Please Don't F*%$ This Up...

[QueensOwn]

Kia ora boys,

I have started a new relationship with an awesome young lady whom I have known her for a long time maybe around six years. But things have taken off and I've started dating her.

She is brilliant in so many ways and alot better than my previous girlfriend, she knows I experienced a few things in Kabul in 09 and is aware that it is some heavy stuff.

The details are lacking and I have purposely kept things at bay due to the previous instance with my ex-girlfriend; who knew alot, she became my therapist and not my partner. She knew far too much far too quickly and it compromised our relationship far too quickly.

This chick is by far more attractive, more aware, better suited, closer to my personality type and just all around awesome. She has dealt with her own grief with the loss of her brother in 09 as well to a caravan fire so it's not a foreign concept.

I want to share so much with her but I am so apprehensive as I keep thinking I might go down the same road. I don't want to reveal anything to her until i have taken steps to ensure that it is appropriate.

For example; solidifying our relationship by being with her for a couple of years etc.

I think that if I was to share with her that I loved her then the flood gates would open soon after...

I appreciate what I have here:
I don't want to F*%$ this one up as well!

 

[Jimmy1]

Kia ora to you mate. I think if you can make her aware of PTSD, even have her read some of the articles on here. After f*cking up so many relationships I asked Margaret to read the info. It helps her understand why I snap for no reason. It is no excuse, but it makes it easier for. Good luck mate

 

[Ned]

I agree with Jimmy. Give her a clue..........

 

[Zipperhead]

A couple of years is along time. If she hasn't figured it out by then herself, well,,,,,,

It's better she know the basics before the "quirks" start showing themselves. Pot and Kettle situation here, I was in Therapy for a month before I told my wife, so take that with a grain of salt.

 

[Fargo1]

QueensOwn,

After just experiencing the destruction of my latest three year relationship, my recommendation is that you inform her of your situation, educate her on PTSD (Jimmy's advice is sound I think) but not go into the great gory details until later (if ever). She will more than likely ask, but the simple telling of the tale is going to activate you....

 

[abnvet]

I also believe that telling her is best. She's aware that you were in combat and may have well figured out more than you think. - I lost my first wife b/c I tried to keep my ptsd from her. I remarried and told my wife from the start. Things are the best but at least she knows I am trying and that my actions are screwy b/c of reasons.

 

[watchdog]

let her know....she will find out one way or another, eaither by your symptoms, or by you being honest with yourself and her. Im divorced and now engaged again, I was upfront from the start, it was only fair, she was able to make a decsion......now she is the most supportive person I have in my life....its a big leap, no guarntees, but in my case it was the best thing I could have done, trust me, if she didnt know, and hadent educated herself, I would be out of the house by now......ultimatley its your choice.......but for myself, I deff would.