basil pesto
New Here
Hi everyone, I'm basilpesto and I'm a 21-year-old non-binary/transmasc person. Similar to a previous poster, I came here from a forum that turned out to be not-so queer-friendly.
My father physically abused my brothers and I until I was about 5, then continued to emotionally manipulate us until I cut off contact with him four years ago. My older brother became abusive starting when I was 11 and that continued solidly through the end of high school. He had extremely frequent "outbursts" as we called them, during these episodes he'd punch my twin brother, yell death threats or suicide threats, make gross incestuous comments, throw glasses/shoes/chairs/other objects at us, punch walls, kick doors down, etc. He physically abused me a few times that I don't remember well, most of my PTSD comes from his verbal abuse and witnessing the violence he inflicted on others.
The attitude my family took toward his "outbursts" was more adaptive than preventive. I think my mom and stepdad tried their best sometimes, and other times it's hard to justify their parenting. Either way I don't have a fully trusting relationship with anyone in my family and I live on my own now.
It's so hard to navigate PTSD. Recently, I've struggled most with vivid nightmares, near-constant dissociation, extreme social anxiety, depression, and a general fear of everything. I thought my symptoms would get better after I left home, but I guess at least I'm not being actively abused. It sucks that my standard is so low, but...baby steps toward peace.
My father physically abused my brothers and I until I was about 5, then continued to emotionally manipulate us until I cut off contact with him four years ago. My older brother became abusive starting when I was 11 and that continued solidly through the end of high school. He had extremely frequent "outbursts" as we called them, during these episodes he'd punch my twin brother, yell death threats or suicide threats, make gross incestuous comments, throw glasses/shoes/chairs/other objects at us, punch walls, kick doors down, etc. He physically abused me a few times that I don't remember well, most of my PTSD comes from his verbal abuse and witnessing the violence he inflicted on others.
The attitude my family took toward his "outbursts" was more adaptive than preventive. I think my mom and stepdad tried their best sometimes, and other times it's hard to justify their parenting. Either way I don't have a fully trusting relationship with anyone in my family and I live on my own now.
It's so hard to navigate PTSD. Recently, I've struggled most with vivid nightmares, near-constant dissociation, extreme social anxiety, depression, and a general fear of everything. I thought my symptoms would get better after I left home, but I guess at least I'm not being actively abused. It sucks that my standard is so low, but...baby steps toward peace.
.
