Other Police Action / Arrests / Incarceration

[InsideAWord]

After a brief conversation with some individuals on the chat here, I found out that there are a handful of us here whose traumas are tied to arrests, court suits, and incarceration. I figured I would create a thread for it.

 

[friend to most]

Well mine is that completely.

 

[InsideAWord]

Hey everyone. Tomorrow I have my fingerprint and background check and I have been feeling anxious about this for a few months. Anyone who knows the history of my trauma knows that this is a huge trigger for me.

I'm doubly anxious because I originally scheduled it for this morning at 9am, but ever since I took on 2 jobs for the summer, I completely forgot. So, the fact that I forgot about my appointment today and that this is already a tender subject for me has only exacerbated my anxiety.

 

[garden]

My PTSD stems from chilhood abuse/neglect, however, I did have an awful experience with the police about a year ago that has added to my issues, and is the main trigger of my current state of hell.

I have never been in trouble with the law. I have always had positive rapport with officers, and actually enjoyed their presence because it always made me feel safe. As a kid, and even in my early teens, if I saw a police car racing somewhere with sirens blaring I used to cheer inside, hoping they would catch the bad guys. I have several family members who are currently, or have in the past been, Police officers, in fact, my family is kind of patriotic, and several of my cousins (I come from a huge family) who served in the Gulf War, Afghanistan, and Iraq came home and without hesitation joined academies to go directly into law enforcement. These guys have always been protective, and they are genuinely good people who just want to help others. I have taught my daughter that Police officers are our community allies, and that they are here to protect us, and to get the bad guys.

So when they bullied me for POLITELY asking them to repark their cars (which were illegally parked, and blocking 8 residences in a fire hazard manner) so that we could go to the library I was in utter disbelief. I no longer feel safe anywhere. In my own home I know that they could come in and do whatever they want to do and get away with it. I used to think that people who hate the police are hiding something. Now I think they may have had an experience that made them feel that way.

I used to think that police corruption only exists in third world countries. I trusted that internal affairs would see the obvious misconduct and take the appropriate actions... Instead they put her on leave, and told me that she would be investigated when she returned. She was gone for 6 months, after which they sent me a letter saying my allegations are unfounded. At this point I consulted an attorney, which I didn't before because I trusted the process (internal affairs), and the lawyer told me that my statute of limitations was exactly 6 months. But that's how long she was on leave, and they could not investigate until she came back to work...???? So without conducting a proper investigation (My daughter and I were never interviewed by the police), they tell me my allegations are unfounded, and then I find out that I have no other way to address this because my statute of limitations has run out...

I don't know if I would feel safer, or if I would be able to get past this if there was any justice served. A part of me believes that I might be able to feel safer if I felt like they actually wanted to find out what really happened and then hold her accountable for what she did to me, but I can not know for sure. I just know that seeing a uniform or a police car no longer makes me feel safe, instead it's the total opposite...full body panick attack. There is no such thing as safety, it is only an illusion, just like justice.

This has caused a paradaigm shift for me. I see everything in a different light now that I know how things really work.

 

[Ed Norton]

@InsideAWord here's my story
[DLMURL]https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/they-came-without-badges.51906/[/DLMURL]

 

[garden]

@Ed Norton I'm sorry you had to endure that crap. It's hard to swallow, even though I now see it all differently, and I know first hand how easy it is for them to abuse their power, a part of me is still shocked as I read the experiences of others. Yours is particularly horrific, and I can only imagine how it's impacted you. My heart goes out to you.

In retrospect I realize how fortunate I am. The officer came to my window so angry that her face was distorted and her voice was shaky and she was short of breath. So she was holding a ton of anger. She was verbally abusing me on purpose because she wanted to get me into an argument so that she could in fact arrest me. I am sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was trying to instigate, but I was calmly trying to reason with her instead. My husband, who grew up around police culture (his moms a cop) also strongly believes that she was trying to escalate the situation so that she could take another course of action, but my calm demeanor (calm on the outside) was my saving grace.

I am trying to work on this one too right now. I went on a short road trip over the weekend with my family and saw many a police car out on the road, but my family was with me, and I had a good self talk going...

 

[Ed Norton]

@Lewa Thank you for your empathy, your words mean a lot to me I really need a lot of support right now. I wrote my trauma story as part of my exposure therapy homework and it was particularly difficult.

Best Regards,
NT aka "Ed"

 

[garden]

@Ed Norton knowing that you are not the only one helps, so thanks for sharing your story with me, you've made me feel supported...

It's brave as heck of you to write that all down in such detail. I wrote mine down shortly after it happened because I was afraid that I would forget important details. I hope that you continue to write and share as it's beneficial for you as well as others here on the forum. Just take your time, and be kind to yourself, if it's too much back away and come back to it as you are able. You survived that ordeal, so you are stronger than you might think.

Thanks again.

 

[once normal]

Court and Police have caused devastating changes for me. I've lived with PTSD for nearly 50 years, but when a child molester (convicted) moved in next door and started harassing me because he didn't like dogs, I fell down into the bottom of the well. Back in November, it got worse. I was simply at a psychiatrists office to renew meds. Fine before going into the office, I not only had a full blown panic attack, (Shaking, can't breathe, crying, dissociation), but then a flashback with full body sensation hit. The psychiatrist called a 5150 on me, 3 day suicidal hold. The problem was -- I was NOT suicidal -- I was upset that he took me off the Ativan which works very well to settle down panic attacks and put me back on an SSRI which would kill me. (They tried this once before, I almost didn't make it through the night). You have no idea of terrifying it is to be faced with a police officer with the threat of being locked away. Fortunately, he saw the problem, admonished the psychiatrist and I was released, but the damage was done. With all the other symptoms, I now suffered from agoraphobia. For the next three weeks, I could not even leave the house without a full blown panic attack hitting. Worse still, I received no help from the mental health center, they would not do any phone therapy to help me through this new problem. To this day, I cannot go anywhere I have not been before, even a new store, without a panic attack preventing me from leaving the car. Even going regular places, my body goes in high alert. Until recently, I only took meds when a panic attack hit. I now have no choice but to tranquilize before attempting to leave the house. I have also become a criminal. I have had to order my medicine on-line without a prescription since the psychiatrist refused to fill it out. Going to another doctor is now completely out of the question. I cannot endure another panic attack of this intensity let alone live through another flashback.

As far as court goes, that has been worse than any nightmare I have ever had. In March, with the support of the therapy group, I filed for restraining orders against my harassers (child molester and his parents). While I received temporary restraining orders, a new judge presided over the hearing, never allowed me to speak, refused to look at any evidence, admonished me (remember, I had not been allowed to say a word or present my case) and dismissed the cases. As a result, the harassment got worse. I did file a formal complaint against the judge, but nothing was ever done.

I had another major attack while in the therapist office and they wanted me to go directly to the crisis center who would refuse help because my blood pressure was too high (as always happens with a panic attack) until I went to the hospital first. I went home. That night, the police were at my door. The crisis center was worried about me and couldn't reach me by phone (I have to take it off the hook at sunset to prevent the harassing calls) so sent an officer out. Again, not really a good thing to do to a PTSD sufferer, but once the initial shock wore off, I found it comforting to have the policeman there. He was already aware of all the problems I was having and at least I could find some relief when he talked about the "nightmare" judge, women always lose when they get this judge -- everyone hates him, but no one can stop him.

By August, the situation had become intolerable. So, I went into substantial debt and hired a law firm to try again. They finally got around to filing papers in November and another temporary restraining order was granted. Due to the PTSD (panic attacks now send blood pressure into stroke range), we were trying to get a telephone testimony approved, but it was denied. I stayed in my car monitoring blood pressure (now reaching 199/124 with both BP meds and tranq)
trying to stay as calm as possible. A recess was called and the attorney came out to check to see how I was doing. During that time, they decided to hear the case. When the couldn't find the attorney, the case was tabled, requiring us to re-schedule the hearing. We went to the clerk to reschedule to find out that the cases were now dismissed because parties not present. The clerk apologized for the error, but could do nothing more than schedule an ex-parte hearing for the judge to reverse the order. Although they took the case for a flat fee, the attorneys wanted another 50% more to continue on with the case.

I paid the money, yet nothing was done in January or February. The lawyers have blown me off, won't answer emails and won't take my calls. I have only one option left -- back to court myself to try to sue to get at least some of the thousands of dollars I gave them (on credit card) plus another round of filing formal complaints. The one thing I have had to accept is that despite the illegal activity of the neighbors (my dogs are SERVICE animals being prevented from doing jobs), I cannot have the protection of a restraining order.

You may be wondering why I stay here. Back in 2008 before they started causing trouble, I put the house up for sale. In California, we are required to disclose child molesters and every real estate agent refused to take on the job -- all saying the same thing -- no one will buy a house next to a child molester. I need the sale of the house to get out of here. I haven't worked in over a year now (and I miss it terribly) and living on credit cards. I hired a lawyer last year and applied for disability and have just been advised that it will be another 10 to 12 months before the hearing can proceed -- another court case I have to deal with.

I absolutely understand the feeling of not being safe. With the harassment (which has subsided, at least temporarily) I don't feel safe in my house. I don't feel safe when I am outside. I don't feel safe near people. I recently lost a friend of 18 years who walked away without a word. Sadly, I am not upset about her loss, I feel more relieved -- one less person in my life.

 

[garden]

What an ordeal @once normal. I can't even imagine what it would be like to know you have a convicted child molester living next door. Thinking about it even has my heart rate elevated. I can only say that I hope things get better, and that I pray you can gain some comfort from being here with us on the forum.

 

[once normal]

Thanks for your kind words. It is sickening just to see his car drive up the road - knowing what he did to that little girl. Honestly, what is worse is when I was young and going through that, I found a way to stop it all by myself. Now, here I am, 50 years later and the damage this child molester has done by trying to take my family away is actually far worse than what I went through as a kid. Yes, I do find this forum very comforting.

 

[Adrian2016]

I have been beaten and tased brutually by police several times. Also anyone who has mental illness knows that incarceration is hell for us especially.