Please Help-being Victimized Again

[Ssam]

Are you from USA it would be helpful to know what country your from

 

[The Albatross]

I've decided I'm going to carry my pocket knife with me now, so I can feel a little safer if he tries something on me out there, but I really want to feel safe without having to carry a weapon and risk more trouble for myself.

For a time, because I had to enter and exit after hours buildings in dark or poorly lit places I carried a palm canister of Ultraviolet marking, pepper spray, and military grade tear gas. It provided me a sense of safety and was a better alternative to a knife. I also keep an axe handle in my car between my driver's seat and the car door on the floorboard. BUT ... something I found for myself and then later when I had the opportunity to work with a lot of very young women and teenaged girls was that I and they were ill prepared for how to deal with unwanted sexual attention of any sort. It is something that must be learned. But you absolutely do not have to put up with this stuff from your coworkers. It is your responsibility to set, communicate, and enforce your boundaries in the workplace. I would also work on managing the reaction about nervous laughter and smiling as it sends mixed messages. I actually had that issue at one time myself when under inordinate stress, though not in the workplace or linked to sexual advances.

I/you/we (human beings) teach people how to treat us. It is my habit now to deal with inappropriateness swiftly, directly, candidly and honestly. If it doesn't stop I report it. If it still doesn't stop I consider the environment toxic and look for another job.

It is one thing to acknowledge that the pattern of being singled out/targeted for unwanted attention or touching is still there. But it is another thing all together to buy into the idea that what is occurring in your present, as anxiety producing as it is, is the whole of your abuse. Keep your issues in the present as best as you are able, manage your stress, act responsibly to initiate change, set and calmly defend your boundaries. No means no.

The workbooks given are all really good.

 

[Dexter's Disciple]

I'm very proud of myself. I confronted him, made myself do it. I talked to him in a firm manner. I told him that his behaviour is unacceptable, that I don't want him to call me baby or tell me he loves me or grab my ass or kiss me ever again. I said, "This bullshit has got to STOP." I think he got it.

 

[Justmehere]

Yay!!! Good work!!!