(Warning: This post may be slightly "politically incorrect" due to discussion of people with mental disabilities; I will try my best to be respectful, but I do apologize in advance for any faux pas on my part. Part of me trying to recover from whatever is going on in my brain is having to come to terms with the "politically incorrect" feelings that I've ended up repressing from my childhood, so it might come out here and there.)
I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for many years now, but it was only last month that I was introduced to the idea that I might have acquired C-PTSD/PTSD with dissociative elements from childhood emotional neglect. While everything I've read on the topic explains a lot about why my life has been a mess for a long time and why I act/feel the way I do on certain things, I still wonder if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, because compared to other life stories I've read both here and elsewhere, the situation that's responsible for my PTSD (if that is what I have) is quite benign in comparison. Now, I know that you're not supposed to compare traumas, and that minimization of trauma is part of a slew of coping mechanisms for those with PTSD, but bear with me for a little bit while I attempt to explain myself.
I am 26 years old and the oldest of three children -- and the only neurotypical one. My brother (23) has some sort of learning disability that affects the way he processes language and how he speaks, while my sister (21) has Down syndrome and requires constant supervision and caretaking. While my parents are generally nice individuals and do care about me, my sister in particular takes up a lot of their attention and affection. I have grown up with the sense (both externally- and self-imposed) that I have to be the "non-problem" child, to require only material needs and to be emotionally/mentally self-sufficient. I am the "third parent" to my sister, having to get her ready for school on the days when neither of my parents are around to do so because of work along with just looking after her in general when my parents can't because my brother doesn't like her, and I have grown up with the expectation that I will have to take over as caretaker for her (and possibly my brother) when my parents are dead: a job I never wanted (and still don't want) but "accepted" out of an obligation to be that "good daughter" to my parents. I excelled in school and extracurriculars, but due to this constant pressure things were falling apart inside even while in high school, where I had at least two minor emotional breakdowns during my senior year. Halfway through college, at the beginning of my junior year, I had a bigger breakdown that resulted in me needing to take the rest of the year off.
While I am better now than I was back then, I still struggle with constant feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness, which are hardly helpful companions for a job search. Additionally, since I have to live at home and I don't have my own vehicle to get around, my family is constantly triggering me, particularly my mother and sister -- and also my aunt and her family, whom we end up seeing on a regular basis because they're the only immediate blood relatives who live in my area. My cousin (25) also has learning disabilities of some sort, along with ADHD and also possibly autistic in some way (it's never officially been described to me); my uncle has undiagnosed/untreated OCD and probably also depression; and my aunt...does not exactly have the gentlest touch when it comes to dealing with either of them. My parents are at least much more tolerable in comparison, but my father has always been emotionally distant, while my mother can be condescendingly overbearing and as a result refuses to see my point-of-view on the rare occasions that I've tried to explain to her about things that are important to me in some way. Notably -- and this goes back to what I mentioned in my warning above -- they didn't/don't seem to understand that growing up with disabled siblings is a lot different than having "typical" siblings. And honestly I don't really blame them, because I didn't know that there was a significant difference until recently (which is about the same time that I realized I might actually have some form of PTSD). But the fact remains is that I have been growing up in a less-than-ideal family situation and have had very little support for the core of my problems, and it's affected me a lot more than I ever realized.
The reason I bring up my story here is because I have only seen two cases similar to mine, where a C-PTSD/PTSD-DS diagnosis was given/applied to a person as a result of childhood emotional neglect due to the presence of a sibling with "special needs." There is actually quite the body of evidence out there showing that "normal siblings" like myself develop common coping mechanisms and thought patterns, but I don't usually see a PTSD diagnosis applied to descriptions of such. Additionally, in the two cases I've found, the disabled siblings had violent tendencies either towards themselves or to others, which is not the case for me.
So basically I'm just here to see if there's anyone else like me on this forum. Trauma is trauma is trauma, but just as a combat veteran might feel more comfortable and less alone discussing their PTSD-related experiences with another vet, I'd like to connect with other "normal siblings" on this issue because of that added level of "getting it". I've tried my best to explain where I'm coming from (and I'll be happy to clarify for people who are confused, since there's a lot of threads here that I've only begun to untangle for myself), but I understand that maybe this seems like it's too mild a situation to mess me up to the degree that I would develop some sort of trauma/attachment disorder.
P.S. I feel like I should also clarify (in case I've failed at communication) that I'm not blaming my (possible) PTSD on my disabled siblings (even if the little girl in my brain is throwing tantrums about them), but instead on the lack of support I had from either within my family or outside it for the position I was/am in. My friends are great for distraction and venting, but only one of them is in a similar situation to mine, and I don't talk to him anymore for certain reasons.
P.S.S. I am hoping I can see my old therapist somewhat soon to discuss my issues with her. She is not a trauma specialist, but I figured that since I generally liked her, I might as well start with her and see what it was like working with her now that I have a better idea of what's going on with me. I started seeing her after my breakdown in college, but I think I only lasted three months with her, partly because I thought I was getting better (ha!) and partly because my mother had been complaining about me talking to a complete stranger about my problems instead of her, and it made me feel guilty.
P.S.S.S. JFC sorry for this wall o' text!!!!
I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for many years now, but it was only last month that I was introduced to the idea that I might have acquired C-PTSD/PTSD with dissociative elements from childhood emotional neglect. While everything I've read on the topic explains a lot about why my life has been a mess for a long time and why I act/feel the way I do on certain things, I still wonder if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, because compared to other life stories I've read both here and elsewhere, the situation that's responsible for my PTSD (if that is what I have) is quite benign in comparison. Now, I know that you're not supposed to compare traumas, and that minimization of trauma is part of a slew of coping mechanisms for those with PTSD, but bear with me for a little bit while I attempt to explain myself.
I am 26 years old and the oldest of three children -- and the only neurotypical one. My brother (23) has some sort of learning disability that affects the way he processes language and how he speaks, while my sister (21) has Down syndrome and requires constant supervision and caretaking. While my parents are generally nice individuals and do care about me, my sister in particular takes up a lot of their attention and affection. I have grown up with the sense (both externally- and self-imposed) that I have to be the "non-problem" child, to require only material needs and to be emotionally/mentally self-sufficient. I am the "third parent" to my sister, having to get her ready for school on the days when neither of my parents are around to do so because of work along with just looking after her in general when my parents can't because my brother doesn't like her, and I have grown up with the expectation that I will have to take over as caretaker for her (and possibly my brother) when my parents are dead: a job I never wanted (and still don't want) but "accepted" out of an obligation to be that "good daughter" to my parents. I excelled in school and extracurriculars, but due to this constant pressure things were falling apart inside even while in high school, where I had at least two minor emotional breakdowns during my senior year. Halfway through college, at the beginning of my junior year, I had a bigger breakdown that resulted in me needing to take the rest of the year off.
While I am better now than I was back then, I still struggle with constant feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness, which are hardly helpful companions for a job search. Additionally, since I have to live at home and I don't have my own vehicle to get around, my family is constantly triggering me, particularly my mother and sister -- and also my aunt and her family, whom we end up seeing on a regular basis because they're the only immediate blood relatives who live in my area. My cousin (25) also has learning disabilities of some sort, along with ADHD and also possibly autistic in some way (it's never officially been described to me); my uncle has undiagnosed/untreated OCD and probably also depression; and my aunt...does not exactly have the gentlest touch when it comes to dealing with either of them. My parents are at least much more tolerable in comparison, but my father has always been emotionally distant, while my mother can be condescendingly overbearing and as a result refuses to see my point-of-view on the rare occasions that I've tried to explain to her about things that are important to me in some way. Notably -- and this goes back to what I mentioned in my warning above -- they didn't/don't seem to understand that growing up with disabled siblings is a lot different than having "typical" siblings. And honestly I don't really blame them, because I didn't know that there was a significant difference until recently (which is about the same time that I realized I might actually have some form of PTSD). But the fact remains is that I have been growing up in a less-than-ideal family situation and have had very little support for the core of my problems, and it's affected me a lot more than I ever realized.
The reason I bring up my story here is because I have only seen two cases similar to mine, where a C-PTSD/PTSD-DS diagnosis was given/applied to a person as a result of childhood emotional neglect due to the presence of a sibling with "special needs." There is actually quite the body of evidence out there showing that "normal siblings" like myself develop common coping mechanisms and thought patterns, but I don't usually see a PTSD diagnosis applied to descriptions of such. Additionally, in the two cases I've found, the disabled siblings had violent tendencies either towards themselves or to others, which is not the case for me.
So basically I'm just here to see if there's anyone else like me on this forum. Trauma is trauma is trauma, but just as a combat veteran might feel more comfortable and less alone discussing their PTSD-related experiences with another vet, I'd like to connect with other "normal siblings" on this issue because of that added level of "getting it". I've tried my best to explain where I'm coming from (and I'll be happy to clarify for people who are confused, since there's a lot of threads here that I've only begun to untangle for myself), but I understand that maybe this seems like it's too mild a situation to mess me up to the degree that I would develop some sort of trauma/attachment disorder.
P.S. I feel like I should also clarify (in case I've failed at communication) that I'm not blaming my (possible) PTSD on my disabled siblings (even if the little girl in my brain is throwing tantrums about them), but instead on the lack of support I had from either within my family or outside it for the position I was/am in. My friends are great for distraction and venting, but only one of them is in a similar situation to mine, and I don't talk to him anymore for certain reasons.
P.S.S. I am hoping I can see my old therapist somewhat soon to discuss my issues with her. She is not a trauma specialist, but I figured that since I generally liked her, I might as well start with her and see what it was like working with her now that I have a better idea of what's going on with me. I started seeing her after my breakdown in college, but I think I only lasted three months with her, partly because I thought I was getting better (ha!) and partly because my mother had been complaining about me talking to a complete stranger about my problems instead of her, and it made me feel guilty.
P.S.S.S. JFC sorry for this wall o' text!!!!
