occurred at the time (like a hand on your arm), flashback...

Thats exactly it. But the triggers aren't usually sensory unless it's someone suddenly grabbing my knee. It's a sensory flashback. So my wife can run her hand through my hair, and it's not a trigger, but thinking something is in my hair can be a huge trigger. And certain memories can trigger the feeling of someone pulling my hair. It's so confusing. I'm hoping when I talk to a therapist next week I can start identifying definite triggers. I know I'm only aware of a quarter of them.

 

[Sideways]

Trigger work is really helpful, but it's no walk in the park. There's definitely value in desensitising myself to triggers that I confront on a regular basis. But personally I haven't desentised myself to triggers that don't happen very often because it doesn't seem necessary to put myself through the desensitisation process for triggers that don't cause me distress very often. But knowing what they are is still helpful- it's easier to ground yourself if you know what's happening.

 

[techbrain]

One form of "flashback" I have is when I think of a memory, or when a memory decides to show up, I feel...

Yes! Exactly that. Even down to the weird twitching in public

 

[asadafagahajakal]

Yes! Exactly that. Even down to the weird twitching in public

I know right? I thought anxiety in crowds was bad enough but no let's throw in some twitching like we're tweaking.