Polyamory drama

[Mytime]

I'm going to Florida for a week in January to visit a friend,

Did you take this trip to see your friend?

 

[abbynormal1929]

Yeah I went. Parts of it were relaxing. It's kinda complicated. My friend just went through a major health scare. He could have died. That aside he's always somewhat of a self-centered trust fund kid. He's also always had health issues. I ended up missing my son more than anything else, and providing way more emotional support than I recieved. Kind of a long story with this particular friend. The 30 train ride each way was pretty rejuvenating though. It was quiet, I got to read, write, and listen to a lot of music.

 

[Ronin]

Glad you had some good time Abby, even in the middle of complications, and that the friend is alright. :)

 

[abbynormal1929]

Little update on the situation. Now my wife wants to be friends and family, but not romantic or sexually involved. Says it would take some pressure off. I don't know why I'm going along, or pretending that I'm not hurt. She even said she didn't know how she would feel in the future, and might want to be with me again, making me feel like I can't even fully move on. I have permission to tell people I may want to date to say that we're separated but still living together. She doesn't want a divorce, or to live apart. She still wants to be family. I can't help but think its because she doesn't want a complicated situation with our son. I can recognize what this is doing to me. I'm slowly starting to drink more often. I've had a few cigarattes at work recently, which I haven't in years. I'm having more depressive symptoms. In the upside I'm going to have health insurance again within a couple days, and I'm getting a therapist that's more experienced in LGBT counseling. We'll see how that goes.

 

[NatBird]

Little update on the situation. Now my wife wants to be friends and family, but not romantic or sexually involved. Says it would take some pressure off. I don't know why I'm going along, or pretending that I'm not hurt. She even said she didn't know how she would feel in the future, and might want to be with me again, making me feel like I can't even fully move on. I have permission to tell people I may want to date to say that we're separated but still living together. She doesn't want a divorce, or to live apart. She still wants to be family. I can't help but think its because she doesn't want a complicated situation with our son. I can recognize what this is doing to me. I'm slowly starting to drink more often. I've had a few cigarattes at work recently, which I haven't in years. I'm having more depressive symptoms. In the upside I'm going to have health insurance again within a couple days, and I'm getting a therapist that's more experienced in LGBT counseling. We'll see how that goes.

@abbynormal1929 hey glad you will get some support around this. I sense you may have posted this is the wrong thread? Or is the new thing you're finding it hard to stick with the new arrangement?

 

[joeylittle]

I sense you may have posted this is the wrong thread?

Fixed that :tup:

 

[somerandomguy]

@abbynormal1929 - and this is yet another of her methods of keeping you uneasy and unsettled. Today she "just wants to be friends." Tomorrow she'll want something different. In a week she'll want yet something new.

And none of the things she wants will be for your benefit, only hers.

Have you talked to the shelter folks lately?

 

[abbynormal1929]

I've been down that road with the local domestic violence help centers. No shelters for men. Probably just going to stay and lose my mind, forgive the melodrama. I still can't make myself even say anything that I think will cause her pain, no matter how much I want to. I'm left thinking I should try and date again, while in the back of my mind believing no one will love me again (not romantically anyway).

 

[Ronin]

Nah... lost your mind enough. You waited long enough. Nothing got better. And to no fault of yours.

So in absence of shelters... any other type of guy supportive groups in the area that would be helpful?

I talked shitton to local fire dept, stuck in DV & fresh out. Just to have someone RL to run the fresh bullshit past for a normal world check. I didn't go in depth at all... but it helped to have someone fair & trustworthy.

Who could tell me, dude, that's weird. And that one is shady.
And the other one you *should* bitch about, the hell they think they're saying to you?

Didn't matter I didn't get it. Defended people hurting me fiercely. Mattered they were there. So was warm soup & blankets. And 'yeah, you're not going anywhere in this shape. Stay two hours and if you look less pale, we'll talk about it.' Stuff.

So any people you trust, my giant overshares aside? ;)

You are lovable.
Love worthy.
Will be loved again.
So easily, too, there is so much good in you. ;)

All the whispers telling you're good for nothing loser lie.

 

[EveHarrington]

I still can't make myself even say anything that I think will cause her pain, no matter how much I want to.

The truth is that relationships of ANY kind involve pain at some point. It’s just a fact of life. Walking on eggshells isn’t doing anyone any good. The only way to hurt nobody is to form no relationships, wait until our grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc are all dead, and then go live in the middle of nowhere as a self sufficient hermit that has zero contact with any other human. No pets allowed cuz if you die, that will hurt them. Do you get what I’m saying?

I think assertiveness training would help you.

 

[Ronin]

The truth is that relationships of ANY kind involve pain at some point.

I think assertiveness training would help you.

Because victim blaming is so helpful, Eve.

Like saying an abuse vic, who has several kids dependent on them, is not assertive enough.

I get you are happy hurting people wherever you go, but some people actually care for others, even if misplacedly.

 

[Sideways]

Maybe "We're just 2 adults co-habiting" might be helpful headspace for you to shift into...?

I'm fine with people who want to consensually be in multi-person relationships. But this doesn't sound like it's been a healthy relationship for a long time, and 'polyamory' does increasingly seem like nothing more than an excuse to treat you disrespectfully...