Please Help, Outbursts Panic

[John 73]

Please, can anyone help? I suffer from outbursts and say horrible things, I don't know why.

I was diagnosed with PTSD some years ago when I witnessed a murder at a party. I generally stay away from people and don't really get on with people. I always make excuses not to go places and when I have to I get chest pains and very stressed. I shout and scream, sometimes it's uncontrollable.:(

I recently attended a party and just felt like I was going to burst my chest my heart was pounding that hard. I needed to leave but couldn't as it was girlfriend's party. I kept thinking horrible things seeing stuff that happened years ago at a party. I busted out with horrible things that most of it I can't remember but they were truly awful.

I'm hurting everyone around with my moods and behavior. After I'm away from situation at home or locking my van I feel dreadfully guilty but safe. My doctor just gives me fluoxetine but won't do anything else. Please any help? I will try anything.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

Hi John,

I wouldn't be surprised that the idea of going to a party is triggering for you. Anxiety and panic associated directly with a situation from a trauma memory is what PTSD symptoms attach to. So, I guess the best thing is to learn grounding techniques to reduce the panic feeling and stay present. We need to work to reduce our anxiety first.

When I feel panicked, I ground using all of my senses - sight, touch, sound, smell. Put your hand on the table in front of you, say out load 'it is Wednesday 2012 and this is my table, my table is in my house and I am safe'. Perhaps my grounding tool would help. I carry a stone in a silk bag that has essential oil on it, when I get panicked, I touch the bag and repeat those words, I play with the stone and smell the bag, always repeating the day, month and year, where I am and that I am safe. My hubby has gotten used to the idea that when I am unwell, this is what I will do and it has become a warning system for him to give me a wide birth for a bit.

It is ok to say no to going to a party, we don't have to do everything right now and we can work towards this in T. There must be a lot of emotions that you must feel around the trauma. These need to be worked through with patience and kindness towards yourself. It takes time and we work one day at a time.

Outbursts from panic could be the 'fight' response. We tend to respond to triggers with either flight or fight, and some also freeze. This is a normal PTSD reaction, but we do need to move our reaction from the subconscious reactions to the conscious thinking part of our brains, so that the reaction is appropriate for the situation and the stress we feel is appropriate for the situation.

I just posted to a thread about Social Panic / Anxiety as it is something a couple of us are working on at the moment. So if curious, you can check it out. Be aware that you do need to do individual work on the feelings you have attached to the trauma you experienced to start moving forward, and that should be done with your T. For now, it is important to reduce the anxiety so that you can get the full benefits of T, we do that with medication and grounding.

Be kind and patient with yourself on this journey.

Love, PS xxoo

 

[intothelight]

Hi Jon,

When a person is put into a triggering situation, in your case a party, it is very normal to feel panic. Exposure therapy is one way to reduce symptoms, but diving into a similar situation without have the tools to process and handle it, can make it overwhelming.

This would be a good topic to bring up with a therapist. It is essential that you have the tools to help you cope and PTSD Sufferer gave you some great information. You might also want to start using those in conjunction with smaller doses of the exposure. How do you handle smaller family gatherings? Are you able to attend a party for say five or ten minutes and then work on increasing the amount of time that you stay?

There are a lot of ways to work on dealing with the fear and anxiety. Take your time and find what works best for you. Just keep in mind that it will get better over time as you work on it.

Debbie

 

[PTSD sufferer]

Here is a link to the Social Anxiety thread, if you're interested.

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/social-anxiety-the-worst.26186/#post-387767[/DLMURL]

 

[John 73]

Thank you so so much I will try these and get in to see my therapist again even tho they say there's no courses available, in the area.

I need to change as won't deviate from my routine and if I do I get tense stressed, and can't cope and the more I hide away from it the worse I get.

Does anyone have loud outbursts, and say horrible vile things. I really emotionally hurt my partner with the things I said and the way I acted, it's getting worse, and I can't stand myself. I know how much pain and suffering I caused but at the time I don't care I lose control it's only when I'm home locked in I realise the full extent of damage I have done.

I wouldn't ever want to be around me if I had the choice, and I don't have many friends as it was and the couple there. I'm ashamed of me, my poor girlfriend knows about my panic sort of. She witnessed a couple minor panic attacks, but how can I explain, it's not the real me.

 

[The Albatross]

No Jonh, it's not the real you... buried somewhere beneath the feelings, the triggers, and the thinking is the real you. Welcome and I'm glad you're here.

 

[John 73]

Hi Debbie.

I only really been to two party's since, once was my mum, sister, auntie and niece but at my mums house and that was OK. Another with my girlfriend, and that was okish. I did sit outside all night with clear view of the gate, while 99% of people we inside. But I kept pacing the garden and made sure everything was clear. Managed that one but was outside clear route, knew where I was going and to be honest, was alone most of time.

I managed a church wedding but couldn't stay at reception, I kept going out for a smoke outside and made my excuses and left.

I'm ruinin my partners life, I try but can't do it, I say horrible things and make it so people don't want me around or it forces them away.

 

[The Albatross]

? Someone aptly used the phrase cognitive distortions, the things we tell ourselves to rationalize or make sense of some of the things we think or do. The reality is beneath the thinking... the reaction or deffensive/self protective posture we can sometimes use, is the distortion. I've learned alot about myself here, I hope you do too John.

 

[John 73]

I don't who the real me is.

When I'm home I'm not the same as outside I'm horrible and vile. I don't like bieng out my routine and my pattern, to be honest I hate myself who I am. I try to hide it all the time, people just say I'm very abrupt and say things that shouldn't be said. I think I'm best away from people, better with cars, I can't hurt there feelings and upset them and ruin everything.

 

[The Albatross]

I don't who the real me is...

Relate to that and all the rest above... that just means we have a blank slate and can paint the canvas to be the type of person we want inasmuch as we are able. Freedom of choice John, freedom of choice.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

I did sit outside all night with clear view of the gate, while 99% of people we inside. But I kept pacing the garden and made sure everything was clear.

This is part of PTSD also. It is called hyper-vigilance. We are always on the lookout for danger and we need to shift from the stressful state that is the 'hyper' to the just vigilant state. It takes some practice, but grounding is the tool to try to use. Not all situations present the same danger you experienced in your trauma. Statistically, the chance of experiencing that situation again is, 0%. So, it is ok to check things out so that you feel safe once, but it is not ok to feel the stress that you do and remain in guard dog mode the whole time. Try to ground in these situations, and keep your anxiety down.

Small groups with familiar people seems to be ok for you. So, if you are going to work on social engagements with low anxiety you need to start where you are comfortable, and build your confidence from there a little bit at a time. It won't help to throw yourself into a large party group when you don't have the tools to cope with the anxiety. Treat it like climbing a small hill, you take it slow, breath steady. Stop and have a look at the view every now and then, maybe have a break and rest for a minute or two. Look back at where you have come from, those are your footsteps coming up the hill, and give yourself a pat on the back. Baby steps, one foot at a time.

I don't who the real me is.

Some wise bloke once said that 90% of the negative feelings we feel about ourselves not true. These feelings about ourselves come from 'core beliefs' that have been given to us by our external environment (experiences) and primary relationships (such as family, school, work). We need to understand how we feel, why we feel that way, and what 'hot buttons' or 'trigger's a situation is pressing, so that we can re-frame our thinking, learn to manage the illness and heal.

You are taking responsibility for your illness and you want to get well. This is the first and most important step in healing. Good work! I am very proud of you!

PS xxoo

 

[John 73]

Thankyou all so so much, I feel like people understand what's happening to me.

I know I only have myself to blame for what I have done and the way I react, I been trying for ten years now and constantly taking the brush off by the doctor.

I have another appointment tommorow morning and hoping I can ask for the help I need. I'm going to try to stay calm and ask firmly not to be brushed off,I only have two modes.

1,very soft and ok ok that's fine I don't want to be a burden or a problem.

2, or f*ck you your useless no one understands etc etc

I'm really going to try, wish me luck, I really appreciate all the help and advise.
I wish I would have found this site years ago, I hope to be as helpful as you all have been to me.

On a positive note I got a cuddle off my girlfriend tonight, first time I have seen her since my atrocious behaviour last weekend. It's a small step but one that means a lot to me.

Im only on a phone as laptop broken I have tryed as hard as I can to get my spelling right, my pronunciation and my capitols correct. I apologies if it's still a bit wrong thankyou all so so much, I let you know how it goes tommorow :).

Any tips of what I should be asking for would be greatly appreciated I'm asking for cbt and counciling, is that right ??