Hello lilstar - in past years there were times I suffered badly from feeling done-in, from being backed into a corner and suffering from suicidal ideation.
I don't want to over simplify how layered and complex this stuff can get, but if (by force of will) you can get out, get in a good walk, or go to a pool (or a hot tub) - personally I have found this to help. In a mild way. For putting stuff behind, for doing direct work on the damage, you might look at the thread (in the main PTSD section of the forum) about a cure for PTSD. Some of us have been using the eye-patch. Wearing it hours a day. It seems to help us in a similar manner. Another: oddly enough, for me, taking a freaking cold shower jars me out of a negative space pretty well, too.
The anxiety disorder that has been my life, my PTSD, has done an effective job wrecking my judgment in varying degrees, for decades. Sometime I could not see the forest for the trees, fully backed into a corner. These periods drug on for months, sometimes spiraling in and drawing me down like a vortex. Breaking out of these patterns isn't easy, and can take tremendous will. Having worn the eye-patch for a while, a glimmer; I feel for the first time in my life my trauma is history. A memory, and not something current. Something right there in my mind/body - running me.
Be strong lilstar, and good job posting these difficult feelings. James B.
