Problems With Therapy

[sonickel77]

Feelings of hate towards T boil forth!

Saw him today. I could see him doing the counselling technique on me. I tried asking him a few questions about psych etc, why he took it up, wouldn't answer (said it would take too long, but I think it's part of the blank slate philosophy).

Admitted to him I was jealous of him for doing well and I wasn't. Not really enough time to explore this in session, but I was demolishing a plastic cup in my hands as I was speaking. And he noticed, said "take it out on the cup", etc. I reassured him that I didn't hate him or anything. But was F*ing Furious after the session!

AAAGGGGGGHHHH!

Now listening to angry punk and feeling angry and unsettled and exposed in a nasty way.

:stupid:

Why am I so evil?

 

[dust]

Sonickel,

best to get the anger out - and therapy is a safe place to do it in. From what I understand there are different types of anger - anger that is situational ( eg. a direct response to a verbal attack etc.) and anger that is acted out and is driven by an unconscious motivation.

I think it is good that you have started the discussion. It may take time to work through, but I hope the process will offer you some insight and relief.

Betweenwhile, I related to teejaye's post. I am really good at masking my emotions when I am at work. If you didn't know me, you would think I had a perfect childhood and am living my dream... I don't let anything on.

dust

 

[sonickel77]

Therapist as Tormentor?

Hello everyone

Things are getting worse for me on the therapy front. I have a habit of not showing up for sessions, for a myriad of reasons - no car park, forgetfulness, feeling "off", not wanting to talk. After a few rather intense sessions of late, where I have confessed to feeling jealous of T for being better off than me, I am feeling worse.

Monday and Tuesday, I just felt tired and achy. But yesterday, I developed a full blown migraine - the sort that responds to nothing but morphine, couldn't deal with light, vomiting, etc. I fear that this is a psychosomatic symptom of my therapy aversion and that it will repeat itself.

Usually T rings me if I miss an appointment to see how things are. This time he didn't. I am reading this as evidence that he is upset by my detachment and jealousy, and doesn't care about me anyway.

I am starting to see him as an upper middle class person with no life experience of trauma, who is interested in it as a research topic only, and who uses his patients as raw material. Worse yet, he reminds me of a man I fell madly in love with as a teenager, who rejected me for a glamorous, slender, more "together" woman, and eventually married her. T is about the same age as this other man, and is also married.

Being sick to this level is threatening my studies and new job, as well, and am having a hard time dealing with these intense feelings and physical illnesses.

Don't know what to do!

 

[teejaye]

Sonickel,

I'm disappointed in your therapist for not telling you why he got into the field. Hmm. That's weird. I'm a counselor and I tell the story (shortened version so as not to take up too much of my client's time) and also I am very forthright with my theory of approach. I give an overview, and I'm so tickled if my client says, "Oh, you're reframing aren't you?" We laugh about it when my tricks are obvious!

I'm person-centered using the developmental helping model, which is about the opposite of psychoanalysis or blank slate theories. But really every therapist is obligated to tell you his or her approach. To refuse is like the waiter refusing to tell you what's in the soup. What if you're allergic to an ingredient?

Dust, have you always been able to hide what's going on inside yourself? I am very good at it until someone has been around me for about a year or longer. Then my "tells" start to give me away ;-)

 

[cragger65]

There may be a real connection in his resembling a former boyfriend. If you are still carrying anger toward the old b/f, this would make your T a potential visual trigger. This has the potential of bringing issues to the foreground to be worked on, and it also carries the potential to overwhelm. It really depends how much you're ready for right now.

If it's going to impact your livelihood, maybe it's best to put him on hold, or seek an alternative T for support, at least until you feel you have a better grasp of the underlying issues. It's really up to you and how you feel.

Dave

PS. I also find it odd he would not discuss his philosophy of approach. That in itself would piss me right off, as well as make me immediately suspicious of him. I don't care for the "blank slate" crap, that's not working with you, that's expecting you to figure it out on your own without guidance. And if that were possible, what the hell would we need them for?

Just my 2 cents.

 

[sonickel77]

He said his approach was psychodynamic psychotherapy, but wouldn't get into why he became a shrink, as it was too complex.

Really, I don't know anything about him, apart from what I can gather by his appearance, demeanour, as well as a couple of things on Google.

Have emailed him today, explaining the migraine, resemblance to a previous love object (who rejected me) etc., as well as expressed doubts as to the suitability of therapy due to these factors. No answer yet.

Where's a crying smilie when you need one?

 

[Monarch]

maybe you are pushing him away because you are scared?

 

[sonickel77]

Still no reply to email, it is now Monday pm.
I got plastered last night on 5 std drinks and 3 0.5 Xanax.
Not enough to die, but enough for oblivion for a short while.
Don't feel safe going in to see him on Wed afternoon.
Bad feelings have been unearthed in therapy and I have no support to deal with them.

:eek:

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

If you feel you may hurt yourself I suggest you go to the ER or call a hotline and get at least a temporary doctor immediately. If your just trying to self medicate to numb yourself then please get to work at finding another doctor as fast as you can.

In the mean time put the words: "I'm Suing You" in the subject line, and cc: to the manager/owner of where you go to therapy at. Then ask him why he has not responded to your e-mail.

I can bet you those cuff links you will hear from him.

Take care
Tammy

 

[Nicolette]

Sonickel77 I have changed the title of this thread as it is no longer just about being jealous of your therapist.

I have moved your 2 subsequent posts, after Tammy's, to your own diary as they are moving past the point of a general discussion. Please note that posting when suicidal is not permitted and some posts are boardering on being concerning. We need the forum to be safe for all members and don't want to be triggering people due to your current state.

Please go and get help....it sounds like you really need it. Mixing alcohol and medication is not good and I am concerned as to your state of mind based on your posts. I wish I could offer something constructive however I don't have PTSD so I don't totally understand what you are going through however I wish I could help you.