Although someone may do or say something, something even bad, and the action or communication is related to a subsequent feeling, thought or action in me, the subsequent feeling, thought or act that I have is mine, i.e. I'm responsible for my own feeling, thoughts and actions. This is not to say that one should always simply accept the actions or behaviors expressed by others: we are all influenced by people and many things throughout one's day and life. I have the right to defend myself, if necessary. I have the right and obligation to myself to act in such a manner that will increase my betterment and/or treat situations with things or people that will enhance harmonious relations and decrease inharmonious relations. Therefore, once the thing is done or said, I am ultimately responsible for my own feelings and thoughts regardless of whether I have been provoked or not.
I agree with you wholeheartedly. When someone tries to provoke us, we have to assert and defend/enforce our boundaries.
Silly or not, I sometimes have the same problems with inanimate objects. It's really hard to take a deep breath sometimes. At least for me.
I feel you on your whole post, and I especially understand the last paragraph - abuse is a very, very hard and painful thing to unlearn. I think it's pretty near impossible not to internalize it. I think it's pretty awesome and amazing that you're so aware of yourself and that you implement that awareness in your relationship with your child. I have no doubt that it can be difficult and annoying (provocative even ;)), but as someone whose mother wasn't able to practice that level of awareness and thoughtfulness, I really can't say enough how much I appreciate, respect and admire your hard work. I think it's some of the most important work a person can do and it's actions and behaviours like yours that really make me feel hopeful and positive about family/parenting.