Plants Vs Zombies, My @ss!

[Kaii]

I went to this weekly group therapy session yesterday, courtesy of my local gov't Mental Health Clinic. I am on their urgent list for counselling because of my PTSD and financially, I cannot keep paying $150/hr to see my private trauma therapist when I haven't worked in over a year. There are no therapists available right now through Mental Health and so they have come up with this "group therapy" approach while you are waiting to see someone.

I hate going there. I feel like I don't belong. The other people there have WAY different problems than I do. One woman is afraid of spiders. Another is bipolar. Another has alcohol addiction and one has a flying phobia, etc. Why am I lumped in with these people? I have no idea :(

Sitting in a room full of strangers for two hours every week is not my idea of comfort. Yesterday's meeting was the first time I had been out of the house all week.

So, this young and nice looking man sat next to me yesterday. He kept turning his head and looking at me. I don't know if he was trying to be friendly or start a conversation or what. But when it was break time, he got up to go to the bathroom and I took my iPhone out and started playing a game so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone.

Well, as he's getting up and is behind me, he looks over my shoulder at my phone and says "Oh, Plants vs Zombies! I was playing that game right before I came here".

That was enough to set off my paranoia button. WHY WAS HE TALKING TO ME?? WHY WAS HE LOOKING AT MY PHONE? WHY WAS HE LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER?

And so, I sat through the rest of the session in complete hyper vigilance mode. I started crying as soon as I left the building and then got into my car, locked it and cried hysterically for the next half hour.

Ahhhh, anxiety....how I love you <3

:P

 

[simplekindofgirl]

Because he thought you were hot and he wanted to talk to you, and when he saw what game you were playing he used it to try to strike up a conversation. :)

Sorry, I know that is bold, too bold even, but that is how people do it. And yes, with PTSD and post trauma situations, it alone can send us into a head-spin of paranoia and hyper-vigilance. Then add in your level of comfort in the group- I do not blame you as I would most likely would have felt and reacted in the same way.

Is there any way for you to get into a different group? If you are uncomfortable there and can not relate to it, then it may be beneficial to try to find a group that is a better fit for you. It is much like our therapist, if it doesn't fit, you have to evaluate your options.

Kaii- Hugs to you. I love that game by the way- we have it for the 360. I always have to fight the kids for my turn though.

 

[Meadowsweet]

((((Kaii)))) I think I would have had a very similar reaction.

In all honesty, my first thoughts would be to never go back.

But, if you've already had some trauma therapy, it might be that this group exposes you to stressful situations, but in a place where you are safe and where people might understand anxiety.

 

[Kaii]

Unfortunately, this is the only group. I have spoken to them about not feeling like it is a good fit, not feeling comfortable, having a lot of anxiety when I'm there, etc. and they have moved me to the top of the list for counselling. But in the meantime, there is nothing else.

I will probably continue to go because most weeks, it is the only time I leave the house. I don't want to become a complete recluse. I'm just so afraid of other people now. I don't trust them or their motives. I have come to the point where I prefer the company of my dog to anyone else.

You can trust a dog, people...not so much.

 

[Anna]

Yea, I second what the others said. The guy likes you.

:)

I guess he was trying to start a conversation, it can be pretty boring in waiting rooms.

Plant vs zombies is a really great game btw.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

In my experience it's HARD to find others in a group who also have PTSD. I've been in multiple groups and they're all bipolar, schizophrenic, alcoholic, drug users. In ALL groups I was the only one with PTSD. I hated it b/c our issues were different, treatment was different, etc etc etc... In one group a bipolar woman had a daughter with PTSD because she was molested by her dad. The mom didn't understand why the daughter wasn't better yet. (it happened a year ago?) I wanted to smack her and tell her that her daughter is changed FOR LIFE. But I digress... What helps others with mental illness often doesn't work for those of us with PTSD. Sending you well wishes...

 

[Volta]

I've never done group therapy before, but the idea frightens me. I don't know if I could even walk through the door, so I commend you on doing at least that much.

I agree with everyone about that guy -- he seemed to want to talk to you, regardless of the reason. I've been in those situations before. I'm a guy, and girls rarely do that, but other men, usually socially awkward, have done such things. I, like you, fear people I don't know -- I've been hurt too many times, so I usually brush it off with a crass pleasantry and avoid eye contact. Most people get the point and don't try again. I always feel like a jerk after though, not that I am being one. If he makes you uncomfortable, I'd try avoiding him for the time being. Avoiding people has it's negatives, sure, but for people like us, in out current state, it's all we can do until we get better.

I'm not surprised a government program would lump such different people together, they really don't give a shit.

In the meantime, while you wait for your name to come off the list, have you considered poking through a few PTSD books? I've been reading one by Aphrodite Matsakis titled "I Can't Get Over It." I'm lucky to be in therapy, paid for by my wife's health insurance, but this book has been a tremendous additional resource for me in between appointments. There are many other books out there, of course, but this is the only one I've read (still reading). It allows me to learn more about PTSD, work through some exercises, and so forth at my own pace, and in the safety of my own home.

In regards to the group therapy again, I commend you on wanting to go back. That shows great courage. I understand how hard it is.

I hope this helps.
Best, Volta.

PS: I've never played that game :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

There are no therapists available right now through Mental Health and so they have come up with this "group therapy" approach while you are waiting to see someone.

I hate going there. I feel like I don't belong. The other people there have WAY different problems than I do. One woman is afraid of spiders. Another is bipolar. Another has alcohol addiction and one has a flying phobia, etc. Why am I lumped in with these people? I have no idea :(

It sounds like you tried and it is'nt working out. That is a drag that he tried to talk to you. All I can say is try to take care of you. You are worth it. Taking a time out from the group sounds like a adea. I hate and loathe anxiety. Good luck in whatever you decide.

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