Relationship Please Help Me To Understand

[harmony of love]

Beezzer,

This morning you brought a sensational and emotional smile to my face. Truly, I was able to feel a weight of relief for your family. Maybe it could sound weird to others or inconceivable but honest that is what shared struggles often feel like. We have this invisible family crocheted together by tears, joy, pain, elation, frustration, and indescribable feelings or lack there of! This thread and many others...morph into a healing source for the multitude of PTSD relationships.

I often look to these pages for a shoulder to cry on because my immediate support can not handle or tolerate this saga. Which in turn, makes me feel worse because friends and family can say things, albeit out of love, but with harsh realities that often times do not fit under the umbrella of PTSD. My friends are always surprised that I am still here loving him with all my support. Even though I need to work on myself and not fall into overwhelming myself.

Yesterday, I wrote him a letter expressing some of my feelings. I have not done this in a long time and we used to do it all the time...even during his treatment. I slowly adapted to his shut outs but I was not being heard or even asked to speak. A few days ago he wrote short texts about how its hard to hear emotion from me. A quick message and then I went to my crochet class. I felt as though I could take time to write him back, to take time for me. I then receive a message late at night, "thanks for responding to my text, dont worry about it, when is your next doctor appt?" I was surprised he was bothered and asking about me. This has happened before and it is unfair in my eyes. I do not press him about why he has not responded to my phone call or text. I give him space and time to heal. It is very confusing at times. But my love still does not waiver. I truly feel in my heart that he is not intentionally trying to harm or be short with me, which is why I stay true.

Wishing you and your family a heartfelt reunion and path to loving recovery. Life is what you make it!! Adopt the pace of nature!! Thank you for your cares, eyes, and thoughts! Today is a brighter day! No April fools day for me!

 

[May1321]

... because my immediate support can not handle or tolerate this saga. Which in turn, makes me feel worse because friends and family can say things, albeit out of love, but with harsh realities that often times do not fit under the umbrella of PTSD.

Harmony - As we've talked we're the same age, and as a lot of others have similar stories.

I struggle with this daily but particularly today as even my therapist does not seem to understand my 'logic' of working through things.

Am I on a slippery slope?

I think as long as you are absolutely positively making sure you are honest with YOUR core being, and not making excuses for what was or have high expectation of a reality that may not be able to be, then you are on the right track.

Wishing you continued strength on this journey!!!