Playing "normal" In The Real World

[Notsowild]

I've been back at work for 2 months now. It's been tough I won't lie. My abusive boss has been so nice ( though it seems so strange). Anyways, I'm having a hard time playing the normal role every day. I've been going along like nothing happened to me. I'm pretending like I'm the same as before my trauma. It's just too hard. I want to say to all my co-workers " hey I'm not normal I have PTSD ". I want to cry some days. I try to stay calm but I get very anxious. I haven't taken my mini-breaks because I don't want them to question my normalcy. I feel like this alien person at work. Trying to hold it all together but sometimes breaking inside.

 

[anthony]

Firstly, normal is relative. Having PTSD doesn't make you less normal than another, and chances are, every other person is dealing with some struggle in their lives somewhere. That is normal.

Trying to hold it together is tough, for sure. My problem is that I can't for long if I have to bottle things that well... would really piss people off if I let go at them. I get it... and what you're doing is something I can't, so kudos to you, to be perfectly honest.

I think you may need to work some type of escape into your daily routine though if you plan on keeping up appearances without a full scale meltdown for the long haul.

 

[Suzetig]

You aren't the same though, you're not worse, or less than before but you aren't the same. The very nature of trauma changes us. Your work agreed accommodations to support you, I understand its hard but you need to think about taking your breaks so you have some space in the day to catch your breath.

I can't remember if you're in therapy at the moment but if you are it may be worth talking about how you feel our trauma has impacted your sense of self and what it means for you to appear unaffected by what you've been through.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I felt that way at work all last school year. The school year is approaching and I know some of that will come back up again. I feel like I am not the same person I was, but most people have no idea what I am going through. It is hard. I definitely didn't succeed all the time, but I am still going to keep trying as long as I can.

 

[Notsowild]

I think you may need to work some type of escape into your daily routine though if you plan on keeping up appearances without a full scale meltdown for the long haul.

Thanks @anthony for your words of wisdom. You really are a great guy. I agree I need an escape in my daily routine. Work-wise it is harder to do. I have been avoiding life. I don't know how to get back out there. People scare me. I don't know how to talk or act around them since my trauma. I just stay at home which I know is no good for me.

 

[Notsowild]

I can't remember if you're in therapy at the moment but if you are it may be worth talking about how you feel our trauma has impacted your sense of self and what it means for you to appear unaffected by what you've been through.

Yes I'm still seeing my T but not as often now I'm paying for it. We've been working with my "normal" acting at work. But... Nobody knows except my boss and its not like we would ever be close enough to talk about how I'm feeling. I'm sure she just expects me to miraculously go back to normal one day. Or then maybe she thinks I am. I am a good actress at work. I should get an Oscar lol.

 

[Go Hungry]

I know what you mean. Sometimes it's a struggle not to just run out of the place.. But I'm pretty good at seeming *kinda* normal. I think by now that everyone knows that I'm 'the odd guy' and they all pretty much accept it. I wish they -didn't- know that.. That I could just fit in with everybody.. but que sera sera...

 

[Notsowild]

Thanks @Go Hungry... Yes I'm the odd one at work. Always was. I'm just odder now. I always wonder what they think is going on with me? Or really do they care? I don't know how to fit in anymore. Most days I could care less that I don't. But... I do feel awfully lonely and I have no one to talk to.

 

[Go Hungry]

Yeah.. Well I heard some guys the other day through the door saying something along to lines of "they figure it's probably a mental thing' and then when I walked through it they kinda started chuckling to each other. I guess they didn't know that I can hear so well.. LOL.. There was a time when that would have driven me up the wall, but it didn't that day. It just depends on whether I'm feeling threatened or not... v0v

 

[Notsowild]

Ouch that's awful. Your a lot stronger than me. I'd probably fall apart right there. People can be so cruel and ignorant. No wonder I want nothing to do with them.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I figured out this year that I will never ever fit in anywhere. I fit in here. I feel normal in here.

You are not alone and can talk to us.

 

[Notsowild]

Thanks @gizmo...that is so sweet. This place has been my refuge from the big bad world. It's tough being out there.