Psychosis, C-PTSD, and Dissociation

[grit]

??
Dissociation Explained

Thanks Abstract. I am gonna read all about it. Knowledge is power!

Very dense this morning

Can someone please tell me what is the continuum:
I am understanding as this

Lowest (and easiest) is day dreaming - less abuse or sporadic abuse (using my words here)

Highest (and hardest) is DID - more abuse or longer abuse (using my words here)

Sorry I just do not get the spectrum from what determines where the dissociation gets heavier or lighter.

thank you

I think I post this the wrong place!

 

[AskaTheFox]

Yeah, psychosis is usually what's known as the "positive" (in the sense it's "added to", not that it's good) Symptom of Schizophrenia. It can also occur in major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, brief psychotic disorder, schizophreniform, schizoaffective, attenuated psychosis syndrome, drug misuse (ex: cannabis toxicity) and Schizotypal/schizoid PD (the experience of psychosis is not the same for all of these disorders. More specfic information can be found in the DSM-V or a range of other books written about the topics, both for laypeople and professionals alike. This is also not an exhaustive list, even though it may be exhausting to read.).

It usually includes the presence of delusions and hallucinations. A common example might be a paranoid schizophrenic who believes the CIA is attempting to hijack their brain, through radiowaves. They may see or talk to people who aren't there, they may hear voices that they believe to be real and correspond to their delusions.

Your experience sounds more like a form of dissociation, though I can't diagnose you and can't speak for your experience.

 

[frogthroat]

I have little experience with psychosis unless it's the "psychosis" that comes with being actively suicidal.
I can function in society but I find that when I'm dissociated I feel like I'm watching a movie of myself and I don't talk unless I absolutely am forced to. This is all intertwined with severe depression. It's hard to know where the depression ends and the dissociation begins. Sometimes I wonder if in certain cases the depression itself is a form of dissociation just because it's easier (for some) to feel then other emotions common in the case of prolonged trauma. I personally feel this way about myself. It's much easier for me to focus on depression then to sit with the feelings of humiliation and anger I have.

 

[TruthSeeker]

This is definitely a close description to how dissociation can look for me too, at times. I also have collapse/sleep type episodes at times. Personally I really can't see psychosis in what you mention, Grit. Never have when you discuss this.

I actually have seen unreal things when had psychotic depression and it was absolutely terrifying place to be. Not all experiences are the same of course but that was totally different to what you describe here and anything I know about psychosis.

Remember that dissociation can involve being removed with from almost every aspect of our sensory or motor experiences or self. It doesnt sound like Conversion Disorder but to demonstrate to you how physical dissociation can be you might want to look it up.

Also, the circumstances you describe surrounding these experiences in my own experience have been particularly likely to send me down that road. Interpersonal complex stuff with a therapist in context of dealing with trauma. Dissociation express.

Depersonalisation and derealisation can take many many different forms. Different flavours I call them. And when it comes to self identity I find depersonalisation can be extreme in this department.

I have even felt my molecules of my body all come apart. Depersonalisation. Arms growing huge - derealisation/ depersonalisation.

Good luck. I think its hard to have therapy with someone who isnt up on dissociation if you are someone who dissociates a fair amount or lot. Been there before and it was a bit of a disaster.

Love the term-dissociation express! Made me laugh!

 

[Tj's Paradigm Shift]

Hi all,

I am just trying to learn and trying to understand PTSD, CPTSD, Psychosis, Dissociation and a lot of other mental health conditions. Please share personal or story you know not too much research stuff or scientific theories. I am interested in personal touch and feelings and any positive things people learn or find during their journey.

A little bio:
I experienced in psychosis during therapy. I found it positive experience because I was and felt safe. So I slowly got myself out of it. I also found it that psychosis worked for me that it felt as if I could go inside my head and re-arrange my thoughts and feelings even though I lost language. This is my story. I thought one time maybe a safe psychosis sort of resets the brain to more workable. It removed some stains. Which I could elaborate a bit. It removed all personal and emotional pain sort of like watching body parts moving without my permission. The experience was positive. it also sort of removed maybe all fear I have had about going mad! or annihilation so early in my therapy that I felt a bit more free to experiment with therapy.

Dissociation: I did not know I had it until therapy as well. Now that I know I cognitively understood its disadvantage but not emotionally. So I sleep or spaced out. As long as I can do my job and school why does it matter? Well not until I experienced moments of not dissociating and realizing wow! I use a lot more psychic energy to do what I can do split second. Now though, I have depression what I was dissociating from and I am not sure which one I prefer. I know dissociation all my life (it comes and goes) and I find depression is more lingering thing and I do not know what triggers.

Now I do not know if I am going nuts or not but sometimes I see no depression or dissociating and I think I am going mad – it feels too good to be true so I do not trust myself!

For example, I am filled with love and caring lately and I can accept depression and sadness because I feel I thwarted them all my life taking the life of my abuser. I am OK feeling like I should when I ws being abused and I am OK. It is light. Alignment. But I do not trust myself with so much peace. What is this?

Is it possible that dissociation splits emotions and logic/cognition but not personality? I feel these are my disconnection and when I find alignment with an issue, I am so surprised how I did not see it before. I feel my emotions/feelings are well developed. My cognition is also well developed. Hence why I felt functional but there is a huge gap between them and very rarely they connect.

Anyone had similar stories or experiences? I can provide clarification, just ask.

I am really curious. And I hope my writings make sense.

Thank you for contributing.

What a profound thing to share. Although I do not have a history of outright psychosis, my current circumstances could lead to it.

 

[Starfish]

It sounds like you’re describing disassociation (you are unreal / depersonalization; the world is unreal/ derealization; divorcing your emotions from rational thought/ emotional distanceing-numbing) and grounding yourself back out again, rather than psychosis.

This feels like my experience. I feel like I am in disassociation and in some sort of disassociated, numbed emotional flashback most of the time. Things do not seem very real to me. Just starting to realize it. I don’t relate to psychosis nor de-realization (I guess I should feel lucky). Trying to feel in my moments is hard except low feelings and fear and anxiety /panic or numbing which sort of follow me around and Often take over my mind. Disassociation, for me, feels like I am not really here.....kind of a lost-in-space feeling. I have little recollection of previous days lived. I think it is because I am so numb to feeling alive.I have been able to follow these posts today with more awareness than I usually have..... the thoughts and ideas while reading are not promoting fear today but rather a curiosity in me that maybe it will serve me to embrace my experience rather than all these words of “others” experience scaring me so I need to leave the site. Perhaps this would be considered progress. I will consider it progress. So much rambling and I wonder if the reader/s of this post understand what I am saying. I guess I was super invisible growing up so it makes sense I remain invisible. Scary being “seen” right now by readers who do not even “see” me.....speaking my truth to others who understand a lot or a little.