Pregnancy Exacerbating Ptsd

[unfreezing]

Hi all- I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant and engaged to the least emotionally supportive male on the planet. I have had ptsd for 4 years from a very verbally, emotionally, and at times sexually abusive relationship with a previous partner. I was open with my new partner about it but he has never understood. When I get triggered he just gets mad at me.

This pregnancy was unplanned but my fiancé was thrilled. Now I'm really struggling with depression, feelings of abandonment, short temper, and crying. Tonight he got mad at me for wanting him to stay home with me instead of seeing his family. I barely see him as it is due to our work schedules. Just a couple hours a week, usually with many distractions.

He told me I was ruining all his enjoyment of the relationship and was going to ruin the upcoming holidays because he's spending it with my family and not his. He said it was like having his father alive again controlling his life... He hated his dad. He says he doesn't have to live like this or with me.

He doesn't have the first clue about ptsd or how to be supportive. Nor does he want to. I think he's going to leave me pregnant and alone I'm really struggling inside- I'm scared of him walking out on us which is just increasing my ptsd. When he blows me off to do his own thing I feel more abandoned.

Any advice out there? I am at my wits end.

 

[Casey_03]

I think you should keep in mind that this behavior is pretty normal even regardless of PTSD -- couples do experience friction in the relationship when a baby is on the way. A lot of men get distant and behave the same way your fiance is - that doesn't mean he's going to leave you. Also, his behavior doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't understand PTSD or want to be supportive; it seems just as likely that he simply doesn't know how to handle the situation so is trying to distance himself from it as much as possible. It's crappy, but there's not much you can do about it. The only thing you can do is try to widen your support network to include other people who may be more reliable. Try to rely on them more and less on your fiance, and then he will have the space he apparently needs and you will have less anxiety (hopefully)

 

[unfreezing]

Thanks Casey, for your advice. I'll grin and bear it for now.