Polyamory drama

[Mee]

Are there other mens groups or Victim support groups locally? Having some support might be really good to bolster you.

she is allowed to end the relationship but not to set terms under which you then live. Her saying the romance is over for her means she also has to relinquish choice over how you react to that other than making co parenting terms.
Her failing to see that is an example of control.
given that the relationship ( which has not been serving you well) is deemed over by her -you can now make a list of your options . Whether she wants to or not - if YOU want to there can be a divorce. what do you think serves you and your children best going forward?

 

[Friday]

I've been down that road with the local domestic violence help centers. No shelters for men. Probably just going to stay and lose my mind, forgive the melodrama.

I didn’t have access to local DV resources, either.

My situation qualified my son & myself for the highest level of assistance available; protective housing, new names, & relocation... (multiple and ongoing attempts on my life, active abuse of child Requiring hospitalization, cut off from all resources / my husband moved all our money off shore)... rather than “just” short term housing, and assistance with the courts, and getting back on your feet (which still would have been phenom assistance). But to get in the door you had to be afraid of your partner. I wasn’t afraid. So I didn’t qualify. Nor do most men, because the intake rules were written for the majority of female victims; fear for your life, rather than threat to your life.

I hear tell that CPS (child protective services) was so furious about us being denied DV resources that they’re (DV Resources) actually rewriting (or have rewritten) intake standards to be more inclusive of men and women who don’t fit the stereotype. Because we were far from the only people to be angry, and seeking help; rather than scared, and needing to be talked into help. But I don’t know. Because I’ve never had a thing to do with them, aside from being turned away. It’s just what I’ve heard.

So, from first hand experience? It can be done. Without assistance.

If your wife isn’t the sort to be actively blocking you from employment, abusing your baby, and periodically trying to kill you? Can probably be done with a lot less drama. Might even be able to be done with 2 Coparents who remain friends, and are both helping raise a child they love, in a stable environment full of mutual respect and affection, just in seperate homes with seperate lives.

 

[Ronin]

Eventually, thinking of Decrease the Drama angle... on what terms are you with the new chick?

Since figure your wife minds her opinion on things, at least temporarily, sadly seems lot more than yours, but the woman seems to have a caring bone about kids in her body.

So wondering if she can't be useful as a mediator / neutral zone / ceasefire presence / cover to deflect attacks by & redirect to, while you are scheduling how to move with your life?

Since yeah, assumption is it adds the drama. So far has. But pivot points of that grade are useful. Can be used to deescalate too.

 

[abbynormal1929]

So, here's what's happening now. My wife felt bad, and wanted to try and nudge me to find someone. I had made a profile on plenty of fish a while ago. She looked through my "about me" section. I forgot I had said in the section that I had one child, meaning my son, and not mentioning my stepdaughter. She got mad, and I changed it. The next day she made a big deal about my not having to take a parental role with my stepdaughter, and more of a general family role. I kind of said that sounded good, though I used may more words. My wife's girlfriend doesn't understand how I can be in a parental role for song long and just stop. The thing is I was never really in a parental role. I was never consulted on decisions, I would try to set limits and she would just take them back. So now I have a wife that is considering me more like general family, and has a girlfriend who gets most of her attention despite being half way across the world, a stepdaughter who is more like general family than a child. I'm lonely, and miserable, and if that wasn't bad enough, my wife's girlfriend has my parenting skills under a microscope. I feel like I'm losing it, or unraveling or something like that. I have a new therapist im starting to see on Wednesday who has a lot more experience in LGBT issues. I have high hopes.

 

[Ronin]

You did nothing wrong in anything you did or said or said in that profile.

They (wife & girl) are both wrong, your parenting (even to the kiddo girl) is awesome, even more awesome you care *at all* under these conditions, and you aren't abandoning nor abusing anyone.

Honestly if you just took your son & went, without a backwards glance much less a word of goodbye, both wouldn't blame you... and it would *still* be the right thing to do.