Processing Trauma

[Notsowild]

I'm a little confused ( nothing new nowadays). I was just wondering do I have to process my childhood trauma in order to recover? The sessions when we talked about my CSA I got so triggered and was dissociative for days. So now I tell my T I don't want to talk about my past. So is therapy just a waste of my time and money? Thoughts?

 

[TonyG]

It is not a easy process but you have to dig deep into your memory and it brings it all back, I was numb for weeks after I was able to discuss the full horror of my trauma, It's only my sixth theraphy session this week and it's not getting easyer, anxiety was my biggest issue through it all and medication has helped to keep that under control but I still have it. So the answer is if you want to start dealing with the issues that tare you up inside the go to therapy and tell it as it is.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Is your therapist not giving you skills to manage your dissociation?

Another thought.... Talking in the first person triggered me to no end and caused me to relive my trauma. [I was 100% in 'emotional mind'.] I processed my trauma by enlarge using a technique where I viewed everything through the lens of a camera from a safe distance and talked about the experience in the third person. This enabled me to move out of 'emotional mind' and into 'wise mind'. I don't think you can truly process your trauma when your emotions are running the show and you are stuck in emotional mind. (Conversely, you can't truly process when you're stuck in rational mind, either, as you feel nothing.)

 

[whserenitynluv]

I had to do a whole other set of therapy for that a long time ago. Although it helped and I can talk openly without panic, the triggers are the thing now. Abandonment and bonding the two biggest issues along with identifying new emotions.

 

[digger]

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/how-much-do-i-have-to-process-to-heal.46901/
Unless a lot has changed since you asked in the thread above, then I think my answer would be the same. If the lid is off this stuff, then I think it's going to be hard to put back on again without working on it in therapy.
I guess the question is do you feel like you can live with it, recover, without processing it?

The sessions when we talked about my CSA I got so triggered and was dissociative for days

I'd say maybe what you need to work on first are some more coping skills for when you do come to deal with it (if that's what you choose to do). Have you explained to your T that this is why you are reluctant to talk about it? Does she know about how it effects you in the days after?

Have you asked your T this question? About whether she thinks it is necessary for healing to go over your childhood trauma. I'm guessing she thinks it probably is, but I'm wondering if you've had the conversation with her about why she thinks it's important?

 

[Friday]

The first time I dealt with stuff... I did it piece by piece. And it took me about 5 years. I wasn't in therapy. I didn't know this was PTSD-stuff. And it wasn't continuous. Something bothered me, and I fussed with it (read : exposure therapy & bad coping mechanisms) until it went away.

By not continuous I mean that I had a lot of varied traumas & triggers/stressors. So I dealt with each as it bugged me. How long that took, and whether I eased into it, or did it fast and dirty, varied quite a bit. As did how much time in between, whether I was working on more than one at a time, etc. I was winging it, just because I'd found out on accident that it worked, not being guided. I had never heard of exposure therapy or trauma processing techniques of any kind until coming here.

((Note: None of these are "cured". They're 92-99% gone, or adapted to, most of the time. Any can crop up rather unexpectedly, or when I'm going through a rough patch they can arrive en masse. But, to me, that's sorted. I'm more than happy with 92% of the time!))

Ex) It took me about 2 years to get over the crowds thing. I spent a lot of time on rooftops / scaffolding / edges of crowds, etc. working my way in, and then once I could be in crowds, spent some more time learning how to blend in them. Whole process roughly 2 years. In part because I wasn't super motivated. But it still vexed me enough to make a steady stubborn stab at it. I hate sticking out and having limited movements. So I kept at it.

Ex) Oral sex took a few weeks or a couple months. Not long. I've written about it elsewhere. I was both a heckuva lot more motivated with this one, as well as the trauma wasn't as severely ingrained as the crowds thing.

Ex) Bangs right by my head was a fast & dirty one. Long weekend with a dear friend. I needed to work around explosions, and I couldn't if it was by my head. Totally went berserk. Danger to myself and everyone around me. So he was kind enough to trigger (and tackle) me over and over and over, day and night for several days, until I had a bit of a handle on it. Honestly, I'd have stopped after the first one, if it had just been me. Transferred all my fear and anger on him for the next several. Then got my stubborn up, and we sorted it out.

... 10/15 years later? I'm back. And dealing with individual things isn't working. :rolleyes: Of course not. Murphy's bleeding Law. My head is stuck in the past. Hit by a (metaphoric) freight train a few years ago. Took me about a year to realize this was something I couldn't handle on my own. Took me about another year in therapy to realize it was the "old" PTSD, and another 6mo to realize I need trauma therapy, not standard therapy. Pfui. Again with Murphy. I've only been dealing with root causes for a few months / still trying to find a trauma therapist. :P No idea what the timeline for root causes -for me- will look like.

 

[Intrepid]

There were times in therapy that my past came up whether I wanted it to or not. It just spilled right out. There were things that I didn't want to talk about, and didn't. There were things that talking about would make no difference. Therapy is complicated. I doubt you are wasting your money, if you are getting other things from it than just "the past". You probably have had a lot of current things that "the past" has affected. They need working on too.

 

[Abrasky]

Yes it is worth it. I was agoraphobic and unable to work for 12 years after I got PTSD. Processing for 12 years enabled me to return to work and that has been awesome!. I have supported my family and am saving for a home.

 

[arfie]

My choices were to process or continue justifying irrational responses while living with flashbacks, et al. I chose to continue for a very long time, but it kept getting harder and harder. Finally there came a time when processing started to look like the lesser evil. I process mine -with help from my therapy net- as they came up. Mostly my approach was a matter of decision up the fight to forget. Once I started working with the process instead of continually fighting it, my subconscious offered up the psychic wounds as they were ready for healing.

Gentle support while you sort your own, notsowild.

 

[Notsowild]

It is not a easy process but you have to dig deep into your memory and it brings it all back, I was numb for weeks after I was able to discuss the full horror of my trauma

Did you do any grounding or meditation? Do you work?

Is your therapist not giving you skills to manage your dissociation

No he has not given me any maintenance skills for trauma. Most I have learned on here

Another thought.... Talking in the first person triggered me to no end and caused me to relive my trauma. [I was 100% in 'emotional mind'.] I processed my trauma by enlarge using a technique where I viewed everything through the lens of a camera from a safe distance and talked about the experience in the third person. This enabled me to move out of 'emotional mind' and into 'wise mind'.

Thanks Solara how do you know so much? Sounds good, definetly worth a try.

I had to do a whole other set of therapy for that a long time ago. Although it helped and I can talk openly without panic, the triggers are the thing now.

This is my first time with a trauma therapist. I did a lot of talk therapy, group therapy and counselling. Did it help? Not sure. At the time it helped me but it was never delving into the real trauma. I still deal with a lot of triggers too. Hoping for a more normal person to come out one day.

 

[Notsowild]

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/how-much-do-i-have-to-process-to-heal.46901/
Unless a lot has changed since you asked in the thread above, then I think my answer would be the same. If the lid is off this stuff, then I think it's going to be hard to put back on again without working on it in therapy.
I guess the question is do you feel like you can live with it, recover, without processing it?

Thanks digger. You're good. I thought I had a similar post. I did say I was confused lol. No actually I hadn't started therapy yet with the first post. Great question! No I don't think I can recover without processing it. We had two heavy sessions talking about my CSA and I was so badly triggered afterwards. Now it scares me to go there again.
Yes coping skills - I need to practise these more. And yes I told him how triggered I was after. So he just stays away from it. When it slips into the conversation I just say I can't talk about it now. We just deal with other things like dissociation, communication skills, socializing etc.

 

[Notsowild]

Wow @FridayJones... You've never had therapy? You did it all own your own. Incredible! I've done some exposure therapy with my T concerning my car accident and have done some with my psychiatrist dealing with elevators. Especially ones that break down like at work. Stupid company!
Why did your symptoms come back after so many years? Btw - I
didn't know about trauma therapists neither till I joined here.

There were times in therapy that my past came up whether I wanted it to or not. It just spilled right out. There were things that I didn't want to talk about, and didn't. There were things that talking about would make no difference. Therapy is complicated. I doubt you are wasting your money, if you are getting other things from it than just "the past". You probably have had a lot of current things that "the past" has affected. They need working on too.

This is so much like me and my therapy. My past does just sneak out sometimes in therapy. I don't know. I feel that we do work on current problems brought on by my past. I always think beforehand what I want to talk about that session. So I never feel our sessions are a waste of time or money.