Relationship Physical Symptoms Of Ptsd

[redheadmed]

Hello all....

I'm very new to this (like five minutes new!). My boyfriend is a combat veteran who served with the USMC and did a tour in Iraq and in Afghanistan. He was deployed to Marjah when it was supposed to be the most dangerous place, at the time.

I don't want to ramble and bore you all to tears - but despite all of the emotional problems that come with this (I honest to god got choked up and teary eyed when I found this site because the support for women like us IS SHOCKINGLY LITTLE - I sent it immediately to my friend whose bf served with my own), I've noticed physical symptoms...

Chris grinds his teeth at night - has anyone else noticed this? I can't seem to locate a lot of literature on it, but we're talking he's ground his teeth down near the gum... Something else I've noticed - we were bbqing once at this sort of structure and I had gone around the corner and forgotten something and turned back and he was coming around the corner, hands up in the air like a makeshift gun and crouching as though he were "clearing a room" or the corner. He stopped dead and stood up when he saw me. I know he must miss the Marine Corps, but... is this sort of play acting normal? He was kind of embarrassed and I played it off for him, but later asked if he does that regularly and he shrugged and said, "from time to time."

Does anyone know if this sort of thing is normal? Does it go away with time? Chris has been out for three years in the IRR, but I suppose I'm wondering if anyone can tell me if this goes away on its own. It's not as though he's inhibiting social functioning, but I guess I'm pretty worried about his teeth.

Thanks to anyone who can help!

 

[ferretmama]

Yes it is normal. If he can talk about it that helps. Have him fitted for a mouth guard at the dentist or pick one up at the drug store. It will help prevent more damage to his teeth.

 

[Friday]

My first thought is that it's not play acting... If you came back suddenly, surprise makes us react in a set kind of way. Like if you see a red light, or a kid run across the street, you slam on the breaks. It's an instant reaction. What makes combat work/ combat training effective is that under certain stimuli? You just react. Without having to think, you do the exact right thing. Bang! And drop. Person around corner! And position. Hand signal... And go. These and dozens of other things are ingrained ingrained ingrained, first in training, then under fire... Until it is beyond automatic.

Especially, because in relaxed atmosphere, everyone kinda just does the offset. Whatever it is that keeps those reactions from happening. So of you're walking around the corner in the barracks? You're talking before you turn the corner. If you're waking someone up? You do it with your foot (you are not legally responsible for your actions, up to and including murder, in the first 30 seconds that you are wakened up). But out here in the real world, cars backfire, kids jump on you wile sleeping, people you love forget stuff and head back without a word. Even for people without PTSD (or even adjustment disorders), this shit is hard to lock down. For people with PTSD is can be impossible.

But... He may also have just been play acting. But it's not a "for fun" kind of thing. For a variety of reasons. I manage to pass off clearing spaces while looking normal (I've been out a long time), but I still do it (esp when stressed. ROFL...Got called on never standing in a doorway, but off to the side earlier this week! Some people do notice small things.). The same way drivers check mirrors and gauges. 99% good practice/ingrained 1% useful. Except a little more. A lot more if it's a stress reaction. I canst stand in a doorway without being in physical pain. I hate, hate, hate, hate it. I hate it even more when someone else does it. The only reason to stand in a doorway is to block it. At least in my head. So if I'm not belaying entry/exit? I'm not painting myself a target. Even if it's a kindergarten classroom. Just like you'd never write a racial epithet on your forehead, or strip naked and walk down the street singing free sex! Free sex!. Even if you knew nothing bad would come from it... Because you're in a "safe" place to do so. Um. No. Not gonna happen. Consciously. Unconsciously, you simply wash your face in the morning and get dressed.

But have you ever been seriously distraught and taken extra care with your appearance? This makeup will go on, and it will go on flawlessly. Or done something to calm yourself down? Gym, ice cream, whatever? A lot of the 'play acting' type stuff is in the same realm. It's calming. It's not returning from the bathroom with mascara running down your face from crying, but looking flawless. Small things. Little things that keep your chin up, and give you a moment of calm & control. It just looks like cowboys and Indians, is all.

 

[Sighs]

Those instinctive reactions kept your man alive in a warzone. My man has been out 5 years after 24 years service 10 years of which was on deployment in warzones. Every time we go out to dinner we need to get a table where he can sit with his back to a wall and a view of the door. My dad has been out 42 years after 2 years of service in an active warzone. He also prefers that seat.

My advice would be to get the mouth guard for his teeth and accept that his reactions are appropriate to his experience of the world. Like @FridayJones said - only ever wake him up with your foot. ;).

 

[Chava]

It makes sense since trauma is really connected to the body and nervous system (more than cognitive processes or our otherwise rational side). I have to pay attention to my own cowering posture because it fatigues my muscles so badly. I have chronic pain, too, that has no logical basis in my everyday life, but could be connected to the semi-cowering and protective responses (most of my big traumas were really early in life).

I also grind my teeth but that seems to have improved with therapy (my head doesn't hurt when I wake up). Muscle relaxants for the pain might be helping with that too. I've cracked a few teeth and had a couple removed at this point. My dentist is very kind and doesn't demoralize me. She gave me a mouth guard but there was no way I was going to be able to sleep with that thing in my mouth. But for some people, that helps and at least protects the teeth. Trauma-focused therapy seems to be the best help for the physical effects of ptsd. I do a body/somatic focused therapy (somatic experiencing) and that seems to have helped with some of the head and jaw problems, though I still have some pain issues in other areas.

 

[Friday]

- only ever wake him up with your foot. ;).

<grin> There are other fantastic ways to be woken up :whistling::D:inlove:

ETA... Mmm... I should add...Some ways are just bad, though. Loud noises will out me in a bad place for the rest of the day. Banging, sirens, etc. Unless I can immediately go burn it off, the adrenaline dump without release is setting things for disaster.